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Final Refresh
‘Where to’ was the first thought that came to my mind. It was not the first time that it happened, but this time it was different. It all came out of control and the repercussions would be more intense. The thought that all happens for a reason was weak comfort this time, there was no positive effect that those past actions could affect my life. So taking a medium sized black bag out the closet was the only thing that came to my mind to confront what I’ve done.
My parents downstairs, very aware of what had happened, but we were still missing the talk where I admit that it was all bad and that it would not happen again. But what is the point, that talk had happened before, and the same happened again. They had just been told in the morning by my best friend’s mom what happened last week’s Saturday night.
Yesterday, I had a nice talk with my parents, obviously not telling them what had happened. I still could talk to them as if nothing had happened. But never look them in the eye. That night I stayed awake, drinking some beer. My brother came to my room, he asked me what had happened. I could not lie to him so I told him all the story. We talked a lot that night and heard some music we both liked. I was the smallest child in a family that everyone did their responsibilities, everyone was proactive. But I just liked painting, writing, playing videogames and having hard parties on weekends. I was supposed to change now that I was working after school with my uncle. But I was just not interested.
The problem was not that I liked other things but that I didn’t respect responsibilities that were assigned to me. I was kicked out of military school because of lack of discipline. I always felt respect but could not show it. My mother came upstairs and knocked at my door. I still was doing a pointless bag full of cloths, scratch books, pencils and a journal with it’s pen. I had locked the door, and just told her I was getting dressed for sleeping. She told me dinner was about to get served, and she reminded me of the talk I were supposed to have with her and my dad.
The more I think about it, the more stupid I feel doing a bag. I felt dramatic and coward. I had no place to go. Obviously I could go with my uncle or my grandmother, or even a friend’s house. But there was no real reason to escape.
My dad now came to my room, ‘Dinner is served, come down’ he yelled coldly. I now changed very quickly and hid the bag in the bathroom. I came down, everyone was silent when they saw me, it was a weird atmosphere. My mom told me to help her take things to the table, so I did. Then we all had dinner and there was barely conversation.
When dinner finished, I stayed at the living room and then my mother and father joined me. I was mostly ashamed, I could say it would not happen again but this time there was no point. Because I knew this time was different. The talk was not long, but I did not pay much attention to what was being said, it was exactly what I thought. It weirdly felt as a fresh start, but now I was comfortable. It all came out and I knew better.
