tears

Tears

You always fear me

For this i don't know why

All i do is run down your cheek

When you cry

Although im small and crystal clear

I form from pain and fear

 

You fear that if i fall

Your weakness will be shown

And again you will feel all alone

But i am not your enemy

I am something that sets you free

 

For i am a tear

I may be nothing to you

But i carry you pain too

As i crash to the ground

not making a sound

All i do is look up at you

And wonder how many time we've been through this

Me and  you

 

So a tear can be something small

But remeber a tear is not just water that falls

Its your pain and heartache too

So sheeding a tear is in the end good for you

 

Dear Jan

Folder: 
1995

My one dearest Jan,

Where are you now?

I see you've been gone

From our hometown

 

It's been three years since I last saw you

I regret that I ever knew you

It was nothing but disgrace

You made me fall far from grace

 

I was 15 

and knew nothing

You were old enough

To fool my young heart

 

I loved you too much

And soon when we touched

I never knew when to stop

Then you put me down to drop

 

That deep feeling was too high

It seemed too new to me

Those sad times were full of lies

But doubts never crossed me

 

They said I was  lucky to have you

I guess they just don't know the true you

Your sick self that frightened me is far from

Your sweet face you displayed in our last prom

 

You acted so good

You fooled her too

She fell to your traps

Like me with your match

 

But you never loved her

Bet her clear vision blurred

'Cause she loved you too

The way I used to

 

Dear Jan, I'm turning 18 now

But Jan, I still remember how

You lost my trust and love

Replaced by tears and grudge

 

I played fair through your rules

I played games though so cruel

Then you laughed at the end of it all

Then I cried, "I should have known"

 

I was 15 and thoughtless

I danced through your flames and traps

You were 18 and ruthless

You planned that sad, heartless match

 

Dear Jan, I cried back then so hard

'Cause Jan, I gave you all my heart

You made me lose all of my faith

Yet I stood up after those fails

 

Jan, I'm smiling again now

Jan, I can love again now

Though they failed too

They weren't like you

 

Even if you answer things I ask

They can never bring back the past

You made myself hide for some time

You made my heart cry the whole time

 

Lessons from you should be learned

Pictures of you should be burned

Three years ago, I was naïve with you

Recalling you, I now know what to do

 
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cracked mask

Folder: 
hunger

mask cracked.. tear spills out.
sudden shock as world turns real..
flash as wave of substance washes out..
echo as awareness of reality bounces back..
reminds me that you are leaving me..
hearts once met paths now taken in other directions
still a friend to me..
memory carried
coloring everyday
with lessons learned from
our meeting and divide..
mask carried to speak to a blind world
cracks as shape of society
falls away in the dust..
only my own voice to
be spoken
only own actions to be
carried out..
hands await the embrace
of a body
they are already destined to touch..
but today
i watch mask crack
and fall away

Author's Notes/Comments: 

we all wear masks.. painted on with loving grace.. in the shape of fangs that hide our tears

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To Be Healed

I sit in a nexus point in time

The branching lines of possibility and intent careening into cold space

Glossy filament, dissolved by mistakes

Whipping wildly to gales of chaotic circumstance

The unseen behemoth we so lovingly dub fate

Held together by the Weak Force of love.

But what does this construct present to us?

Are the shifting crusts that separate us from

the possible and the seen;

the fact and the felt;

solidity and aether;

the binding of sanity or the key to nirvana, accessible to only those who dare venture to the cracks?

But oh so often are those wondering fools caught in an information eruption, flaying the skin from their bones;

subsequently fated to reside within crypts of inumerable dankness. 

A rattling chest beckons the maladroit with assurance of enlightenment; an ironic statement indeed.

You'd need naught but devour your phlanges; they were useless anyway.

The chest opens, and a noxious gas assails the nostrils. cloyingly sweet, delightfully corrosive.

 

You awaken, sealed shut in an osseous cask, left to ponder the meaning of truth.

Is acceptance the paramount variable of validity; if so, of what number?

They say perception is reality, but what if it is skewed?

What descendant of barbarians is deemed pretentious enough to determine the straightness of the path of which he himself is nothing but a node?

Is dichotomous break between the shifting scales of gain and loss the work of the force of true justice, the entropic doings of spirit and sight?

A binaric base would agree.

I'd cleave my heart in two and hand you the bigger half, if only to convince you of my intentions' purity, even in fractured sight; but when the knife bites deep and caverns yawn wide, only black tar remains.

Embarassment.

The current runs; capacitors light and die again; the current runs.

These are the questions that I feel are true. But I know I am wrong;

for I have never existed.  

Author's Notes/Comments: 

inspired by those whose grip is difficult to break, but are flexible enough to know when to release. 

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tags:

I Have A Dream

I have a dream that I might forget what I have learned

In so that I might remember the silence from where I came,

I have a dream that I might touch the heavens, the same,

I have a dream that in calloused hands,

I hold the stars that caress the blackened skies,

And wipe the tears from every eye,

To mend the shattered bits of efforts past,

Fallen fast, on deafened ears,

I have a dream, it lurks, it leers,

In blackened hearts the stakes are thrust,

The loathsome plunge is cast, the taste is sweet to devil's tongues,

I have dream, that soars above these devilish rungs,

That hold the secretness and fears,

And cry the reticence of joy's return beyond the gloom,

I have a dream,

I have a dream.

2013

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AdKYLUxkevE

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Nasty Reminders

I can feel this beat in my finger-tips

The tears, the scars and the rips

Every stitch every staple keeping it confined

These scars a nasty part in a helpful remind. 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I am beginning to notice how dark I really am 0-0 
Feedback is always appreciated.... I may make my next a little longer but not sure im at that point yet :)

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Swimming Eyes

I want to swim in your eyes,

ride each wave,

taste each salty tear. 
I want to be dragged beneath the surface

and witness everything you've ever seen.
What you see as beautiful,

what you see as sorrow,

what you saw yesterday,

what you'll see tomorrow,

I want to be there,

watching from your eyes,

riding each wave,

tasting each salty tear.  

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Fool that is ourself~

high expectations are not my cup of tea, people need to stop tryin' to suck the life out of me..

do we return to the memories..? or do they come back to us?

the only person I really want to talk to right now is my father.. but why bother thinking about it.. 

I just want to question him on everything that seems to of passed us by... like the time.. 

or what we will become after wasting away.. after we've deteriorated & our skin is past grey..

 

slowly paralyzed, fingers first.. trying to figure this out, tying up loose threads.. 

I need to feel alive.. have I been living a lie within my head..?

or am I trapped inside, knowing outside is the reality in which you've been dead.

 

I could spend the rest of my life in bed, until i've cried enough tears to flood the entire house, both stories.

but wouldn't that just be a waste of potential..? to let the pain push me down, further each day.. 

the weight of nostalgia get's heavier, despite it's dismay..

memories are like an impenetrable fog, & everyone else gets the sunshine on their face.. 

do we all pity the fool, that is ourself..?

Unmade mends, loosened knots, dead disillusion

Shrouded with doubt.. cynicism has buried it's way in..

through the skin.. parasites, they grin.. 

I don't know if i'm mean't to be where I am anymore, cause I made a mistake long ago,

did it take me off the right road?

maybe there isn't a right!! maybe everything is just wrong...

perhaps neither of the two.

damn, it can seem so confused.. 

 

These days are like flying forever on an aeroplane, constantly changing destinations while the inside stays the same..

too many people got money on the brain, i'm tellin' you it's gunna really rob your heart of the warmth that brings about positive change.. 

but you're too worried about keeping the change you could be sparing to another brother, in need of some support..

 

God could of wiped me from this earth by now..

the tears I shed are so full of life, & yet so fucking dead..

is this emptiness set apart from what's actually going on within my head..?

will these mends ever be made?

my heart is not your scapegoat, & my mind is not your slave..

so step away.. i'm not able to be caged.

 
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