What I am. What You see. What I want.

Pain and Heartache


Is what I am.

No matter how I try to deny it.

I feel nothing.

I see nothing.

I am nothing.

Do not try to argue

for it is the truth.

I am Worthless.


Is what I am

No matter what I try to say.

I feel nothing.

I see nothing.
I am nothing.

Do not try to argue

for it is the truth.

I am Empty.



Is what you see.

Someone who oozes content

You see my smile

You see my mask

You see a lie.

But I do not correct you

because I know you would leave

If you knew the truth


Is what you see.

An emotion that I don't often feel

You see my smile

You see my mask

You see a lie.

But I do not correct you

because I know you would leave

If you know the truth.



Is what I want

Despite how depressed I may seem.

I want to change

I want to be different

I want to feel.... needed

But I don't dare ask

because I fear you may say no

That I am asking too much.


Is what I want.

To feel as though someone cares

I want to change

I want to be different

I want to feel.... needed

But I don't dare ask

because I fear you may say no

That I am asking too much.

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Do You Want Directions to Your Inner-Self?

Take a black felt-tipped pen?

Rip a sparkling-white piece of paper out of a fresh notebook?

Without thinking make one single dot anywhere on the page?

Without thinking make a second dot anywhere on the paper?

Thinking as hard as you can?

Draw whatever line you'd like?

You don't have to start or stop at any point?

Without thinking put the piece of paper up to a light?

Close your eyes?

Draw what you just drew on the sparkling-white piece of fresh notebook paper in your mind-eye?

Then draw it again?

Draw it backwards?

Draw it upside-down?

Then don't draw it?

Open your eyes?

Take the piece of black felt-tip inked paper and crumple it up?

Think of nothing?

Think of everything?

Can you see it?

Don't see it?

What is there to see?

What paper?


What lines?

What thought?













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what is sorry?

some self

made curse,

hidden in


of ground



crawl in


break them

in two

they curl

and thrive,


they go on,

they survive.




6:11 PM 4/18/2013 ©

Author's Notes/Comments: 

wallowing in sorrow, we all do it at times.

View nightlight1220's Full Portfolio

who am i?

standing between the earth and sky

i stop to ask who am i?

this person stands between body and mind.

upon inquiry, who might i find?

i feel the quiver of an ancient soul

eternal, timeless, nameless, and whole.

but truest identity, clearest i claim

i search myself and stand by my name.

who am i? i am jessi

it's so clear and obvious, you see.

but who would i be if named by another?

what if my name was ann, or some other?

still the pulse of innate self calls.

even as sue, my deep self enthralls.

so i claim i am my own actions. 

i choose myself and devote to factions.

i am the artist.  i am the seeker.

i am the waitress.  i am the preacher.

the pulse within hums its dissent.

the me that is real is somehow different.

examine the source of this identity.

each face is fractional, really.

would i be artist if i was born blind? 

would i be waitress if i was unkind?

would i be seeker if i was born numb?

would i be preacher if i was born dumb?

if i was different, would i be me?

the source of self is deeper, you see.

yet each memory makes me more.

i become me with each thought i store.

the faintest glimmer offers rebuttal

from a place bright and guttural

as i age my memories will fade.

with time will identity also evade?

clearly the self reveals in time.

in memory, self can only mime.

the source of me is itself the hum.

it is the throb, it is the thrum.

my mind is the beat, my self is the drum.

it is the song all else comes from.

i am the song my life comes from.

i am song.

i am sung.

i follow along

what i have begun.

i will sing until i am done.

i am what life comes from.


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ALT (Tapping Distilled Unconsciousness in Search of Something Conventionally Pretty)

In vain I projected mine to yours -

polygonal waves came out to gush,

turning all substantial things to dust

that could've been used to bridge from me

to you.

What rhythms we'd created.

Now, when the land failed to stay, I walked

on the air as it turned to pixels;

fraying and then clumping in patterns

that were so precise, but couldn't be.

In a convulsive sequence they lit

and were so inviting and eager

for an unexpected step that feels


familiar - Resonating.

Eventually they forced me to dance

in order to proceed and survive.

But I didn't mind. A presence came

to accompany me in tandem,

mastering me in grace while never

showing its face.



Author's Notes/Comments: 

I deleted a post earlier today with a title nearly identical to this one. The post wasn't worth keeping but the title was.

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Inner self

Im short
9 days short
Pearnts come home
They Ague On why
on why im short
I Dont know why
My father turns to my mother
asks her have u taken them
She stands there in a shocked gaze on her face
a worrying look tells it all Tells it all
I realise why im short all the time now
I need them to do my everyday life habbits
I realie on them for school
I realie on them For Controlling myself
For every single thing i do
I need them
with out them im lost
lost in pitch black darkness
Last time I was stupid
it cost me friends
it cost me my Job
that right my job
My only sorce of money
I Did somthing stupid i didnt have them at all
4 weeks with out them Cost me soo much
mentally and physically
I gained weight
I suffered the depression
I suffered losing wat mattered to me
If only she didnt take them
I would still have a job
I wouldnt of done what i had done

Author's Notes/Comments: 

My medication for adhd and ODD

View xx-razor-xx's Full Portfolio

my ode entitled 'love yourself today'


My ode entitled LOve yourself TODAY


Love yourself today, tomorrow too
Treat yourself, you know you want to
To do things you love to do
Living life with joy is the real you


Because one’s DNA only regenerates
When you love and not hate
And when bliss you do create
It does lift one huge weight


Like the great Muhammad Ali
Floated like a butterfly, sting like a bee
Though without all that angry


Really does you no favours: Scalds

Buddha said like holding hot coals

Because we are 85% water based


And professor Emoto, out of Japan
Put peace and love in a watering can
Beautiful shapes, what a magician


Love can conquer most anything

And keep you in a high vibration
Do not be anyone's plaything
And your higher vibration will be deafening


Because the divine created with sound
When peace and love all abound
Keep spreading love all around
Keep vibrating high and loud.
Don't let this world drag you down

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My Words

Thoughts I place upon the page,
a foreign soul belonging to me.
Presented view from the other side,
letters I form lets the seeker see.

Dwelling in reach-seeming so far,
hidden face in façade of stone.
From calm to tempest for all to hear,
emerges a voice unlike the known.

Spoken by one - but garnered for two,
inside the depths lies vision's sight.
Pretenses follow an expected path;
trails beyond whispers is what I write.

A handful of words are of my own;
the spell for an enchantment to dreams.
Each sharing speaks the realm of mind;
my surrounding world as it seems.

© C.E.Vance

Author's Notes/Comments: 

A bit of nonsense which I should have tossed in the waste can. It is what it is.

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Dyson Selph

Here sits a group;
they've little to do.
Orbital prose
'round star manufactured
by sheer graphene glue.
Densely collected,
yet separate - severed;
and drawn to their source
at center.
Element, ether,
irradiated tether:
come now together to
hoist man to nether and
see him delivered to
space where Gods linger,
or hoist at him truths which
destroy him forever.

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