Does she love me


Does she love me?

I am not sure.

She calls me sweety,

And says it so pure.

But how do i know it is truly?

I know i love her,

That is always for sure.

But when iam around her,

I am just a distant friend and unsure.

Not a daughter, not even a sister.

But a mree friend, to aid the allure.

What should i do?

is this feeling absurd?

Is it something that will pass for sure?

Or do I need to be heard?

Please tell me,

For I am so very confused.

I need my sanity,

I cannot be refused.

For in reality,

We should be fused.

Maybe it is not she,

Who does not love,

Maybe it is me,

Who needs to rise above.

My past is so cloudy,

That I know not what is real.

What is reality, and what is fantasy?

I'm not even sure i can truly feel,

Or even imagine what feeling truly is.

I want the true me, to be completely real.

But how can I be a wiz,

At something i know not the deal?

Why can I not know?

What can I truly feel?

Why does it not show?

Maybe one day I'll learn to be real.

Maybe, or maybe no,

I'll let the real me show.

And then she'll love me.

All of me, not just parts.

Just for being the real me,

And loving it with all my heart.

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My heart is like a puzzle

at one time it was whole

but then someone came along

and cut it all appart

somewhere down the line

another picked up all the pieces

and put them all together again

so many have come and gone,

taken appart, and put back together

that i am like an old puzzle

some pieces are torn and broken,

and others are just missing altogether

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The pain...

           The lies...

The tears...

            My eyes...

The years...

            I've tried...

The days...

           The nights...

I've cried...

             In vain...

My thoughts...

              They haunt...

My brain...

           They taunt...

Am I...


Or am...

        I just...

What's left...

              To blame?

Love lost...

            Love died...

My cries...

           Now rain...

Pouring - want somebody adore me, I'm sore, and come hold me -

will somebody just control me, and love me - I'm shivering, come hug me - I'm cold, my mind telling me I'm so...



"Just use...

strength that you don't have to lose these delusions, fueled by this misery" - I'm goin make it where you people wished you never heard of me -


        Bald up...

In corners...

             My room...

The more memories, mysteries, misery I -



Me - you...

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Like so many points in my
short, yet profound life, this poem was written from the inspiration of change. I like this poem simply because it puts my emotions in a nutshell.
"I'm a collage. Physically and mentally."

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Morbid Thoughts


Sorrow hidden deep in my soul

poverty of love I seem to know

escape my heart looks for


an open window, an open door

sadness has become so common

I have made it a friend

In this hall of misery there

seems to be no end

tears crawl slowly down

the side of my face

I only want a small place

in your life

to end my grief

to end my stife

Why did you go leaving this

empty space between my arms?

Leaving my soul open for

endless harm

Could a cupid of the highest

rank replace what we had?

Or were we just a gap in time?

Come and gone like a fad

the need for you in my life

show's itself through my

torment and my pain

What must I do to get you

back in my life again?

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written a long time ago!

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In the deepest deep I feel

A lower deep still threatens.

Myself, I am hell

The more I dream,

the less I can believe

And this long run is misleading,

Are we not all dead?

Happiness is the shadow of things past

And earth, with her million voices

Asks us now

Who then is free?

Every bird loves to hear himself sing

But 'The lilies that fester,

smell far worse than weeds'.*

And when all the world dissolves

And there is nothing more to take

What becomes of us then?

My friend,

I will be long gone

And as the ashes return to earth

I pray

That I never again

Pass along this way.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

* Not sure where this comes from...I read it once and it's stayed with me since...I guess it's how I would describe myself.

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Uneasy Conversation


We really need to sit and have a long talk about what you’re doing to me. You got me thinking that I’m wrong for wanting things that I want for me. I love you with all my heart and you are my everything. I never imagined that trying to be here for you would diminish me. And I’m trying to be strong because I know thing’s in your life just aren’t going right. And because they aren’t, maybe you can’t see that you’re neglecting me. But am I wrong for wanting to know where your commitment is to me. Open roads forever winding and destinations are unknown and it seems like I’m traveling alone. Everything isn’t picture perfect for this perfectionist and I need assistance too. And I’m alone on my journey because I’m trying to walk with you. And I do what I do trying to make me over for you. But I’m standing alone in all that I do; I’m losing myself trying to support you. Wanting more from you, but accepting less because I know you’re going through. Tearing myself up inside because of things you don’t do. And over and over again, now, I’m wondering why I love you. So am I selfish for wanting you to make some sacrifices too. I put aside everything I ever expected from you so you can get to know you. I can only hold on to all of things you used to do. So are you hearing me, because when you spoke I listened to you? And even if you can’t make one adjustment to appease me, speak up and just tell the truth. Lord knows I’m tired of fighting me and I’m ready to self-destruct from this misery. Did you hear anything I said; I’m waiting for you to answer me.  

Robyn V. Evans

© 2002

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Those Times


"Those Times..."   10 - 27 - 02

there are times

i wish so hard

to have you here

inside my arms

to say to you

what i never could

to hold you tight

like i never would

to dwell on regret

curse all the pain

damn the hope

and whatever remains

just once more

to see your eyes

pierce my soul

my clever guise

to shed hidden love

uncover the truths

to let them pour

and bathe you

flood your heart

overwhelming emotions

washing over you

like all the oceans

only that to compare

for what i felt

but never bared

i so hate myself...

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A Friend

I just can't get over how I once felt,

About the one girl who liked me for just myself.

Never complained about what I did or how,

Always complemented me on my ways and my style.

But I just don't understand why I couldn't take her in.

She was a pretty little lady, but all I wanted was a friend.

But she never turned her back and she never walked away.

I could see it in her eyes, hopeing I'd choose her one day.

But as time went on I finally set my sights right,

But as I looked in her eyes, I saw she'd given up the fight.

Her heart had wore down at trying to reel me in.

She was there to give her love, all I wanted was a friend.

And no matter how I tried, she couldn't feel that way any more.

And I still hear the words she spoke as I walked out the door.

She said I wanted you bad and it hurt when you said no.

I started to feel her pain and thought it's best that I go.

I knew she had spoke the truth, and it was killing me within.

I was a handsom little fella, now all she wanted was a friend.

L Phillips

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I'm sure a lot of people can relate to this true story. It's a high school ordeal that I think happens to some one, somewhere everyday.

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I feel like i'm losing

calling out

of the very same name

with this fuck up

of following suit

tired, so weary

in a way I don't want

letting me regret

by my side

following me

it's always there

I can't help it

a part of myself

I feel like i'm losing.

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