What It Is To Feel Alright - by Jack Fehlmann

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What It Is To Feel Alright

 

My mood again a steady constant
still low, always low but constant
so I seek the solutions, search for normal
I approach and offer myself over
to those, the better minds, the doctors
they are wise and educated and have magic
in the form of pills that I consume
reporting back the basics, this didn't work
that isn't helping so they raise and lower doses
prescribing cures in pills and always asking questions
writing this and that factual results down
they see errors in my mind and I feel restless
again and again changing their minds 
as I consume and return the effectiveness or lack therein
all I want is the sky that felt light and tasted fragrant
yet so goes my search for my cure as each is different
seeking that fabled equalibrium, that balance
aiming for the land of sunshine and 
the state known once as happiness 
again, always,.. where life is
and emotions can be steady,  

ups and downs 
continuously changing in workable highs and lows
but alas, I am unable, and I continue only to try 
the new, the stronger, the most documented cure alls 
more pills to be taken with water day or night
forever dosing, hoping, and trying to find my life
chasing the notion of,..

 

what it is to feel alright.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I wrote this to discribe my own struggles with mental illness, depression and my experiences thus far in the search of medical treatment.  Depression is a very real thing.  It is as  awful as it is very, very personal.  No two struggles are the same.  All have different causes, and all can be cured if you put in the effort and strive each day to be who you remember yourself as once being normal.  Hope you enjoy this and I'd love to hear from anyone that this poem may touch.  Thank you.  

 

 

Jack Fehlmann

artistjackfehlmann@gmail.com

 

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