i just don't understand

just notes*

i see red, i see black, i see you, and i just don't understand.
Where's my blue, my white, where's my light?
I see everything around me and i just don't understand.
Never with peace in mind.
Hope and belief taken away.
How can i sleep when thousands die a day?
How can i dream when thousands don't eat?
Where's my white?
Where's my blue?
All i see is red and black...
I see you and i just don't understand.
Thousands dead.
Thousands hungry.
Too much to do,
Too much to give,
Too much and never enough.
I see red, i see black, i even see grey.
But where is my blue, my white, my yellows?
With thousands to die tomorrow i have no peace of mind.
I see you and i just don't understand.

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Sleep Deprivation

Desperate for an end
Particularly for this wasted time
Sitting here with empty thoughts
Debating on my crime

I come to a conclusion
As well as I have come to many
Looking for truth or insight
Or for something of which there are not many

I bled
I looked
I cried
I wondered
I dabbled through my mind
I found that there is nothing left
For nothing gets left behind

I'm convinced I'm lying to myself
And hopefully I believe
For if not I could destroy myself
Before I even leave

This thing that feeds on me
Gnawing and preventing sleep
Is merely just a phase, a weakness,
a joke
I will survive for I believe

So goodbye dear friend
Goodbye to you too stranger
For you I no longer have use
I only have myself to trust
To hold on to
And to love

But this will not be the last of me
For soon I will return
I may appear the same
I may not
I will leave that for you to discern

Author's Notes/Comments: 

A poem I wrote early one sleepless night, soon before I left.

View nube19's Full Portfolio

6.45 a.m.

If I could sleep through all the days and nights,
Till the sun burst open like a cheap beach ball
And spewed hot death that shone like fairy lights;


If I could sleep until the end of time,
Immersed in honeysuckle ignorance
And wake to find an I. O. U. from God
Post-it noted to my droopy eyelid;


If I could sleep till love no longer meant pain,
And the dreams I dreamt jumped ship from my head,
With that unbridled joy so fearful to name;


If I could sleep past all man’s waking
Knowingness, and find at the end myself
Untouched, as pristine as the Swiss Alps,
For still in my sleepy dreams I dreamt of sleep;


Why, then I would tumble through the darkling cracks.
I would answer sleep’s sweet carrion call.
If I could sleep, and hope for nothing more,
Then would I have my empty dreams fulfilled.

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the stage

my fucked up head

Im tired of running...
Im tired of hiding...
im tired of the games...

No more places to run from...
No more people to hide from...
Im tired of the games...

Wish i could fly...
Wish i could forget...
Wish i could make up new rules...

Tired of waiting ...

Tired of hiding....

Tired of playing...

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Into Space

Jessica Diamond

Staring off at the wall
Feeling like I'm about to fall
Free as a bird without a care
Feeling the wind blow through my hair

Into space I travel again
Floating free, holding only a pen
On the walls I begin to write
Hoping my mind will soon take flight

These wonderful walls of white
In my mind I've reached a new height
Floating free into space
Coming down, the clouds I'll chase

Returning home to find you here
Sit and wait and have a beer
Fluffy feet go running past
Guess it's not 'home at last'

Still off in space with such a buzz
Everything around me has some fuzz
Which way is up and which is down
Reality returns, and I'm left with a frown.

~ Jessica

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Just board and very tired...In some way trying to imagine what it would be like to be high I suppose...my job has that effect on me at times.

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I Am Tired

Notes on Life

I am tired

This road is long

And lonely

Sometimes there are people

But oftener than not

They laugh at me

The Weary Traveler

And whip me

Grinning the whole time

And once I am broken

They kiss my cheek

And say

"Be stronger next time"

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