personal

A Hole: Pain Through The Brain

Folder: 
Poetry

I woke up,

In the mirror I had my closeup.

There was a hole in my throat,

Fastly I slipped into my coat.

 

I went to the hospital,

I was worried I recall.

I gave the fault to Abra,

Who was able to the macabre.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

A dream I had.

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My battle

I fight a battle everyday
From morning to night 
Awake or asleep

What is my battle?
My battle is...

Not to pick up that razor blade 
To not picking up a belt
Or some rope
To avoid high places 

I've been fighting for a very long time
Many times the fight was almost lost 
But I'm still here
Still fighting.

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A Letter to My Guardian Angel

Growing up I was a sickly child.

Quiet and shy.

Cold and hard-hearted.

No friends and loner.

 

Despite of all my inferiorities.

There’s one person that gives me unconditional love.

Who never gets tired and see the beauty in me.

My first teacher and savior.

 

Scared of being a disappointment and burden.

I always strive harder and wanting your approval.

Because of who I am and the path I chose.

I just ended up hurting and making you cry.

 

Being reserved and distant.

It wasn’t easy for me to express my feelings.

There’s a lot of words that I want to say.

But I don’t know how and when to start.

 

I am sorry for having a child like me.

Who only cause you pain and broken promises.

I am lucky to be your child.

And I am proud that you’re my mother.

 

A thousand times in my head.

Thank you and I love you Mama.

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tags:

Passionate Play

Folder: 
DaddyO's BDSM

by DaddyO


I am passionate and my passion is generally too intense for most. Many feel that time spent with me is more easily dispensed in small doses. Others enjoy my company, quick wit and charm exciting.

 

I am a recovering extrovert and Provocateur who feeds off the energy of others to recharge and feel alive. If I am not engaged in this sort of relationship (or series of interactions), I am prone to being alone with my thoughts. So it can be overwhelming and takes a little work unless we are enjoying ourselves together.

 

How is this fun accomplished?

 

"I take wallflowers and turn them into centerpieces."

 

I do not crave the spotlight, because in the ideal situation I am the spotlight and shine on those I care about and play with!

 

"I am the 'attention pimp' to her "attention whore.'"

 

So if you're a social introvert, we'd only be a match if you're introversion is able to easily adapt to the spotlight in play situations.

 

I'm very experienced in sensation play, canes, paddles, scene negotiation, vaginal fisting, finger bang that almost always creates a squirting orgasm, rough sex, humiliation, objectification and degradation play, crafting a creative scene, OTK spankings, sexual age play, Wartenberg pinwheel, leading gang bangs, buggy whips, crops and other impact play techniques and can hold my own with a flogger.

 

But Daddy/babygirl is where I shine. I am a natural "Daddy" type so there's no need to try to coax it out of me like there is with other Doms.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

2014, 2016 

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My Dislikes

by Jeph Johnson

 

I would not call them hard limits but a shitload of stuff seemingly everyone else is really into I do not seem to find interest in:

 

  • I do not like most fantasy, action, anime, horror, superhero, war and sci-fi movies, and I have been punished for this by having an uncanny knack for having catastrophic computer and logistical problems with tech items.
  •  
  • I don't care for British humor like Monty Python, or British sci-fi like Dr. Who.
  •  
  • I despise Christianity. Hell, I despise religion!
  •  
  • I don't like the two party political system. My brand of political theory combines the social personal liberty of Libertarianism and the communal safety net of Socialism. Let people do what they want, except make more money than they could ever need! And, yes, I would indeed be a good person to decide how much everyone needs! Think Green Party (without the slut shaming) or Bernie Sanders' brand of Democratic Socialism.
  •  
  • Expensive name brands actually inspire me to look elsewhere.
  •  
  • Radiohead I just don't get. Thank goodness I get other sorts of head.
  •  
  • I am not fond of travelling. I have a lot of anxiety and am uncomfortable in environments I am unfamiliar with.
  •  
  • I don't enjoy or get the fascination of most video games. This is likely because they generally follow in the footsteps of the genres of movies I don't like. Now Madden was fun, but too time consuming. If video games patterned my tastes in movies (comedy, romance, documentaries, porn or quirky indies) I might be more inclined to participate.
  •  
  • I love music, but seldom find a rap song or opera I like. I especially hate gospel choirs and R&B derived from that style (think Aretha Franklin). I do not think this is due to my dislike of Christianity, for I was not fond of this genre when I was a Christian.
  •  
  • It isn't that I dislike books (unless it is a reference book), but find movies, documentaries and seminars are much easier for me to digest.
  •  
  • I like sports, but NASCAR bores me and it is tough for me to get enthused with hockey, lacrosse or soccer.
  •  
  • Bondage does not interest me insomuch as it just seems to be a delay or interruption from much more exciting kinky exploits. I also don't have the patience for it.
  •  
  • It's not that I dislike kids and pets, I just love the freedom to do stuff way more (and I'm allergic to cats)!
  •  
  • I don't get the obsession audiophiles have with vinyl. It has a "warmer" sound? Ok. It also has clicks and pops and is hard to store and ship. Gimme compact discs and MP3s over vinyl!
  •  
  • In addition to disliking name brands, I also have a diversion to impractical car fashion accessories. Give me instead a practical working vehicle!
  •  
  • Smoking cigarettes.
  •  
  • Drinking, drugs and getting "shitfaced".
Author's Notes/Comments: 

circa 2013 

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My Spirituality in Relation to My D/s Relationship

Folder: 
DaddyO's BDSM

by DaddyO


I was a late bloomer not only to this kinky life, but to sex itself, as I toiled in the confines of organized religion for 10 years of my early adult life. Some may spot the resentment and therefore must deal with my displeasure and agnostic skepticism of Christianity and other "spiritual" and "woo-woo" things both eastern and western.


I am an atheist hedonist, so when ancient deities, rituals other people have proclaimed as "the only way" and faith-based "morals" culled from religious texts begin to interfere with our relationship, it becomes more than problematic.

 

I derive great pleasure in pleasure, and for some, a relationship with what they feel is a "higher power" may accomplish that. It doesn't for me. For me, the D/s relationship and the high of sensual and sexual communion is the higher power and what should be given the devotion.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

2012, 2017 

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Mixed Emotions

Before the day i leave this earth,

I need some moments with my closest friends

Heaven can't revoke me if my homies get me voted in

I know this life's a race

and I refuse to let my opponents win

I just jumped the guns

pressure in my mind got me prone to sin

I'm not gon quit again,

I'm planning for a brighter day

I know my turns coming soon,

I'm just waiting for the right-of-way

Tryna find a way up out my mind, so I write away

I'd wipe the strays, straight from the board, if I could ride the wave

I'll light a J, find solace in these substances

Seeing how my soul is, I should focus on it's sustenance,

Cause I done seen some suffering

Strugglin when my head's gone

Living off my bucket list,

I put that on my headstone, My legs aren't too long

but death still aint gon catch me no time soon

There's Risky Business to be a Legend

this is no Tom Cruise, Just give a listen, a couple seconds,

you will know my truth,

This what's happens when you introduce a nigga like me to the bowtie blues

The devils clocking hours and he's working on commission

So I cannot be at fault if I succumb to my conditions

Stress deterring my decisions,

further deferring my position

So if god don't think I'm worth it,

print these words on my petition

Opposition cannot shake me,

they could never make me break or fold

I am the dopest chosen one,

see, I had dank up in my baby clothes,

Life is like a movie and they gave me such a crazy role

Though my actions may be bold, Happiness is the daily goal,

I'm all out for positive energy to represent me

That's why I work my ass off towards what I'm destined to be

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I wrote this while I was in a really bad place, it helped me overcome a lot.

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tags:

Remember

I'll never forget 
I remember when 
Forever meant eternity not;
Until you found a better me. 
I'll never forget 
I remember when 
You said you love 
Me for Me 
Not for who I was 
or 
For who i will become 
I'll never forget 
I remember when
We talked everyday 
About everything
About Nothing 
I'll never forget 
I remember when 
Phone calls where hours long 
not seconds fast and done 
I'll never forget 
I remember when 
I Love You 
Was said 'cause you 
meant it 
Not 'cause you though
you had to say it back
I'll never forget 
I remember 
All the lies 
I'll never ever forget

Abra The Bully

Folder: 
Poetry

Abra suddenly appeared;

He knocked on my door.

But I was startled,

So I slammed the door.

 

Later I went into the hallway,

And there he called me bitch.

I thought he would beat me up,

But he turned his back and walked away.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Some event in my life.

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