#abuse #hurt #anger #scared #feelings #broken #life #saved #hope

Voices

Failure it's my middle name

Never going anywhere, 

Ha I've heard it before

Try something new

Fuck up

Oh wow how original! 

You think your the only one? 

The only one;

Whose ever made me feel, 

Feel this worthless? 

They've pushed me down. 

How many times?

Damn to many to recall now .

So please try something new,

Heard it all before.

Do I believe it? 

Sometimes... 

Do I wish I could take a rope 

Tie it round my neck

Jump 

1...2...3...4 

Silence? 

Darkness 

What's that light there? 

Is this real? 

Am I, free. 

Goodbye voices. 

Because of You

I look down at my body,

 

I see the scars I left,

 

I see the scars you left.

 

I see the cigarette burns

 

There on my fucking ankle

 

My siblings see those

 

My friends see those

 

My parents have seen them.

 

I wonder if they know that your part of them.

 

You said you loved me

 

When my friend put the trigger to his fucking brain,

 

You were there to heal me,

 

When my friend popped his last pill,

 

You were there to dry my eyes

When I told you of losing my virginity at 15,  by my best friend,

 

NOT BECUASE I FUCKING CHOSE TOO!

 

but because he forced me too.

 

You knew!!!

 

You knew the cuts on my body were from me!

 

You loved me

 

Then you fooled me

 

Then you fucked my brain up

 

Fucked my life up

 

I hurt myself because of you

 

You hurt me

 

Beat me black and blue

 

But what hurt the most

 

The scars on my fucking brain

 

On my heart

 

There still there! They will always be there!

 

At night when I scream in my bed for you to get your fucking hands off me

 

Then I cry for you?!

 

Wtf is wrong with me?

 

I see a gun,

 

I see pills,

 

I see my dead friends walking in my dreams

 

I see my monster touching me

 

Then I see you.

 

Your the fucking worst of them all.

 

You left me!

 

You broke me!

 

Now I don't know if I feel.

 

I just know I miss you,

 

But not the you now.

 

The you I miss is long gone he fucking killed himself or at least the drugs did.

 

This new you. 

 

He's the devil

 

He's you. 

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Battle Of Wounded Me

Speak loud the words they mumble negative,

It shows you have the life they want to live. 

Empathy passes quick these days,

Everyone leaves, no one stays. 

Shout in the ear of blinded eyes,

Tell them we won't lose this time. 

Born with peace, hate is learned,

No respect politicians earned.

 

In the sea of opinions, the kinder tides not always warm,

Critics circle you relentlessly, continuously swarm. 

A vulture leaves it's dinner alone when all that's left is bone,

But the cynics they don't care, they'll swallow your corpse whole.

 

Now if we stick to our guns,

We can win this fight. 

Do you want to get out alive?

Or lose this all tonight.

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Stand up off the floor.

If I made $5 from everything you broke we'd be millionaires and I'd not feel any better,

Drag me around, flip me to the side, accuse me of being a bitch, well I have to refuse,

I can't live a lie marriage; everyone believes we're a fairytale but I'll write a letter, 

Every time I pitch in when you invite me to, no matter what I say, all you do is accuse. 

 

I'm scared to reach out; I hate to be a cry for wolf but it's not a lie that I need help, 

Do I deserve to be screamed at every waking hour, like an ice cream bar, I will melt, 

I want to be washed down the drain, my ears bleed with every screech of the belt, 

I can't steady my legs; I feel them collapse before my eyes like a flower I wilt, 

 

I will never see you the same ever again after putting that grave image in my head, 

You can't imagine the hurt you caused me before I ever exploded back into your eyes, 

Acid disintegrates everything; my anger can never be seen as nothing, yet it's still fed, 

I've never meant anything to anyone; just one more bitch complaining threw cries. 

 

I've learned; never depend on anyone because all you are is a big tattle tale, 

I feel like the only grown up in the fight, because of it, I'm the stupid bitch who tells, 

Nothing could ever be wrong with you; Mr perfect in your perfect underpants, you fail, 

I fail but at least I admit it; you destroy everything you touch and it always smells. 

 

I can't let you destroy people's belief of me; I can't stand by and be helpless any more, 

I let you rip me up like a piece of trash, flood me to death, let your anger destroy me, 

I will kick and scream; no one will ever be there for you so stand up off of the floor, 

I called out; all I heard was I need to change, yet, I can't be here because I must flee. 

 

 

Internal Battles ****REVISED****

Folder: 
New Work

Thoughts are hard to come by

I can’t focus

I try but thinking  makes it worse

Nothing is helping

All I feel is pain

 

I lay in fetal position on the hardwood floor

Trying to make myself as small as possible

I hear footsteps coming towards me

I open my eyes expecting to see steel toe boots

The boots crashing into my ribs and legs

Covering my head with my arms to block the blow

 

I sigh in relief when I see blue vans

He picks me up and wraps his arms around me

Finally, I can break down

He stays and helps make things seem okay

But we both know that this will happen again

Author's Notes/Comments: 

For the boy who helped me out a lot

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