sadness

When I Became The Night

 

 

It was when the dusk overshadowed brightness
And blocked out all rays of hope.
It was when my life became too distorted
And I could no longer cope.

 

When shadows were cast downward,
Falling over my forward path,
Causing me to loose my direction,
Too lost in midnight's wrath.

 

It was when my days all darkened,
The sun no longer shining it's grace.
No longer there to tepid my soul,
Nor warm the contours of my face.

 

When long hovering clouds, opened up,
Releasing torrents I couldn't bear.
When the deluge overtook too fast
And drowned one, already gasping for air.

 

It was when I could no longer see past,
The shaded areas, to look to the light.
Blinded by a pitching blackness,
It was when I became the night.


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I Can't Do This Anymore

 

Life, you win.
I'm too battered, too sore.
Too weakened to fight,
I can't do this anymore.

 

You've taken it all,
And left me agape.
Even in dreams,
I find no escape.

 

You taunt me with lies,
Even while I'm asleep.
I awake to darkness,
And in my silence, I weep.

 

You show me things,
That can never be.
Those things that mean,
The very most to me.

 

But you keep them away,
Just beyond my reach.
My trust is shattered,
My soul, it is breached.

 

You dangle them, before me,
Like a jagged piece of bait.
I've never caught, them at all,
And now, its too late.

 

So please, let me go,
You're the victor in this war.
I'll just take my leave.
I can't do this...anymore.

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Little Girl

Folder: 
Dark

 

Feeling like a little girl

Comforted by her cries

Every minute the big hand clicks

A little more she dies.

 

Fumbling around in darkness

Not knowing what to do or say

Trying to fix what’s wrong

But only gets turned away.

 

Swallowed up by her fears

Feeling tired and alone

The blanket that covers her now

Barely warms the bone.

 

Her head is pounding intensely

The beat grows harder still

Wondering if an ease will transcend

She just wants something real

 

 

July 29 2007

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Struggling, hard choices and confusion.

Solace

When souls are dark as the night

When solace lies not in the stars

But in the dream kept by others

And in those tears not shed

For solace is forgotten

In all but the darkest of nightmares

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The Darker Place I Go

Folder: 
The Dark Side

 

I'm headed down that road again

the one with no turn-around.

The one that tempts

and beckons

like offerings of water

to a desert-parched soul.

 

Its safer at the end of there-

for no one dares follow

not even to lead you back

from the brink-

so cold-hearted and barren

of emotions they are already.

 

No...simply emotionless,

they watch you walk

farther and farther away

sucked down deeper

into the blackness-

and they don't even wave goodbye.

 

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I Am Already Dead

Folder: 
The Dark Side

 

No big loss...yeah,

That would be me.

In a final act

To finally set me free.

 

None would mourn

Or even shed a tear

If one day soon

No longer, I'm here.

 

I've nothing left

Worth holding to

Its what I've known

I really must do.

 

I might as well

Have the life from me, fled

For in living like this,

...I am already dead.

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Its not something I would ever do...only this way...via poetry

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Universal Expansion

 

Into the soil we plant our seed

Surround it with affection to prevent a weed

We feed and water this delicate notion

With love we give our hearts devotion

It's begins to sprout, our little conception

Tiny leaves, the feelers of innocent perception

Basking in days of naïve exhilaration

Unaware that it is a product of creation

Our little shoot has grown to tree

With rain and snow beating down on thee

Wonders of why there are such days

Thoughts of times spent better ways

Exhilaration turns to thoughts of despair

More misfortune than our little tree can bare

With fear in it's heart and a tear in it's eye

It visualizes the days, it's spirits were high

Suddenly the sky darkens and stars shine through

Screaming “That's exactly what we wish you to do”

Just think of love and appreciation

For you are indeed our finest creation

We adorn you with light, guidance and acceptance

You need only to walk through our lighted entrance

Keep aligned and focus on all things good

And you will discover our brotherhood

You see, we are all connected in every way

And have been since the dawn of day

For your thoughts become our expansion

That's how the universe has built it's mansion

For you are god and he is you

Together you work like paper and glue

So think your wants and your hearts desires

And you will ignite creations like wild fires

Keep positive thoughts and make it your goal

To keep feelings of gratitude and passion in your soul

So stop the martyrdom, irritation and rise

To focus on life through rose colored eyes!

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I believe we truly create our lives. What we live, we decided to live. You can never appreciate the good without the bad.Wink

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Breakup of Success

Abandoned and afraid
Scared to death I fade
Exhausted and dejected
Anxiety to be expected

.........................................

Only you know what you’ve done
My heart strings toyed for fun
Convinced you’re worth the fight
I went sleepless night after night

.........................................

Lying to my face
I thought you needed space
****, I was wrong
With him now you’re strong

.........................................

Your decision to leave
But you led me to believe
With my heart full of affection
I believed in a re-connection

.........................................

I was too naive
Blind, she won’t deceive?
But now I see the clues
Just a firework with no fuse

.........................................

Bawling for days
Alone with God I praised
A chance to be redeemed
This is what I always dreamed

.........................................

Slowly I found the sun
Finally, it begun!
A path to become a man
God laid out my plan

.........................................

Engineered to perfection
I detached no more connection
Freedom long at last
Happiness unsurpassed

.........................................

I jostled for position
Ignited with ambition
Friends, family and new dates
My single life awaits

.........................................

A 180 degree transition
Now I’m on a mission
Jubilant life grows on
New beginning, I’m a pawn

.........................................

The spring of the upswing
Soon I’ll be a king
Bitterness in the past
Surprised by this contrast

.........................................

I rose up from the dust
Like a bomb I was combust 
The fire burned inside
Leaping I found my stride 

.........................................

This poem a rendition 
Interpret with conviction
For I have found the way
Forever I will stay

 

Regret

The days were once bright and vibrant
Somehow I thought otherwise
Your love brought me summer time happiness
Now, even on the hottest of July afternoons, im cold to the bones
Your voice still echoes ever so subtly in my mind
as I stare into an eternal field of nothingness
I ponder whether our souls will unite again..
 
Author's Notes/Comments: 

I loved this woman for years. She was my best friend and my partner in crime.

I left her for a young beautiful scandinavian woman.

I now regret what I did, because she could never love me in the way this woman did.

I think about her everyday..

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