Rage

Inside

Gut wrenching, bloodcurdling,
Heart pounding, can't breathe.
A vice, it closes
Tighter, tighter
Round my
Throat
Lungs
Heart
Soul
Pain, pain
Like a torch in my stomach,
A fire in my veins,
An earthquake in my chest.
Whispering, hush hush,
Don't tell her,
She's a freak,
Quiet.
Screaming,
Wailing, in my head,
Voices that tell me...
I'm better off dead.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Thoughts/Comments appreciated.

The Hand of God

I die so many years ago and God denied my soul.
The Devil keeps calling but I will not let it go.
Lost in the abyss I try and find my way through the mist.
My path unclear but I will fight my way there.
Battling through the shadows I will continue to win the battles.
The light I seek, his grace I will win with defeat.
On the battlefield I stand tall, this is my last chance after all.
Rage and blood in my eyes I reach my sword to the skies.
I come to a realization and I understand, I must lay down my sword so I can take the holy spirit by the hand.

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Losing our minds

Folder: 
No more chances

sometimes we turn on the tv
looking for something to see

sometimes we get caught up in the government
inside our minds we try to fix the bleed

one on millions is what we are
one man cant do the job well
but the rest of us can tear him down son
are you with me to say fair well

one on millions
cant stop us now
one on millions
total control
come join the croud son
as we come tear them down from all!!!!!

listen to the hectic words
the radio and its regulations
control of one mans belief
keeps the rest in dedication
you may try to make us see
you can try and say were free
but with all this despiration
the impossible is to believe

one on millions
cant stop us now
one on millions
total control
come join the croud son
and stop this world from this fall!!!!!!

Author's Notes/Comments: 

no more tv and radio

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tags:

Rage

What is it that inspires this rage?
This curious need to bruise and rupture?
Are we, for all our words, locked in
A cage,
Like unselfconscious animals,
Waiting to strike, to rip and rend and feed
On vanquished still-quivering flesh?
At any juncture?

And do we know, do we know
Just what we do?
Have we a clue?
In any way, shape, or form
Can we gain redemption
From this red mist that diffuses
Out the bloody marshes of
Our soul?

I cannot fight it,
I suppose I owe it everything,
And so I drop the pen,
And pick up the sword:
Ready to die for nothing at all.

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tags:

What I Hate About You

I have an immense capacity for
Hate, something I think you already know.
There are days when I want to batter your face,
And I wonder how far I can go.

And I wonder if I’m in the right
Or whether I’m even human
As I sit here writing this and stare
At my face in the mirror.

Just how much do I deserve
To live and love and feel?
Am I damned, in Calvinist manner,
To spend eternity in fire?

And yet I still hate you so fucking much
I want to smash that frigid, passive-aggressive
Smile, even as I fear the consequences,
I want to break that smile.

I hate that smile, and I think I hate you
(And does that make me a misogynist?
And I am terrified of that. And just how much
Is it all your fault? You fucked me up, you get the gist?)

I also loath your authority over me,
And the crosses you seem to love to bear,
Like cooking, such an arduous task,
Or walking the dog,
Or being a mother,
Or shopping,
Or drying your fucking hair.

Or, God forbid, living.

I swear to God, when I am free,
It’ll be the last you see of me
For a very long time.

But until then,
I’d better take two,
Lest I kill you before the day is through.

And I am crying now.

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Quieting Rage

When children bear pain
Absent defenders sought
But wanting births monstrous rage

No
Haiku will not do
Will not lend voice to such rage
Will not give life to such creatures
As needed to right the wrongs
And heal the deep burning wounds

Yet sonnets are lovely, perhaps it seems
Melancholy songs of burdening woe
But inky scratch on torn paper is mean
Befit the crime but a sonnet? oh no

There are but words
Of hate and violence
Of revenge and justice

(Vengeance is mine)

There are cries for grace
Pleas for peace

(It is finished)

Does this child bear pain
Does this victim seek advocates

(My burden is light)

I cannot carry, my back has grown weak
I struggle to lift leg after leg

(Decrease, I’ll increase)

What victim remains
When all justice is poured
And all mercy portioned out
And all that’s left is my own pride

(Pride goes before a fall)

And thus the greatest adversary of all

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Flaming

Folder: 
2009

No one knows

No one ever will

What is held inside

And kept so still

 

You need to understand

But I can’t tell you

About the abyss inside me

The lies are ever true

 

I’m happy and everything’s fine

Really I’m okay

And the sun doth shine

Well how do you say

 

I LIE

See how my pants flame

But it doesn’t hurt

No more than the fear and shame

 

I fight the insecurities

With scratches and blood

And try to hide it all

In a graveyard of mud

 

I’ll try to hide it

But one day you’ll see

But not my tears oh no

You’ll see the rage in me

 

And that scares me more

So I try to scream

But I can’t get out

Can’t break the seam

 

~Chrystal

Written on

February 2, 2009

Author's Notes/Comments: 

This was written to Eli. Talking about me and my untruths.

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Anger

Folder: 
2003

Teardrops falling in my head

My heart is heavy as lead

Emotions worn on my sleeve

And the world is my pet peeve

 

Emotions filling my entire soul

My temper rages out of control

Make it stop, make it quit

Or I fear my head will split

 

I try to make you understand

The way it is in my own land

The mountains and valleys of my mind

The highs and lows you shall find

 

Yet our thoughts are ever so different

Thus fighting is how out time is spent

My love for you is ever true

I’m just sick of arguing with you

 

~Chrystal

Written on

June 20, 2003

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I dont know who this was written to. Yet I know its true with anyone you are fighting with.

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The Riddle of Time

Folder: 
Poems

Running faster and faster through time
It all seems to stand still as I lie
Yet violently passes me by
The minutes they tick by as do the years
They all blend together as the fallen road viers

Running faster and faster through time
Stuck in a sea of homeostasis
While the leaves of change ever chase us
The hours integrate within the decades
Counting as sheep within a violent hurricane

Running faster and faster through time
Will this distant lifetime just pass us by
While the clock is ever running, pushing us aside
Change is the constant so we disengage
Still, life seems as if viewing from a cage

Will these days ever take?
Will the constant change break?
Will I see my life for a change?
Will I solve this constant rage?

These days are ever running slow
One day we'll awake from this state
And wonder "Where did it all go?"

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Sometimes time seems like its going very slow, like when your at work.  But if you think about it and look back it seems to run too fast.  This is why I can never seems to find the time to do the things that I want to do.  Its a constant frustration of mine.

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