A Multitude of Woes

Yes, there was a time

I was obsessed by melancholy,

I saw deep sadness,

The quality that so tormented

My former favoured idols,

Poets, painters,

Musicians, actors,

Creators of every kind,

As glamorous and romantic,

But it’s not,

It’s not remotely romantic,

When you yourself are adrift,

And weighed down by a multitude of woes.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

'A Multitude of Woes' was based on diary notes dating from the 19th of March 2014, with revisions being made the following November, and I have only sporadically identified with it since. It was sidelined possibly in early 2019, but I felt compelled to rewrite the entire piece, which is what I did on the 22cnd of March 2019. Image taken 21/3/19.

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I am a dreamer
of dreams,
said Sadie,
a sleeper in beds


not always my own;

my body hugs
the nearest flesh,
kisses on


someone's shoulder,

embraced in
another's arms.
My childhood sweetheart


went away,

left me
in dark shadows,
indulging in


my secret whims,

fingering my hive,
my honey pot,
as he once


called it,

embracing my body
when no one would,
kissing my own shoulder


with my chilling lips,

pretending his arms
were about me,


of my own.

I see death
in each shadow,
angels in each


smiling face;

his finger down my spine
like a viper's lick,
I am the spidery widow,


the sucker of men,

the holder of testicles;
I lick their juices
in my dreams.


My hero comes

only in dreams,
his armour shines
and gleams,


his sword is mightier
than my fragile pen,
his shield surrounds me,
his lance pierces


my cunt,
moves me to tears,
my breath away,


wait for life,
he will say.
My lover swooned
in my arms,


sucked me
to pleasure,
his honeyed words,


breathed his
I love you
in silvery tones,
to make me whine,


and make
sweet moans.
He showed me
handfuls of butterflies,


told me truths
and told me lies,
made me laugh
and cry,


licked me
like a melon,
between my thighs,


kissed my virginity,
said hello
to my sad goodbyes.
I lost a baby


in my sack
of a womb,
it dropped from me
like sweet sad meat,


my eyes scanned it
as it went its way,
the last good bye
carried on


my cry,
in my heart,


in my skull
and dreams.
An uncle fucked
me from behind,


he left his mark
like a devil's kiss,
I see his face
in a thousand mirrors,


his voice
in a cacophony
of sounds,
his smell in the odour


of long dark nights.
An aunt lied
through her teeth,
she knew


I was right,
he was there
that night,
doing his deed,


she turned a blind eye,
and with lashing tongue
brought upon my head,
lying bitch,


she said.
I am a haver
of nightmares,
a sleeper


of shallow sleep,
my arms are punctured
by the needle's kiss,
the junk sails


me away,
the men in my life
are sailors of woe,
they drift in my seas,


on board my ship of doom
wherever she goes,
my body's tall sails;
nothing makes me laugh


or cry except
my baby's touch
in death
which never fails


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Cry with the wolves,

And watch the devils play,

With advantageous eyes,

On the souls of men.

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Beauty Disguised

Beauty disguised in rumpled tatters;
dressed in undoing - not of one's own
Handed to fate - lacking an escape,
sitting by the wayside knowing you're alone

Teardrops leaving traces in the dust;
streaked smudges erasing a hundred more.
Upon your face - the pangs of misery speak;
each moment passed, is time to abhor

Draped in the garments of disparaging grace,
shrouding misfortune falls at your feet
A taunt of hope to end with every day,
honey to vinegar - tastes so bittersweet

An open palm implores meager means;
a morsel of crumbs to ease hunger's vile
Gifted manna is a mirage to the mind;
a moment in dream brings retch of bile

No thoughts to ease reality's blight,
suffers the child with no course to seek
Foreign is smile beneath saddened eyes;
rose's color denied to either cheek

As evening greets without place to rest,
on barren ground, you lay your head
Waking nightmares is the life you lead;
morning approaches, bringing all its dread

Adorned with discarded dreams and hope,
cycle repeats until all is made right
Bring to your heart a child without home;
show your love - help end their sorrowed plight

Beauty disguised in rumpled tatters;
dressed in undoing - not of one's own
Handed to fate - lacking an escape,
sitting by the wayside knowing you're alone

© C.E.Vance

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Through my eyes.

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To Woe

Lost Treasures

'To Woe'

For my friend of Sorrow by; The Dead Poet

My beautiful friend, oh sorrow. I know you will
even be there for me tomorrow. I've seen the pale stare,
from the dead rider with no soul, no whisper of care.
To lust for the Mistress of lost intent, and rape the
values from your vary heart to only then later repent.

Save yourself;
The wicked children, who masquerade as men
sailing under a banner of sin, a game and nothing more to them.
Forgive and forget, the worse we get. Bartering flesh and soul
just to get your next fix.

To woe, this bitter taste I know. To admit defeat,
every damn mistake I've managed to repeat. As sorrow
will be there shadowing my feet. The mocking joke
that this has become my life, the same hidden gem in disguise.

Save yourself;
“I slip into complacency in the way I allow others to treat me.
Constantly in a struggle for self credibility. A vicious cycle that
only perpetuates the loathing and torment. To slip inside the blue waterfall,
and gaze on perfection. Dreaming of distant worlds, all the while
failing your own conscious thought.”

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Haha, a Dead Poet specail.
So a little about "The Dead Poet" it was a pen name I used way way back in the day. I was self conscious about my morbid and dark poetry, was often bluntly told that many times. So I started signing my poetry and writtings with "The Dead Poet" it was sort of a saftey blanket I suppose. Everytime I create a truly disturbing masterpiece I often want to tag it with that name, I've learned however to accept the creepy along with the light hearted that my mind creates. Maybe one day The Dead Poet will have his book published too. ;)

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I love him truly,

It is still in my heart.

Ever since the day we met;

The day that was our start.


Pain grew between us two,

Growing steadily worse day by day.

I still want to be with him,

Yet sadly, leaving is the only way.


Away from him I shall be,

Even though it will hurt me so.

But it shall be for the best,

Even if my heart does loudly woe.



Written on

February 21, 2001 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

This was written during the break up period with Shawn.

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