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Abandoned Child

Folder: 
Poetry

My brother died,

And in his place;

I was born,

But I was repelled.

 

My mother threw me from the table,

Abused me, both mind and body.

My father never present,

And if so, he ignored me.

 

They left each other fast,

'cause mother was a lesbian.

But my father needed a woman,

For his children and as a housewife.

 

The second was quite alright,

Even if she made me eat axis.

Only my sister I couldn't see,

That became off limits.

 

After years they had their divorce,

And then came the third, the most terrible.

My wicked stepmother,

The greatest dictator.

 

She tried to strangle my brother,

Then father did interfere.

She put me in the sanitarium,

With false motives, my fear.

 

Firstly in a crisis-centra,

'cause I ran away from home.

Then in the sanitarium,

Where I for six months did roam.

 

In the sanitarium,

Provided with medication.

By which I lost my memory,

Crawling in the emptiness of chaos...

 

Regularly I suffered blackouts,

By which I saw nothing.

Not knowing what I did,

Much like sleep-walking;

And strange vistas appeared.

 

I wasn't suffering delirium,

Is what the doctors told.

So all this time,

I was in the asylum for no reason.

 

Then I had to go to boarding-school,

Where I developed something bad: anger.

I wanted to kill another, a female;

And Nyarlathotep, I am sorry;

Maybe I didn't wanted to commit this act,

But I had to from Satan...

 

What happened was unforeseen,

'cause my room was now aflame.

The building completely in axis,

The police came to arrest me.

 

A year and a half in prison,

Locked away in a cell, in Hell.

A year and a half terror,

The bondage of society.

 

When I got out, there was another project,

Named room-training.

I had to work in a factory,

But that didn't end well...

I started to mutilate myself,

Which I learned in the sanitarium.

They send me to the hospital,

To the psychiatric division.

 

Then again to the crisis-centra,

Which I didn't liked at all.

As if I had to start over,

This was too much to deal...

 

Through the open door I escaped,

And from my last money;

I bought a train-ticket,

Which brought me to Ramses.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

This is my auto-biography in poetry-form.

A Little Child

Folder: 
Poetry

Have to be a little child from my Father,

Have to obey Cthulhu evermore.

And all bad things turned into dust,

By my Evil and Good Father from Beyond.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Some thoughts.

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A Hole: Pain Through The Brain

Folder: 
Poetry

I woke up,

In the mirror I had my closeup.

There was a hole in my throat,

Fastly I slipped into my coat.

 

I went to the hospital,

I was worried I recall.

I gave the fault to Abra,

Who was able to the macabre.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

A dream I had.

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Visions

Folder: 
Poetry

I see London,

I see France

And the bridge between.

 

Like an eagle my vision flies

Over the countries

Over the rivers

Over the plains.

 

Truly adventure

Can happen inside

You don't have to leave your house

To project or have visions.

 

I roam far and wide,

I see heaven and the sky

I see the Cosmos

In and Outside

 

My vision travels

Far and wide!

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Personal poem.

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Enter My Fear

All of the welcoming emotion suddenly dies.
and the darkness shrouds the land in only misery's cries.

 

Enter grief!
A timeless ocean. 
Trapped of despair, trapped without relief
Enter the moon!
Endless racing of the thoughts.
Including you alone, trapped dead inside an empty room

The dead is holding you stiff once more!
Staring into your eyes, never have you felt so gone before

The time comes again, to pit against all that is you
Will you ever find the part of you that is actually true?

Paint the sky bleak
Consider everything we cannot speak

The one painting with the sun I painted as a child is lost.
Reality has broken the barrier, this is the ultimate cost



 

I Walk An Endless Road

I walk endless an road

locked into a heavy load

Of these questions and fears

Gripping from it's unreasonable tears

 

As a car roars by

I look dead into it's light

Wondering where it leads

But just like that it's gone

just like another day

As I wake up to the sun's harsh light

 

I try not to look back

As I attempt to fill this crack

Of this hurt and wonder

Unstoppable, a storm of rain and thunder

 

As a car roars by

I look dead into it's light

Wondering where it leads

But just like that it's gone

just like another night

As I stay up to the moon's hypnotic might

What It Is

I feel like every single thing is like a mind game,  played and laid out for me

I can't feel a single thing, like I'm not blind, but I still can't see

 

What is it really? Perhaps it's not that important?

Tell me what it is, or is it just my own comportment?

 

I have walked in the very things I've looked down upon

What I once thought was selfish, now I too am wrong

 

and now there is blood all over my hand

But I have no idea why, I just don't understand

 

This is a complication called the human mind

Irony, double standards, hypocrisy, A place to be so blind

 

To wallow and loop in this thick puddle of shame

For the mistakes commited, I fairly wore the blame

 

Knowing is the beginning is something I suppose

It's better to learn, rather than to find it to oppose.

 

So I guess I'll take my feelings and throw them to the floor

I'll leave you where you originally were, trapped inside a closed door

 

And you can echo your goodbyes

as you embrace yourself to the ink of sheer ignorance and sighs..

I Want To Look At Someone

Folder: 
Just Me

I want to look at someone 

and never want to look away

for fear that they might dissapear

and be only a memory.

 

I want someone to look at me

that way

like I am such a precious gift

that to lose me would be hell

like finding me was

the best moment of their life.

 

I want to see someone 

and think

they are my future.

 

I want someone to see me

and say

I will love you

forever.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Just somthing that came to mind sorry if it isnt really a poem or very good for that matter but I hope you enjoy reading it anyway :) 

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My Darkness

My darkness is consuming

It eats away at my core,

My heart, my head, my body, my thoughts,

Are consumed by the internal depths of a dim and rusted light.

 

Past, present and future clouded in the gloom of a mad scientist.

The pains of being an originalist,

The sorrows of being an exceptionalist.

 

My darkness is consuming,

It devours my past into pointlessness,

It demonizes my present into bleakness,

It develops my future into illness

 

Although my darkness guides my light,

My light can shine brighter than before when the curtains hadn’t closed.

I'm assured everything will be alright,

That I will indeed see a brighter light than before.

 

But while my darkness consumes me,

I see only the dark me.

I see the darkness of my reflection that taunts all of my thoughts, feelings and behaviors.

 

For right now, I am not me,

But a moment of myself,

That will inform the moments ahead on how precious things could be.

 

My darkness is my best friend,

Whom I would gladly murder,

But perhaps in another life,

Since my darkness is me and

He must heed to me eventually.