relationship

Heart Attacks and Living

Folder: 
2017

Every time my heart stops I feel more alive.

I know I should turn back but I can’t find my steps

so the world etches these scenes into my pages

I will keep turning

from a time bomb to a constant,

I will keep turning

from a whisper to a heart attack.

 

Every time my heart breaks I keep on living.

If this heart is a desert all I need is water,

pick up the pieces and it runs from my fingers

I will keep turning

from barren to beautiful,

I will keep turning

from empty to bursting.

 

I would ask who do you think I am

but I don’t need to see you weak

to be strong.

 

So I will keep loving heart attacks,

sometimes I love too much to do it well.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written 5/28/17

Breathe

Folder: 
2017

Will I remember to breathe when you’re here,

when you’re gone?

 

I forget,

I remember,

I exhale a hurricane and leave steam on your skin.

 

I learn loss when the doors are closed,

I set sail at all the wrong times.

 

I am too human,

I leave a mark wherever I go,

it is not always a good one.

 

We all want to leave postcards, silhouettes, golden

but mine always turn gray and crumble to dust.

I want to leave color,

flood these hours with more than minutes.

 

I want to leave fingerprints

so you know I was here.

But this might be a crime scene,

if it is I will take all the blame

I hope if it is the blood runs beautiful.

 

Will I remember to breathe when you’re here,

when you’re gone?

Maybe it doesn’t matter.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written 5/26/17

Forgetful

Folder: 
2017

I am the worst kind of forgetful.

I want to remember how to know you,

I want to remember all your syllables

and string them together like fairy lights at sunset,

I want to remember what you need me to forget.

 

I have the worst kind of smile.

You can draw it out too easily.

I try not to smile in front of people who know me too well,

they might keep it like a memory.

I don’t want to build any memories,

most things I build don’t last.

 

I am the worst kind of armrest.

When I try to hold you I feel your balance breaking,

hands shake but I don’t want a handshake,

I want clovers and whispers and sand in our shoes,

midnights that don’t need to end.

 

I want to run but I have the worst kind of balance.

I try to have stronger muscles,

ones that won’t struggle when I hit the rocks,

I trip and fall too easily.

 

I have the worst kind of current.

When the air is silent

I don’t have the voice to fill it with sparks.

When the air is electric

I fall for your stars like lightning.

 

I am lucky to have this street to walk.

But I don’t like being this kind of forgetful.

I remember everything.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written 5/25/17

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Don't Go Loving Me

Folder: 
2017

I remember

seeing those signs

Dropping them at your door

I remember sitting here

wanting nothing

I remember wanting more

 

And she said

Don't go chasing those sunsets

Don't go thinking you're free

Don't go thinking your hand is tied to mine

Don't go loving me

 

I've been told

my mouth is too dry

I don't have the words to explode

I've been told I'm a world

I'm a desert

I don't know how to follow this road

 

And she said

Don't go chasing those sunsets

Don't go thinking you're free

Don't go thinking your hand is tied to mine

Don't go loving me

 

I leave here

with an ache, with a smile

I'll return for this close and this need

I leave here wanting more,

wanting something

I leave here and I don't care if I bleed

 

And she said

Don't go chasing those sunsets

Don't go thinking you're free

Don't go thinking your hand is tied to mine

Don't go loving me

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written 5/24/17

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Better Words

Folder: 
2017

I have read much better words

than the ones I can spill from my head.

 

I want half the spark of all these old souls,

the sentences I have loved enough

to store in boxes or scribble down.

 

I try to steal a sliver of them

but every time I’m done I know I could do better

and still you will worship these words like you shouldn’t.

 

I have written much better words

than I am worth.

 

I could pay off my debts with all this poetry

but then I would be empty

and I don’t know what else I have to spend on you.

 

I have half a mind to turn off the flow and talk

but I want to keep knowing you like language.

 

I hope to never make you love this

as much as your favorite song,

or when my pen stops breathing

I will leave you bruised.

 

But I am not a waterfall,

I feel like a spring,

there is no end to the rush the words the life

every time you touch me.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written 5/22/17

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Find You

Folder: 
2017

I find you and find you and still

I think I could lose you again

I might hope but it won’t end up growing

so take us how we are.

 

I breathe you and breathe you and still

I don’t want to find another atmosphere

Turn the page and we fall into fragments

but glass is all I want sometimes.

 

I choose you and choose you and still

it matters to me so much what I say

so trust me, you are here and I will not lie but

I will not say everything I want to.

 

I love you and love you and still

I can’t give you all of the burning

The end is the only thing I need to swallow

and never want to see.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written 5/19/17

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There is love out there some where

Dont know what to do ?                                                                                                                        With you i am still in love.                                                                                                                   I feel like i am on a desert.                                                                                                                   Island waiting for my prince.                                                                                                               To come. And rescue me.                                                                                                                    But i am clueless to believe.                                                                                                               In such werid and crazy stuff.                                                                                                             Even though it dont seem like much                                                                                                  i starting questioning our love.                                                                                                          Or will god send me the                                                                                                    From up   answer from up above .waiting                                                                                                         and hoping to know and figure                                                                                                     ut out the true guessing games                                                                                                             of love dont want my exs to be right.                                                                                               I will never get married to my mister light .                                                                                       the one who will make my life shine bright .                                                                                     

Author's Notes/Comments: 

There is someone out there for me and accept me for the real me gosh where is he at. 

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What Could Happen

Folder: 
2017

I know what could happen.

That’s not stopping me from spending all this time.

 

I am not giving up a given amazing for a maybe better,

we might be watching a storm but we don’t know it yet

so I draw the lightning on my skin to remember you by.

 

I am not giving up a now because it could fall south.

I love lying with you too much for that.

 

I know what could happen.

That’s not stopping me from spending all this time.

And if I look back

I might regret the kickstart but I will love all the minutes.

 

I know what could happen.

But I know what’s happening.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written 5/19/17

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Undone

Folder: 
2017

I’m not through trying to love you.

Don’t make me look too hard to find you.

I slice the horizon and I don’t need a miracle.

 

I hold myself closer when you’re around,

skin shaped like my own sanity

I’ve only started to notice in your eyes.

 

I watch the lights bleed out to these edges and

the sweet starts to taste like truth

as soon as it melts on my tongue.

 

I count silence the same way as the best words,

sometimes I forget about the swords in our pockets.

We might look like hell but we taste like heaven.

 

You undo me, I don’t want to be undone

I want to be stitched, I want to be here.

I want to be so here I fall through the ceiling.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written 5/17/17

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