PostPoems Be Artistic. Be Creative. Be Inspired!

March 15, 2013

By Taylor Springs

A tragedy is never very far away

It has a smell, a color, a taste

Reasons change

But the pain doesn’t ever go away

I may forget, for a moment or two

But it always rushes back

(Even worse this time)

And I never know how to cope or what to do

I am Pain’s best friend

But I don’t think he’s mine

He encourages me

And stands by my side

Deems me an imbecile so matter-of-factly

Just like a true best friend would, right?

But I feel that I betray him

When I try to enjoy life

Every smile an act of deception

Every step I take away from him is treason

But still, I avoid him when I can

And he notices, infuriated

I hate it most when he’s mad

Because he restrains me

Holds me back

Luring me close then dangling me

Just off the balcony of desperation

Right above pure joy and happiness

Bliss is below me

So warm and so close

I beg for Pain to just let go

But he always pulls me back up

Into his cold embrace

(I hear no heart inside his chest)

Do I capitulate and allow him to consume

The only broken beating heart I have left?

Or do I continue to fight this losing battle?

I choose to stay and feel him

Just so you don’t have to

But I am starting to realize

That it might not work that way

If I thrash about and complain

Do you think I’ll win his sick game?

Could I be the one to conquer the unconquerable?

(I don’t deserve the honor!)

I ache to overcome my master

But he has fed me fear for far too long

I’m just a little too broken

And a little too far gone

I can sit and stay

I can roll over and wait

Like a well behaved dog

I could pee on a hydrant

And wag my tail

Greet him at the door each day, without fail

Cut my wrists and cry to sleep

Swear there’s no other place I’d rather be

Than the cold hard ground at his feet

You could forget about who I was

Or who I wanted to be

I would be a victim of Pain

If I just gave in and learned the trade

I would know how to behave

I would be a good girl

I’ve always wanted to be a good girl

But if my only trainer is named Pain

Could I ever really be a good girl?

If only one person thinks you are the best

Are you really the best?

If this one person has more worth than all the others combined,

Does majority really rule?

If you believe in yourself, but nobody else does,

Are you still worth it?

If I had to establish eternity

Would I choose the hurt I’m used to?

Would I follow my instinct

And submit to my Pain?

Or

Maybe I’d like to run off at every opportunity

God knows I don’t want to be here anyway

I could chew on Pain’s shoes

And he might get so frustrated

He’d grab his coat and keys

My collar and leash

And we’d go to the shelter

I might watch him walk away

In his outfit of black and grey

But he will not look back at all

This is my new shelter from Pain

Maybe this is a magical place where he ceases to exist

The walls may hold temporary loneliness

But the corners have cobwebs of relief

And it shouldn’t hurt too bad

I wouldn’t miss Pain

And I’d feel a sense of worth

Or it might be a sad time

For the battered pup I am

Perhaps Pain would visit

Bringing the bitter nostalgia with him

Pressed through the metal gate

Is a biscuit laced with rage

Maybe he misses the loyal years I provided

Maybe he wishes things had gone different, too

But I’d watch him walk away, and coo “farewell” again

To my dear old manipulative friend

Someday the right person

With a kind unbroken heart

And huge forgiving eyes

Would offer me a home without a second thought

Through the halls and out the door we’d walk

And I would travel to a good place

To steal hearts and not shoes

To become not broken or bruised

But confused and torn

About which cushion is the comfiest

Which hand I should kiss

The decision would no longer be between life and death

It would be between whether

My new owner

Were Perfection or Happiness