#depressed #sad #pointless #dark #breakup #hate #alone #broken #torn #suffering #suicide #emotion #love #emotionless #lifeless #empty #lies #worthless

Aimless

Aimless

 

Tethered you are to the clock, that won’t stop,

Dragging you into your grave,


Slaves to whether we ever feel better,

Or well enough at least to go,


Where go did the days, of which you could stave,

The feelings, the pain, sorrow,


Thoughts are the roots, that grip on the boots,

And pull you down like gravity to the globe.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

It all seems pointless. 

Be perfect like me.....

Is there something wrong with you? 
A loose screw or two that ruined your ability to function? 
Why are you always so tired? 
Your life is uninspired and small; all you do is sprawl on the couch 
with outstretched limbs like a sloth in slow-motion. 
Where is your devotion to succeed, Maia? 
Did it drift out your window with the smoke from your weed? 
Do I need to force feed you discipline ‘til you finally concede? 
I cook and I clean and I don't stop ‘til the soles of my feet bleed. 
But I'm fine. 
I'm perfect. 
Be perfect, Maia. 
Be perfect like me. 

Stop wearing those god awful ripped pants 
and that lipstick like a whore with double-d implants. 
You only get one chance. 
Stop acting like a cat with nine lives left. 
Stop committing yourself to songs and stories and spoken slam bullshit 
in a world where degrees and PhD's impede the need for poetry. 
And stop chewing on your nails. 
No wonder you've never attracted any males. 
Why do you do that? Do you like the taste? Are they sweet? 
You can't eat sweets, Maia. 
You're ruining your teeth like you're ruining your life. 
My teeth are perfect. Clean and pristine. 
They gleam like the golden halo above my perfectly conditioned head. 
I don't need sugar, Maia. 
I am above sugar. 

Why are you down here, Maia? 
Why are you down here when you need to be up here? 
Up here with the ones who have a promising career 
Who listen when information goes in one ear 
and doesn't come out the other. 
You'll never be up here, Maia. 
You act as if the act of listening is a crime 
or you would have heard me the six hundred and sixty-sixth time 
I told you to STOP CHEWING ON YOUR NAILS. 
Stop chewing on your nails like a goddamn piece of trash. 
You can't be trash, Maia. 
You have to be perfect. 
Be perfect like me. 

I get up at 5 in the morning every day. 
I start my day the same way worried that I'll collapse 
as my bones start to decay from cleaning up your scraps. 
Why is your room such a mess? 
The clothes go in the hamper, Maia. 
Not displayed on your bed like your lack of morals. 
Not littered on the floor collecting more dust than my withered expectations. 
You disregard my rules with stubborn contempt
in a substandard attempt at teenage rebellion. 
But you can't be a rebel, Maia. 
You're not interesting enough. 
You need to obey and say 'yes' and 'okay' 
You need to do it with a smile on your less than average face. 
You need to try harder, Maia. 
Make it wider, Maia. 
Why don't you know how to smile? 

You disappoint me, Maia. 
You never appreciate what I do for you. 
You never try to be a winner. 
And you never eat your dinner. 
You never eat the dinner I consistently provide for you 
as I constantly remind you of the life I set aside for you. 
That meal doesn't pay for itself. 
I don't care if it's ideal, stop telling me how you feel. 
You need to eat it. 
Eat it all. 
Eat it at a reasonable time with a glass of milk. 
You need milk, Maia. 
You need calcium like you need a catalyst for growth. 
You'll never grow to be tall. 
Be tall like me. 
I drink my milk, Maia. 
Drink your fucking milk. 
Be tall. 
Be perfect. 
Be perfect like me. 

You need to pay more attention, Maia. 
Stop daydreaming, Maia. 
Stop staring at the ceiling as if your one redeeming quality lies hidden in the plaster. 
You need to organize your life. 
Your life is a disaster 
Just like your room. 
Just like your teeth. 
Just like your future, 
Which will soon come to an end if you don't put down that pen. 
You need to stop writing, Maia. 
Your life is not a book. 
Don't give me that look, Maia. 
I'm just trying to help you. 
I'm just trying to love you. 
I'm just trying to love you. 
You have to let me love you 
so that you can be perfect. 
Be perfect like me.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

When your good for nothing.

The Hole With No End

Folder: 
How I feel

I am sober enough

Out of my mind

Darkness and numbness

Fogging what's left behind

Family is breaking

My heart dissipating 

Spiraling out of control

But no one is there 

To fill this dark hole

My bones ache 

And my souls slowly dying

But I'm not even here

Even when it's crying

It calls me back

Every now and again

But the lost stare

I'm stuck in begins 

It pulls me away

And I'm lost in this state

Can someone please help

I'm lost in this state

Drifting further and further 

I can't help but think

Am I even real

Or was all this just a blink

My existence is unknown

To me and my heart

If fiction or reality 

I can't find the start

From where I was 

To where I will go

Every stare brings

Me back to the hole

Of endless pain and agony

How much more

Will my mind take

Before I get lost

Forever in this state

The state of nonexistence 

The hole with no end

My life and my soul

Where did it all begin?

 
Author's Notes/Comments: 

I've been in a rut for a couple of years. This is the sum of how I feel.