The Pain


"The Pain"     6 - 10 - 01

Pain inside

won't subside

Heart dying

can't stop crying

Soul heavy

unable to steady

Love waning

life draining

Light dissipating

tired of waiting

Depression growing

I am knowing

Not long to go

can't leave this horror show

Forced to watch

unable to botch

this horrid creation

infesting my salvation

Will is low

nowhere to go

cornered and scared

naked and bared

I retreat into the shadows

silence is my cloak

it's end unkown....

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My life is like a puzzle

one of towering pieces of wood

just like that game 'Jenga"

each piece represents

a small piece of me

with the removal of the piece

I become more fragile

which one will be next

the first to be removed

a piece next to my heart

representing my newphews

and how sick they are

that shook me hard

but I have faith

born of strong stock

they will fight and overcome

then the trip from hell

that was a piece more

part of my legs

that made me walk alittle funny

removal of a part near my stomach

that denotes the surgery of my uncle

once again faith that he recover nicely

struggels inside my family

those pieces cover several parts of me

as the game played out

over the last 30 days

my foundation got rockier

deep inside the rumblings

of an earthquake waiting

tapping me on the shoulder

telling me to get ready

the last piece was about to be removed

and it finally happened

my tower finally collapsed

a small piece of wood

my soul and source of strength was taken

I can no longer look forward

to the day that my 'Chance Man'

will come to live with his mommy again

I have faith that I will find an answer

but for now watch where you step

you never know when a game of jenga

will leave one of the little pieces of wood

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Do You Know?

Do you know how it feels to be alone?

To be the only one who knows

The chaos and pain inside?

To be the only frown

In a sea of smiles?

Do you know how much it hurts?

When you don’t seem to notice

Or seem to care?

When you laugh

For something that hurts me

Do you know how much it means?

When you do notice

And seem to care?

When you cry with me

When you see I’m hurt?

Do you know how it is?

When you look at someone

And remember someone else?

When you forget how to smile

For the pain is too great?

Do you know when you love?

When your heart cries for them

But you can’t seem to do anything right?

When you want to heal them

But only hurt instead?

Do you know the feeling

Of longing to forget

But still wanting to remember?

Of not regretting the past

But what it did to the future?

Do you ever want to erase what you did

To not cause the hurt

But still learn the lesson?

I do now

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Death of a Poet

I tendered my emotions

to settle a debt long

left unpaid

only to be met by the

solid wall that is

your heart.

And I had the

audacity to be

blind-sided by the pain

or feel the sting

of rain on my

face burning

away the hopes

of any other love,

all other heartaches.

Yes tendered those emotions,

rendered those illusions

yesterday's sorrows

and tomorrow's fears.

Still, my heart is thawing

by the light

of a new day,

a new ray of hope

I caress and nurture.


I wait for that day to arrive.

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Hidden Heart

Been so lonely so long

and fate has been cruel.

Love faded away like mist

on a sunny day.

A heart that is still and like stone

A mind that is restless and alone

Golden silence when I should speak

Madness in my soul making me weak

Happiness a dream once imagined

Happiness will never happen

A longing which has ten times wrought

pain and loneliness which was never sought

A wanderer wanders, through day and night

looking for a dream that would make sense

A love hidden & buried deep within.

The heart lies trance-like and dormant in the dark,

dark as times past and present,

blind, isolated, and imprisoned, deep, deep, deep,

within many layers of feelings and confusions, numb

from life and no solutions, no time, no peace of mind

been lonely so long.



Author's Notes/Comments: 

I wrote the poem about loneliness, about unsure
futures, and sadness of life.
I wrote it late last night

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A Play Toward

One player toward...


One player forlorn...


One player toward.....toward an audience that plays its own.


"To those who wander in the night

And oft beguile those fiendish sprite

Take heed to foolish, wandering knaves

Of the mind do wont they stay.

I've oft observed from time to time

That men do carelessly stroke the chime

Of the gates that hold all glory above.

Do they ever find their love?

I'd invite thee to stay awhile

And see if you'd beguile

The one on whose eyne you look to most

If ere you saw thee rather cry than boast.

For surely it is plain to see

That love doth injure thee.

I'll ask out myself once again,

Do you see what kills me my friend?"

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Edited 01-27-01

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Thoughts of a Kid

He looked at the laser

Lingering on a thought,

Though this cuts the material

Might it also cut my finger.

For if it did would it hurt?

Horribly or just somewhat?

He was thinking of ending

Evermore his life for sure.

Shopping for an easy way

Where he would not feel a thing>

Terrible that at his young age

Awful thoughts occupy his mind.

May his life get much better

Before we have to help him to

The awaiting ambulance in the parking lot.

Loud siren sounding the emergency

Effects of a mispent youths life

Lasted only a few years.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

this was written after watching a guy that i work with....

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