Ostracized

Die for You

Folder: 
Beautiful Imagery

Brother,

I will die for you. 

But please, do not rejoice –

this is not a declaration

of my loyalty to your life.


I plan to kill myself tonight, brother…

for you – please do not try

to stop me. 

I do not want to hear

of my life's value; I

do not want to hear your rage

at the thought of my

perceived uselessness.  

I know my life weighs on your soul,

and challenges your style of living.  

I know that we clash

more often than we intertwine, and

it is for that reason that I

choose to die. 

I will rid myself

from your existence,

for you.


I do not say this to implant guilt;

please do not misunderstand. 

I choose this path, brother, because

I love you.  More than words

can ever hope to describe

in a world filled with words

callously used to hide behind.


Sister,

I will die for you. 

Please, hold back your tears –

this is not honorable.


I will end my own life…

for you. 

Do not worry; I love life,

and all of its splendor. 

The trees call to me

in sweet tones that allow my

mortal mind to forget time. 

I am allowed space

to unfurl my physical trappings,

to relinquish my understanding

to the Soul of the World and

refill my cup with eternal love. 

The symphony of life quells

my restlessness in

ways Western medicine seeks

to mimic, but cannot quite replicate. 

But my reverence for such beauty

is in opposition to construction

and progress.  I cannot abide

endless consumption, so I

will remove myself from this

global equation,

for you.


Lover,

I will die for you. 

Do not look at me with such disdain –

this is not Shakespearean tragedy

manifest.


I poison myself because

I long to die… for you. 

I am not naïve;

I already dearly miss your skin,

the current surging within

that revitalizes my soul. 

I will forever hold your love

as the pinnacle of this physical world;

the height of true majesty,

paling the purple of the mountains

from the land we came from. 

Most of all, I adore your eyes,

as they diminish my existence

with the immensity of Gaia’s power,

wrath, and benevolence… I

will miss those fiery windows most of all. 

I realize my Aquarian tendencies

leave my head cloudy with images of

utopia – images in stark contrast

to our civilization,

this reality you remain grounded to. 

I know that is why we are no longer

in each other’s arms; your absence

shaves my humanity, membrane by

membrane, so death seems

inevitable.  Why not cut

to the chase?...

for you.


Humanity,

I will die for you. 

I will not be a martyr – I

am not strong enough for this world. 

I imagined myself an actor

in a new age play,

a catalyst of a movement toward

enlightenment.  But I am

meek, and incapable of lasting

through to the end of this struggle. 

When hard times come,

as they always do,

I will not be here.  Someone

more capable will take my place

beside you.  Someone with

unflinching bravery and

unlimited strength to guide,

and be guided by you. 

I am sorry and I apologize;

it cannot be me.  I

am weak.


CLF 2015

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Please help me with this; I would like it to be critiqued.  I am in the process of editting it, but I am currently fatigued as a result of what this piece means to me.

Do not worry, I am not actually suicidal -- this poem means to vent the frustration constructively, to avoid such an outcome from seeming attractive to me.