#tb positive

Is Google who I turn to now for my answers?

Dear Doctor,

 

The worse thing to do to an overthinker is making them wait. While we wait, our minds kick into overdrive. Trust me not a pretty damn pretty place to be when we are left scared and with many questions and no one but the internet to answer us. That, of course, leaves us to have more questions. Like is it true, if this dormant do I really have to be on months of antibiotics? If so, does that really mean I have to keep making more appointments to see how the treatment works? What will I do because my immune system can't handle months and months of antibiotics? Why? Because you put me on them years ago and it was nothing that I needed. Now because of that, I am on some form of an antibiotic a year. And now the possibility of being on them for months!!!!! I won't have an immune system left. What will a small sneeze do to me if it comes down to this? And I don't have an immune system? What if? See this what I am talking about. Overthinkers don't stop thinking. And you, you hold the answers to make someone like me stop thinking when it comes to my health. But no. Another night of this hellish nightmare.

 

You see, you are my doctor, so when you tell me you will give my results on Monday, please fucking have them. Or if you don't, have someone call me and be honest. But don't make me wait.  Don't make almost cry to you to get results just to be told, I would get a call close to when the office closes and yet

no call. And the killer is, you knew I was going to call you today to get my results and yet nothing. 

 

Did you not see my number on your caller ID before you closed? I know your office has that feature. When I did my externship how do you think I knew how to call people back when I didn't understand their message? I would listen to the message again, write the time down the voicemail came and then backtrack the call log on the phone and at least call someone and say this is Glenda calling from so and so's office, I am returning your call. And if they didn't call I would go to the next number. Or play that message over and over till I could get something out of it I could use to help find that patient. Did you not listen to my voicemail pleading with you to just tell me my results because since Thursday I have been worried? But more so when I was told to get a chest x-ray now and maybe see a specialist. And top of it, tell me I may need antibiotics for some time. Don't do this to anyone but more so to an overthinker. Because we won't sleep well, we will worry, we will freak the fuck out. 

 

I know healthcare isn't the best right now but honesty but don't leave me hanging on the next business day. Not when you have more people in your office that could tell me. But it was your place to return my call.  Your job to ease my fears and answer my questions. But no. You didn't do that today. Will you do it tomorrow? Or will I have to wait till your office is open full day? I get your busy with other patients that have phone in appointments but did you forget I am one as well?

 

Because you see doctor, it's bad enough what my results said if they are in fact the real deal. What's worse is not knowing the next step, but how this will now impact every job I apply for in the medical field. It's already made me aware that the two places I wanted be of service, they will look at my results and they won't see a clear chest x-ray. They will look at 2 letters and 1 word. This isn't a life-changing thing for you, but for me so far it has been. The question is, how much more of a life changer is going to be for me? So while you sleep peacefully in your bed tonight. Please know you have a patient that won't get much sleep because I am an overthinker. And I will keep overthinking this till I hear from you, whenever that may be.  So I ask again, will you ignore me tomorrow like you did today?

 

Your Scared and Worried Patient,

Me