Suicide & Depression

A PIONEER WOMAN

They have parceled me out amongst them,
Making bogus contracts upon my head.
They who call themselves CIVILIZED.

My water has been poisoned,
And the nature of my food corrupted.
I have been spat upon, brutalized, sucked dry...
They are HYPOCRATES,
Who have cried charges of rape against each other,
But they have not fought for my cause.

OH MY SOUL...

WHY DO THEY TURN DEAF EARS ON MY WEEPING?

WHY DO THEY TURN BLIND EYES FROM MY PAIN?

I have been the giver of life,
Year after Year.
And WHAT do they give me when I give birth?

A TOKEN PLANT,
That EVENTUALLY be killed by them anyway

"It's just a matter of time...."
"They have left me barren!!!"

So many days I want to erupt with fury,
Singe their faces with embers and hot ash.
And I want to drown them in the bitter water they have left me to drink!!!!!!

Andy why?
Why do I continue to lull them to sleep
WITH MY HEARTBEAT?

In THAT moment,
Not long after my death,
THEY WILL THINK OF ME...
ESPECIALLY WHEN JUST DESSERTS COME.

Will someone,
ANYONE,
SPELL IT OUT FOR THEM!!!!!
In the end,
I CHOSE
to no longer be held captive,
And I gave up my spirit.

I am no longer,

Mother Earth

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To Dream it was just a Nightmare

i used to cut myself...
i used to cry myself to sleep...
i used to dream it was just a nightmare...
i used to think of nothing but death...

i used to think i would never survive...
i used to think i would never find happiness...
i used to think i would kill myself...
i used to think i was the only one to get hurt...

blood would dribble down my arm...
the numbing pain seized up my pale bleeding limb....
the fast, sharp, gleeming blade caught a chunk of skin...
my arm began to bleed...
it wouldnt stop, i held the blade within my shivering hand...
then i thought "when will the blood stop.."
but it didnt....
my colours faded...
the world went black and white...
i began to fade.. into the darkness....
the night began to swallow me up...

i used to cut myself...
i used to cry myself to sleep...
i used to dream it was just a nightmare...
i used to think of nothing but death...

im sitting here in heaven looking down on people i left behind...
some may say im selfish...

and now, im wishing... that nightmare was just a dream...

Author's Notes/Comments: 

sorry if anyone gets offend, i hope everyone is mature enough to handle this.
ash :) xx

A note to the suicidal...

I dare you to stare at your bleeding veins!

I dare you to watch your life dripping from your fists!

Can you still look in the eyes of that woman?

The one who gave you this gift; the one to call you “son”…

 

Do her tears and sweat mean nothing to you?

Do you still recall your feelings for her true?

Shame is in soul and not in the body given by God!

In the grave only two shall lie: you and your mud!

 

Are you more of a man now in the eyes of your father?

Have you learnt nothing from him? You didn’t bother!

He told you life’s cruel and the one to fight could only be you!

He told you about life because your old man knew…

 

Weren’t you the one to protect that girl?

The one who thought of you as the sun of her world…

Who’ll hold her tight, and who would now care?

Another fake feeling in her heart so fair…

 

But what you leave behind is just your loved ones’ undeserved pain,

As your flesh decomposes, and your soul was sacrificed in vain…

And you think you escaped and got away from it all

But in the end you shall feel how deeper you’ll fall!

Author's Notes/Comments: 

*Tenebrae*

 

I wrote this not against the suicidal nor pro suiciding.

It's just something I felt like writing after seeing all these teenagers around me killing themselves because of "love" or because they "have it rough". I am pro life and though I do understand that feelings can take over you, I also strongly believe that you can control your own feelings.

In fact, if I had nothing else to live for, I'd  take risks and live on the edge just to see what happens. Curiosity is my weakness, I guess.

 

(PS: *Tenebrae* is an alter-ego... I have 5 of which you'll find out soon enough. To put it short, in order to sort out my feelings and thoughts, so they won't get mixed up, I created 5 alter-egos to take care of this for me. )

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Ghost

Folder: 
Other stuff

I often wonder what it was

That caused such a deep pain

In her, inside her heart

Why she cannot just exist

Be glad to be breathing air

Why does she hate her flesh?

Abusing it as if atonement for still being here

Eyes gone black and cold

Removed

Still here but feels like a ghost

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Escape

Folder: 
Pain.

 

Escape
 
Plunging, like the stone in water, hastening pace,  no matter the current. 
Better put, my world, spiraling down in this abyss of pain called life.
I climb, I can see the top of this hole I'm in, but yet I'll never reach the surface.
I can't get out.
I can't Escape.
 
People come along and tell me theres a way to make it all go away and get better.
I smirk and say, "Death?"
They answer "Yes.." as I notice that these people are yet mere reflections of myself.
I can't get out
I can't escape.
 
Going insane, can't count the days, can't remember faces nor names.
Trying to get out to escape the fucking pain.
PULL back that razor slow! let that fucking hammer pull back and snap!
Pouring wrists? leaking head? But the pain still lingers.
Every one knows the killer, but won't point fingers.
Written in blood, on a sheet's empty space:
I've gotten out.
I've found my escape.
 
                                                                      -GreenPants
Author's Notes/Comments: 

Just a poem....kind of floetry...put anger and hatred and resentment for life for last stanza...gets the feel across.

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