# #life #suffering #sadness #pain #madness #poetry #color #blind #depression

The Perfect Smile

*face contortion*

*face contortion*

Re-evaluate and adjust

Creating the perfect smile is a must

*face contortion*

*face contortion*

A perfect smile that's so raw

All adore and admire

That perfect smile.

*face contortion*

On the surface, it is perfect

But beneath, it is broken

That perfect smile holds secrets

A circus of demons concealed beneath

Though, there are appearances to keep

So the smile stays, to keep the demons in the deep

Practice makes perfect

The mirror is the battleground

The screams behind the perfect smile seem to never make a sound.

*face contortion*

*face contortion*

Now... it's perfect.

Holding On

Folder: 
Emotions
 
I get so anxious
ever since it happened
It’s so very difficult to forget.
I don’t know,
maybe I should just let go.
It's been so hard for me
feeling like a caged animal
stuck in this hopelessly abominable situation
lost in the labyrinth of yesterday
I don't know how to escape,
how shall I find my way?
I guess I'll hold on for one more tomorrow
Author's Notes/Comments: 

Surviving a suicide

Ruined Myself

Maybe it's how I was raised,

No eyes in a world that feeds on the bilnd,

The nail to be pounded by the hammer,

Locked in a terrible room,

On the cutting table,

I was given the sky and I only saw the clouds,

I'm afraid I don't much deserve this life any longer.

I don't think it is fair...

I don't think it is fair what you're doing to me here.

You make it like it is all my fault.

I'm just so very sorry that you feel this way.

I suppose that I am probably to blame, though.

There's a lot of confusion here, as well, as to exactly what is happening.

I wish I was stronger, but it just feels so difficult to deal with all of this.

The main thing that matters to me is to just be able to communicate my feeling and emotions to you in relationship to this matter.

I still wonder, at times, how you really feel about me, and...

I realize that I am somewhat like a child, but that's just the way that I am.

I've got more poems in me to write about these ways that I feel, and I think that it is still important for me to express myself.

As of late I haven't been writing as much, but I am working on some stuff here.

There's been some slight pressure here lately, but I'm not trying to make any excuses, though.

I would be foolish to say that everything I try to do here always comes to work out.

Lots of these projects here might remain uncompleted, but this does not mean that they will always be that way.

I tend to think that patience remains the key to it all.

I really wish that I could do better here, but I am still trying in many different ways.

I don't think it is good, though, to silence my voice too much, because then things seem to become ambiguous in ways that cause a certain degree of doubt.

Perhaps you look at me as though I am just lost here, and somewhat of a waste of time these days.

Perhaps you might think to yourself that I've really nothing left to say here that I have not said before.

Sort of like the ones who once went to the library to write, and now only seem to go there to check out the books now.

Or something like that.

Yet, maybe the greatest overall inspiration here was just derived around the thought of you being present in the library with me, whether I was writing or not.

Maybe it was always just the thought of knowing that you were near me that truly meant the most to me.

But I can understand, as well, that sometimes...I may seem like the starlight to you.

What I am really trying to say here is that you mean a great deal to me, and as long as I know that you know this...then I can feel content and at peace.

I actually thought that we were doing quite fine until you acted as though you had no time for me anymore.

Or maybe you just felt as though we were drifting apart.

Well, it doesn't really have to be this way.

And I know that I can do better that I had been doing before.

I want for things to continue, and I do not want to feel alone.

It is with you I want to be, whether a vacant room or among a large crowd of people.

My ultimate praise is within my heart for you.

Words not spoken out loud are continuously spoken inside of my very heart.

And, yes, I still come to view the world like poetry no matter what.

There remains the aspects of poetry within everything I see and do here.

But I am not the one to tell you that I am a poet.

I see poetry, but it is seemingly beyond me.

So I write about how the world is beautifully poetic, and then I fall short when it cimes to expressing it poetically.

So I simply attempt to express myself in ways to show my admiration for what truly IS poetry.

And without a doubt, I know that YOU are the poetry.

I am only the poems.

But I need the poetry to write the poems.

There doesn't have to be a tear in my eye here, but there may always be a reason.

The world is complex but we can make things better when we are together.

To be together, to share our thoughts, and to feel like children.

To feel free, and to know that love is all that truly matters.

I simply cannot afford to say goodbye to you.

I cannot walk away from all things that are beautiful and meaningful to me, for then I will become of nothing other than the fog before the clarity.

These ways of my eyes, these ways of my soul.

I cannot survive within these vacant fields where the truth of my love for you becomes ode to the shadows, the starlight, and the moonlight.

A place where we can never say that it means both the world to us or nothing at all as long as we can bask within the glory of being as one.

I cannot survive when it becomes as though love has become lost like a forgotten song that only plays to remind me.

To lose you, like to lose the days ode to the sunlight.

But with you, your comforts in those ways of saying to me that both mean the world and nothing at all...as long as we are together, as one.

For I remain one of those somewhat like a child, and the awareness that the ones like me can never really change.

Blind me through love but not through the darkness.

Hear me sing in ways slightly out of tune, but please do not walk away from my music.

Please do not silence my soul, for the songs that it sings be these songs meant for you.

These songs that long to remain in playing.

And what I have said be these words from within, as real as both the night and the day.

For this be the truth within these moments of feeling that all that has come to inspire me has deeply hinted upon fleeting.

My love for you, much stronger than any love that could fail you.

For love is the answer to the questions concerning all that is to remain true.

And the truth is the beauty and the promise in knowing that we are of love.

Yes, I am but a poem ode to your poetry...and you are the poet that inspires my words.

And I do not think that it is quite fair for me to say to you that I am lost without you.

But it is more than fair here to tell you that I love you.

 

Unknown pt.2

Feeling down

Underground 

6 feet under

Shocking thunder

Dirt above 

Black dove

Cant feel

My face... here

Draw a tear 

Water clear

Constant fear

Tired here

Need a beer

I need an ear

I need a light 

Hopefully bright

To light my world 

To say my dying word...z

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Another one of my works along the same lines as unknown pt.1

Depression is my sickness

This sickness,

Has made my body, its home.

It darkens my brain,

Along with my heart.

Making me bleed

From all of my scars.

My art is my passion,

And my passion,

Is my safe house.

Though it seems like nothing, can help me now.

Every now, and again,

I forget who I am.

I feel tired, and alone.

Doesn’t matter how many friends.

I take my time.

Staying up late.

Thinking,

Then crying,

Then falling asleep.

Just when I find,

A flicker of light.

It seems to fade,

Before I can enjoy it.

Like my shadow, I will creep.

In the darkness,

Where evil reeks.

 

Maybe one day I will find happiness.

This Pain

Truly, only the Lord knows me

This world is not like what it use to be

Looking up 

Smog covers the beautiful sky

Standing near the edge 

I slowly take a step forward 

Truly, only God knows me

The depression , that drives through me

The corruption, it's killing me

The world is not like what it use to be

What happened to the child in me?

The angel of darkness 

Wasn't it enough to rob the purity from me?

Did you also  have to take my sanity?

God, truly only you know me

My foot steps towards emptiness 

Would this even make sense to men?

This resentment of my flesh

God, why do I feel like I'm going crazy? 

I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't let this get to me

I silently make a mental plea for help

God, truly you know me

This burden I feel

This sensation 

It's all too real

I reach out my hands to you

Catch me my Lord

Save me from this evil

I need this freedom 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Corners of emptiness

This earth holds the soil to

where I pace in the deepest 

corners of emptiness


the depths of hell call out my name

turning my back to the heavens grace

I mindlessly wonder into the domains

of hells darkness 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

P.S: My poems are not always describing how I am feeling 

Gorgeous revenge

The severity of the situation is reaching an all time hi

should I violently react or just let it fly?

your engorged words have pierced the innocent ghost

a 40 ton wieght of revenge is what would get me off the most

if I choose the darkened path my future will cease to exist

however the beautifully dressed possibilty of revenge is at the top of list

like a beast in the night, a monsters dreams, like a lions roar

maybe someday I'll have no choice but to deliver death to your door.