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ONLY LASTLY, THERE WAS LUST
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JOURNAL #35 such pictures come to mind
when I think of your warm, willing flesh
though its so much more than the mere physicalness
of your touch
that i miss
its that knowledge that deep down I am getting your
exemplary best
and then some
I am drawn by the spirit of your depth
I've my many flaws of course
and I do try to keep them in check
but you are to me a clay footed glorious being
called male
and I am smitten with your internal self
far beyond that of the mere mortal scale
its like I have placed my finger upon the pulse
of your very life
as if I am a vital part of that energy force that
makes up you
and my deeper self oh so reminiscently recognizes
that one particular rhythm
you have built in me such bridges of joy
the mere thought of your loss
can devastate me to a near paralyzing degree
I sometimes fear I shall scare you with the depth
of my points
but surely most of this can not come to you as any new
sort of news
you know me so well
from you I do not hide
this is the me I have been from the very beginning
with you
more or less
well, that's for you to decide
I feel so emboldened
I am so much more because I was blessed to be
permitted to know you
all my ugly secrets you hold in your safe keeping
and still you care
and feel that particular pull in yourself so very deep down
we must explore this
in each other fully
and without limit or reign
I think I wanted you before I knew you
now try to tell me that does not read as
damn near insane
we've shared so very much
we've wondered the path of friendship
meandered through histories and knowledge
persevered through our tragedies
and through it all you lowered your defenses
and allowed me to truly get to know you
and for it I loved you fast and early
I confessed such love far much later
but I dare say deep down you always knew
for we were on a high velocity spirit course
for me , believe this or not,
'Only Lastly , There Was Lust!'............................
(June 14, 2009 1129pm)
