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Abra The Bully

Folder: 
Poetry

Abra suddenly appeared;

He knocked on my door.

But I was startled,

So I slammed the door.

 

Later I went into the hallway,

And there he called me bitch.

I thought he would beat me up,

But he turned his back and went away.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Some terrible event in my life.

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Abandoned Child

Folder: 
Poetry

My brother died,

And in his place;

I was born;

But I was repelled.

 

My mother threw me from the table,

Abused me, both mind and body.

My father never present,

And if so, he ignored me.

They left each other fast,

'cause mother was a lesbian.

But my father needed a woman,

For his children and as a housewife.

 

The second was quite alright,

Even if she made me eat axis.

Only my sister I couldn't see,

That became off limits.

 

After years they had their divorce,

And then came the third, the most terrible.

My wicked stepmother,

The greatest dictator.

 

She tried to strangle my brother,

Then father did interfere.

She put me in the sanitarium,

With false motives, my fear.

 

Firstly in a crisis-centra,

'cause I run away from home.

Then in the sanitarium,

Where I for six months did roam.

 

In the sanitarium,

Provided with medication.

By which I lost my memory,

Crawling in the emptiness of chaos...

 

Regularly I suffered blackouts,

By which I saw nothing.

Not knowing what I did,

Much like sleep-walking;

And strange vistas occurred.

 

I wasn't suffering delirium,

Is what the doctors told.

So all this time,

I was in the asylum for no reason.

 

Then I had to go to boarding-school,

Where I developed something bad: anger.

I wanted to kill another, a female;

And Nyarlathotep, I am sorry;

Maybe I didn't wanted to commit this act,

But I had to from Satan...

 

What happened was unforeseen,

'cause my room was now aflame.

The building completely in axis,

The police came to arrest me.

 

A year and a half in prison,

Locked away in a cell, in Hell.

A year and a half terror,

The bondage of society.

 

When I got out, there was another project,

Named room-training.

I had to work in a factory,

But that didn't end well...

I started to mutilate myself,

Which I learned in the sanitarium.

They send me to the hospital,

To the psychiatric division.

Then again to the crisis-centra,

Which I didn't liked at all.

As if I had to start over,

This was too much overall...

 

Through the open door I escaped,

And from my last money;

I was buying a train-ticket,

Which brought me to Ramses.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

This is my autobiography.

A Little Child

Folder: 
Poetry

Have to be a little child from my father,

Have to obey Cthulhu evermore.

And all bad things turned into dust,

By my evil and good Father.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Some thoughts.

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IM A BROKEN MIRROR

I smile to make you happy, 
even tho i have stopped trying
to make myself that way...
I smile to convince you that im ok,
I smile to keep you from worrying 
about me because
im really not as important as you say,
I smile because im afraid
of the way i truly feel inside...
I smile to hide that inside...
I am crying - I am dying - for you!
I leave a trail of silent tears,
from all my silent silent fears;
because you cant hear my 
screams of pain an suffering can you? 
I didn't think so! 
Im a broken mirror 
reflecting the emotions you want to see. 
While inside i am breaking down 
i am Lonely and i have given up...
Suicidal thoughts flash through my head 
like black fireflies in the dark of night, 
under the moons mystifying light,
landing and bringing back the darkness
leaving traces of UN-decreasing pain 
I've been through hell...
you just can't see...
My razor kissed and 
crimson bloody wrists. 
My silent tears,
My silent fears,
Hidden in the darkness
To shy to stray into the light
And that is why tonight,
One more kiss upon that wrist
Will have a deeper meaning
Than all the rest.
It will set me at bay 
In the place i truly belong.
y final resting place. 
Away from the pain of light,
Where i truly belong.
Six feet under....
In my own little world, 
in my own new home 
-My coffin 
Six feet under is where i truly belong 
Thats why I'm now dead, 
Thats why I'm now gone!
Author's Notes/Comments: 

This poem is all about me and my life and how ifeel. i cried writing it 

Abra The Bully

Folder: 
Poetry

Abra suddenly appeared;

He knocked on my door.

But I was startled,

So I slammed the door.

 

Later I went into the hallway,

And there he called me bitch.

I thought he would beat me up,

But he turned his back and went away.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

A poem I wrote about something that worried me.

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Gone

You ever hated someone so much that you hate yourself for still loving them?
Confusing concept, maybe.. but that's how I feel when I think about you.
I bet my life would be completely different had I never met you but you've become a major reason of why I am who I am..
Still.. when I think about you, it feels like I'm just painting a mental picture of someone that I never really knew.

Man, I try to tell myself that you were just a bump in the road. I convince myself that nothing can bring me down, not even you.
Yet every now and then, your memories still come rushing like wildfire.. I guess my own mind is my biggest enemy.
How do you play it off so well? I mean, I'm a professional at the game of 'who can care less' but damn, did I really ever mean anything to you?
We went from being a thing to envy to acting like we never had any chemistry. And to think.. just last week, we still got along perfectly.

You'd think by now I'd get used to people always leaving, but something about you just seemed different from the rest.
You had my mind gone. You gave me hope. You seemed flawless. You were the one that was going to justify why nobody in my past remained true..
But boy, did you prove me wrong. I gave you my all. I tried to be the best I can, just for you.. but I guess you must not have been impressed.
You left behind all the promises you made.. all the bullshit you fed me. And the only thing gone now is you.

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Conquered Struggle

Folder: 
Personal

Awake me up from the coffin
I shall not sleep in
Encouraged to enjoy a life unbroken
Fighting the habits that battle against me

Decision approved struggled a clear mind
Silencing the urges fought down inside
Need no gum, no patch, just a habit flying by
Knowing an urge is gone to die

Conquer my impatience
Releasing positive
Dwelling will not succeed
In a dark shallow hole I will not plunder

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Ditching a habit. In this case, was Smoking. And I've successfully battled it with flying colors.

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Behind The Smiles

She walks around with her head high.. her face, always full of smiles.
But if you knew her story and what she has been through, you'd see she really doesn't have a damn thing to smile about.
So beautiful and down to earth, you'd assume she's the kind of girl capable of driving a man crazy enough to have him walk a thousand miles..
But really, she has been hurt and deceived so many times that the most amazing thing about her turns out to be her refusal to pout.

With each downfall and heartbreak, she learns a lesson. She puts on her reluctant, yet beautiful smile and convinces herself that everything will be okay..
Still, you couldn't begin to imagine the countless hours she spends crying when she's by herself behind closed doors.
Sometimes, she even forgets what she's crying about as she looks around helplessly.. but of course, no one is ever present to wipe the tears away.
And as the tears continue to roll, she is then reminded of all the things going wrong in her life and well.. when it rains, it pours.

Before you know it, morning rolls around. She gathers herself, ready to start a brand new day, as she realizes she has once again cried herself to sleep.
Her overwhelming beauty is noticeable to possibly even the blind.. but still, every one fails to see the pain she carries inside her heart.
Poor girl.. no one understands. No one looks into her eyes long enough to see that she's once again ready to weep.
But maybe one day they'll look past her contageous smile and see that this is a broken girl, on the edge off falling apart.

Orange and Red

The Sun sets, in hues of orange and red
Still i'm blue with you in my chest
forget my head
I'm not lonely, not even upset
I simply can't sleep without you
I miss being able to rest
Every moment of my timeless day
Seems to fade, yet not always ending the same
Its a computer program
and you're the glitch
Bring emotion in this land of mania
Love beyond bliss
This existence is infinite I can clearly see
Opened myself up to All-Possibility
Yet you are the only mystery that still profounds me
I stop and still feel you all around me
I miss your smile
I miss your taste
I miss our silly laughs and childish games
I miss being able to stroke your face
Until these vibrating cell walls fall again
The least is I may still be able to call you my friend
But until then, and this fence ends;
The Sun sets, in hues of orange and red

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I actually made this profile just for this poem.