# #betrayal #life #forgiveness #suffering #sadness #pain #mistakes #madness


Have you ever been fucked? 

Not the good kind of fuck.... not the kind of fuck with the toe clench, body quivering against it’s own will, GRABBING the side of the bed FUCK.

BUT The kind of Fuck that isn’t physical. They get your heart all ready, stroke your ego, play with you feelings, caress yours dreams. 

And that goes on for about  2 -3 years... building up to the climax. You’re thinking marriage. And babies that look just like him. Blonde hair, blue eyes and this confidence no money could buy. UH UH.. sploosh! You are at the finish. The end. The awkward moment when no one knows what to do. Should I clean up, or should you? ...

Not to mention he finished too soon. Broke my heart too soon. When I still had love to give. And well, a LOT FURTHER to go. But you pretend, so even though,the awkward it creates, is not added too. I hate him!!

For using me like a blowup doll. 

And throwing me out as soon as I got a small hole. 

He thought I would deflate.

WANTED ME to deflate when he left .... but I knew A REAL RELIABLE human would find a patch. cheers to the man who made me realize, I am no doll but a queen. Jake. 



Watching your six;

always vigilant


Thinking about 



Where things could 

go bad,


Questioning your environment

and your surroundings


Feeling this grey cloud

over your head


Trying to survive in a world

of fear


where evil is always present

and your never safe


Exist for Penetration

Creative extinction,

lack of stimulalion,


Born of deprivation,

exist for penetration


Denied the light of self satisfaction,

always seeking the whims of eroticism






To grab you
My future
Our culture
Combined, intertwined
Meant to be
You and me

You left
It's for the best if
I jumped off a cliff and
Ran away
Go away
Emotions canned
Love is banned
I need you
Come back
Love is what I lack


Living in fear,

trying to survive,

choices made,

that can turn the tide

or cause a blaze,


Hell inside,

deep in my brain,

an underworld of hate,

memories that remind,

moments interrupted in time,


Seeing things, hearing the wind.

taking steps back, hesitating to venture

beyond the comfort that is temporary,

lost in the forest of darkness, struggling to make 

sense of my feelings that have not yet ignited. 



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My love was spectacle.. It was true, logical, and rough at a time but still respectable.. You didn't hate my love its your duty to protect.. You simply reject .. You denied me from normal love and marriage with all the damage you inflict


I used to be a lone wolf with kindness in his heart.. You came to me in fear,lost, and broken in some part.. 


Love changed us both.. And marriage pulled us together .. No cracks in my furry armor and you lost your fear forever  


They say when you love someone you share a loft of bread for them to be prosper..all what we share was pain and an act worthy of an Oscar.. You destroyed what can never be rebuild.. You become a demon and I'm still a monster. 

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Sea of sorrow

Painful twisted sorrow is what I fight.. Heavy shadows as dark as the night.. Is it me? .. Do I destroy every love I touch? .. Is a love story impossible? Is it too much.. 20 years has passed 


from my first love.. she was unfaithful and a lier and everything above .. As the years come to pass.. They were cold and cruel.. No one was right to me.. And I was a fool.. Everyone I met was dry and dread.. 


Inside of me my soul is dead.. in a thousand pice or my be more.. A mirror land with a smile on the floor .. My love has died so rest in peace..

My ego my heart and all of my speech..

Crying wolf


a great sad howl echoing in my soul.. The windows in my room are dark with no light except my eclipsed heart trying to stop..

Oh heart of mine why can't you see why so blind.. She never loved us.. Why do you grind..



Is it regret? Is it hate?.. I don't think you forgot.. I still have an after taste.. She kissed us.. It was honest and true.. Why she can't see it thru..

Oh dear heart of mine you were always the fool..



She loved us alright .. But her love was so cruel.. 

Tapping The Wall

Satish Verma

A soul-search violates 
a code.You cannot 
drop your mask. 

A liquid pain, again 
laughs from eyes. 
Green was the moon. 

Was your poem― 
a truth? Capable 
of death watch? 

The squirrel hangs 
down by tail, to watch 
the man climbing.