past

Lost Tear

Folder: 
Sad Love Poems

your the tear that came from this eye // but you began to drip down & slowly died // you used to be my everything but now i see everything // the truths // the lies // the who's // the whys // girl i loved it when you was shy // but now it feels like you on that sifi // everyday u began to transform // clouds that began to add up to a storm // i remembered when you used to be my prime // now it feels like you're worthless then a dime // & i aint sorry to say cuz it was only a matter of time // before i grew up & learned from the pain // it help me evolve into something that i cant explain // but its for the better cuz it turned out to be something good // yea i understand you used my heart like if it was firewood // but i rose from the ashes // yea you aint think i could // & now that im ten times the person that i was // u wanna come back like what // nah pause // yea i kno i used to make that wish that would stay printed in these viens // & hoped that someday you'll feel the same so maybe i shouldnt complain // but that was in the past where now i only see bloodstains // im on my new high // & like the past im done // no more making wishes on airplanes.

.

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Emil Ann Lynn

There's a body, sitting, decomposed, above the stirring dirt
in the Emil Ann Lynn cemetary where the stones sit forgotten.
Once a vessel made for pretty; made for men - their fevered gripping,
which took the form of harsher breaths and quicker, darting, jarring thrusts;
the body lay at peace in stillness; its face a battered, anguished fold
of all that once stood form to follow, attracting us like moths to bulb.
Near to there sits a man in booth, his shovel spade all sharp and set;
but his ear takes rest upon the knob and he'll not be warded by the smell,
nor the sight nor sound of flesh and meat as it peels and patters down
on cobblestones and drying leaves: a feast for warms and morbid throngs
who burrowed in the dusted warmth, scavenging for life like thieves.
The shape she made so proudly shown now blobbing to amorphous piles
that settle 'til the wind may swell and swirl them into morbid funnels.
The storm clouds passing through the grounds all fattened with their oldest thunder
will pour upon her fleeting shape and rend its remnants all askew,
but life as drawn from graying skies, washing her towards the curb -
where gutters there may drink her in and join her with the flows of waste.
As lightning strikes the booth alight, the man may fumble over turns
and switches made of plastic caster, tossing glance to the thickened night.
The granite carving epitaphs and recent-weeded mourning hedgerows
will force him to recite his duty and lay his grip upon his handle.
Despite the harshness of the rain, the humid blanket on the graves,
he'll drag his spade, his feet and thoughts along the winding pathway forth.
The cake of mud upon his boots, a whistle song upon his lips,
he'll dig a plot for a body that has broken down and carried on.

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Shots of Quick

Hello climes of Sarasota,
your sun has beckoned unto me.
Stuck among the scraping skies,
these monitors keep flickering.
It's been twelve hours, maybe more,
since I'd rested head upon the table.
My friend with cleavage berated me
towards an end. Of course I'm able
to comprehend her words and course
of action through she'd escalate.
Despite all that it's hard to tell
how much of this I hesitate
to really, truly, fully know;
to take on in to my digestion.
I question what may be demand,
and what of it is pure suggestion.
I hate these throes of miser's woe;
these shackles of the past in tow
that keep me drunk on gravity -
pressues of the live let be.
And yet my thrashing is impotent -
while shedding weight may bring me joy,
the problems solved have nothing gathered
to draw the man out from the boy.
I'll cling to me, my cat, my home
and borrow change from friend and neighbor
to sling a touch of green and garden,
and liquid nitro to which I cater
to blind myself to all my failings,
my many, sorted, sordid brunts;
eventually I'll have exhausted
all my needs, and all my wants.

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The Former in White

A friend had said that your name had changed,
but aloft as I am, I was sure I had dreamed.
But now that I've seen your face all alight,
I see that you still look so beautiful in white.
And it takes me back to such bygone days:
my lungs had been cleaner and my hands did not shake.
I had promised to cherish and you were at stake,
but I failed to deliver and I've paid for mistakes.
It's been such a time since we had spoken or seen,
but maybe it's better to leave still waters serene.
My presence is accounted by prints in the dirt,
but I'll keep to my quiet and this primitive hurt.
I'd reach out to say that I hope for your best,
but you're keeping me at the arm's length behest.
And it's my understanding that he's better than me,
just like the others have tended to be;
but I'm growing a skin made of stone and acceptance
of drugs and the falter that preludes a dependence.
And maybe with this, I'll stand to the matter,
like the crowning of pots all destined to shatter.
Or maybe with this, I'll learn not to blather
at the prospect of hurting over subjects so tattered -
eventually coming to realize the fault
in stalling my progress for a girl from the vault.
Maybe with this, I'll be happy for you,
if I wasn't already from mourning 'til new.
All I might need is a few given ages
to accept that your name has been erased from these pages.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Congratulations, Emily.

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A Passing Love

Folder: 
2001

Some loves are meant to last forever

While others only a short while

I search long and hard stopping never

Going across so many a mile

 

The love I seek so eagerly so

Is one ever so true to the heart

The one you can never tell no

You knew it was true from the start

 

I have found this love I truly desired

Love at first sight they all say

He was the one I have admired

Everything seemingly went my way

 

Was this love only meant to shortly last

For now pain grows over the love

Me away he always does cast

This always dents our once strong love

 

Fading away I feel it all go

Everything he says always hurts

I know the love is still there yet so low

I feel it in the shadows where it lurks

 

What shall I do where shall I turn

Will our flame rise once more

Or shall I have broken promises sworn

A love like this only comes from lore

 

It is long over I can feel it

Our love has passed us both by

Apart I fear we must split

Not daring to ever ask why

 

~Chrystal

Written on

April 7, 2001 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Another one about Shawn.

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tags:

Retrospect.

Folder: 
Poems

Looking back through the years
I see smiles and tears.
Those lost and those found.
Everything like a circle seems to come around
Round and Round we go,
Where life stops only the fates know.
Slow Motion; Fast Forward; Repeat
I can't look back with any regret
For these are the days I shall never forget.  

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Ripple Effect

Folder: 
Poems

I march forth into life itself
I walk to the line to cross myself
I leave all behind
To conquer emptiness of lost time
All these years you look back to see what could be
Some would give anything to rearrange
But to alter one thing I would change
All that is me.
The things that you regret
Make you who you are, so don't fret.
For one simple thing of past changed even a little hair,
Life could be much worse for wear.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Sometimes I think of the past and things I could have done better, but I neglect to think of things that could have been much worse.

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Dream

Folder: 
Volume One

 
 
 

~~)(~~

Dream”

 

 

You still enter my dreams at night

with just enough light,

I can see your face

in all it's amazing grace

I was wrong in the past

I should have known it wouldn't last

I never wanted anything this bad

I never wanted anything this much

to look into your eye's and feel your touch

remembering those words escaping your lips

words worth meaning, words worth giving

and a life worth living. The mistakes I've made

and the path it's laid

I'm still dreaming of your kiss

and within this dream, you are bliss

when I awake, I remember its not real

made another mistake, that time won't heal

I'm bound to this, and all that I feel

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

(Updated; From Psycho- Confessions)

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Memories

Folder: 
Volume One


 

 

 

~~)(~~

Memories”

 

You left with one goodbye

eye's full of tears about to cry

Lets hold on give it one last try

'the sky seems so high'

but at least were on the ground

No matter how hard I fought

No matter how hard I sought

the words I tried to say, were the words I thought

I would listen, Just to hear you speak

I would look, Just to see you care

but its all over now, just a memory

In my battered head of confusion

I once thought it was my mission

to make you happy, in the darkness, in the night

the smallest light, gives me sight

nothing seems to last

cause everything is in the past

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

(Updated; From Psycho- Confessions)

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