ocean

Remember To Just Forget About It

There's Only So Many Days We Can Live
And So Many Days To Forget What Made Us Hurt
But We're Stuck At Where Were At
I Just Wanna Lay Back
Break Down Crying In Tears
Because I Don't Want To Go Back

 

As We Think Back Into The
All I Remember Is The Hurt
Because I've Forgotten The Lessons
I Don't Remember The Happy Moments
I Don't Think There Were Any Signifigant Moments
But I Don't Know If I Can Move On

 

Yea I Don't Try To Remember
But It Keeps Bouncing Back And Forth
I Tried To Erase It
And I Smashed The Delete Button
But It Keeps Refreshing In And Out

 

Nobody Tries To Be Perfect
But I'm Trying To Break Away From My Mind
Things That Are Clogged In My Mind
I Just Want To Float Away
Into A Far Away Place

 

Sometimes I Just Want To Fly Away
Sit Close At The Ocean's Bay
Lay In The Soft Bright Sand
And Feel The Warmth Of The Sun
And Forget About Everything I Just Said

Bleeding Scars Of Crying Guilt

Ever Feel Like You're The Bad One?
The One Who Caused Trouble
Have You Ever Felt Like You Were The One To Blame?
The One Who Caused Your Own Pain
There Was No One Else Who Could Have Done It

 

You Are The One Who Causes Your Own Pain
You Are The One Who Caused Your Own Suffering
But Who Could Have Helped You
Through This Struggling Phase Of Life
You Were All Alone
There Was No One Else In Sight
How Could You Have Known How To Prevent It

 

Nobody Told You How To Live Your Life
But Nobody Told You What You Were Doing Wrong
All You Knew Was The Faults You've Done
The Hurt And The Blame You Caused On Yourself
What Could You Have Done
What In The World Could You Have Done

 

I Can Only Ask For Forgiveness
I'm Sorry For The Wrongs I've Done
These Hands That Cause Trouble
Causing Mischief And Crimes
What Can I Do To Loosen This Guilt

 

I Can't Seem To Shake Off This Binding
All I Can Do Is Cry For All The Shame I've Done
I Know I Don't Deserve This Much Mercy
I Really Don't Deserve Friends
Because I'm Not Always There For Them
I Don't Feel I Deserve These Talents
Because Since I'm Not Using Them
I Feel Like They're Going To Waste

 

Why Am I Still Alive I Don't Know Why
I Really Should Not Be Here
I Do Not Give Any Benefit To Anyone
I Don't Even Work Right Now
I Can't Even Help Myself
Why Do I Still Receive Such Blessings
I Do Not Feel Important
I Do Not Feel I Am Needed Here

 

Have I Done Something Wrong
Will I Be Told What I Could Do Better
I Don't Know What I'm Thinking
I'm Crying My Eyes Out Right Now
I Can't Seem To Feel Better

 

I Don't Have A Shoulder To Lean On
I Feel So Lonely In This World
I Reach My Hand To You
But I Don't See You
I Place My Hand Over My Chest
But I Don't Feel Your Presence Over Me
Should I Really Fall In Life
Can I Make It Through This Time
I'm No Better Than Dirt

 

I Know I Am Loved
And I Continue To Tell Myself That
But I Feel Like My Bones Ache Too Hard
I'm Surely To Fall This Time
Surely To Fall Down This Time
Am I Really Worth That Much...

Untying Knots

There's Something About
When You're In Love With Someone
You Enjoy Being With Them
Being In Their Presence
And You Love Them To Heart

 

Although Sometimes That Feeling
When You're With Them
May Drag You Down
Perhaps Their Dream Is Something Big
And When You're With Them
Maybe It Won't Happen

 

For The Though Of You Being In The Way
Of Having Them Making Their Dream Come True
Saddens Your Heart And Body
Your Mind Turns Sluggish And Slow
Because You Know You're Just Dragging Them Down

 

Whats Best Is That You Shouldn't Be With Them
But Sometimes Breaking Up Isn't The Easiest
Perhaps It Wasn't Meant To Be
Although You Think It Wasn't Meant To End Like That
So You Begin To Doubt Yourself And Wonder Otherwise

 

Your Eyes Being To Wane In Strength
You Want To Be With Them
And They Want To Be With You
But Something Doesn't Feel Right

 

Because You Know
That Something Needs To Break Away
Close Paths And Stray Different Places
Because When Ties Knot Roads.
One Or The Other May Not Move Forward
And It Just Creates A Road Block

 

So With Hearts Hurt
And Bodies Tired
The Knot That Was Created
Needs To Be Loosened Up
So That You May Move Forward In Life

Precious Child

Little Things In My Mind
I Thought I Wasn't Cared For
When I Wrote Down The Wrong Answer
I Scramble To Erase My Problems
But All I See Is Black Smears
Of What I Attempted To Trim Out In My Life

 

When I Fell Down, Nobody Saw Me
When My Knees Grew Weak
I Fell Down Again Due To Anguishing Pain
Suffering Pain Deluged My Mind Into Depression
And When I Thought My Entire Life Went Unnoticed
You Reached Your Hand Down Into My Life

 

When I Slept In Sadness And Sorrow
Your Arms Were There To Shelter Me
When My Closed My Eyes I Couldn't Stop The Tears
Eyes Closed Could Not Stop The Pouring Rain
This Endless Misery Pouring Down Hardship

 

Your Touched My Head Gently
My Eyes Opened To Astonishment
But The Tears Kept Flooding Out
You Used Your Fingers To Wipe Away My Tears
Silently I Lay In In Your Powerful Presence
Your Hand Strokes My Hair Softly
With Eyes Closing Back
The Leftover Tears Drained
And My Eyes Were Clean

 

Laying In Your Presence
My Heart Was At Peace
When I Reached For Your Hand
You Hand Had Disappeared
I Turned To Look Where You Had Went
For Moment I Was Confused And Scared

 

But When I Placed My Hand Near My Chest
You Were Right There With Me
No Longer Did I Need To See You Here With Me
Rather I Felt Your Presence Already Dwelling With Me
In Thankfulness I Continue To Surrender My Life To You

 

Jesus Christ To Have A Relationship With You
Is The Only Relationship I Could Ask For
But To Have Relationship With Companions
Wasn't Always Easy To Manage
But I Can Do Everything

Through Christ Who Gives Me Strength

The river

am I nothing but broken bones? is this beating heart nothing but a burden to myself & everyone I meet..?
as I walk through this valley alone..

the shadows become something i've well known.
your eyes, they magnetize.. the fear in my soul is screaming out "lies!"
where should I try to hide..?

the clouds hang above, as the river i'm crossing over continues to flow..
if I were to fall, would anyone ever know? slipping away from it all, even myself..
glancing at these hands, I wonder what would be different if I was somebody else..

 

this forest goes farther than the birds & the trees..
this grass grows taller than below our knees..
my fate is an open wound.. bleeding.. bruised.. cut & used..
where am I going..? what am I to do..?
too many questions within me.. are we all our own worst enemy..?
on the top of this hill, the sunrise & fall reminds me of Gods undying love..
every memory that follows behind is purpose-less..
how could you think you know me better than I know myself?
every word you spew is worthless..

 

dreams are like looking through stained glass..

all different shapes, colors, hues..
why would you want to watch them shatter.. how could it not matter!?
one thing to remember.. don't give your love away, for the sake of saving someone else...

 

path after path, turn upon turn.. we struggle, maybe learn..
I stare into space & wait.. for something, i'll never know exactly what...
ashes have become of these fantasies..
careful not to let the blood of the past stain what is of my today..
dancing around the casualties.. murder my misery.

 

shed a tear for everything that used to be & let it all blow far over me.
if only we could all perfectly mend these wounds..
fragilties of life, scars of death..
the last time you close your eyes... that very last breath..

 

black night sky with stars so electric..
fragrant & soothing, my boat keeps moving..
row, row, drift away..
feet in the dirt but i'm being pulled astray..
the current so strong & winds full force.
the ocean is taking it's course..

 

beneath the misty swamp, stirs disarray..
where Satan's children go to play..
one by one, two by two.. sinking to the bottom.
he's a theif, can't you tell..?
reeking of that evil smell..
naive indeed as you let him feed..
you act as if life has turned you to this bad seed..
fool, you did it to yourself...
why blame someone else?

 

& finally I jump in the river to drown..
reaching out for my savior, not because i'm in danger..
I need to be taken from this earth.. I smile because i'm hurt...
when my feet hit the river floor, i'll close my eyes, & open the doors..
a light shone through, my hope for God was true...
I embrace... soon free... this body was never me.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

7.26-7.27- 2013.

Beautiful Cuddle

Beautiful Cuddle

A Hug Is So Soft
Its Better Than A Drug
Its Calm And Affectionate
There Are Not Negative Effects

 

It Also Shows You Care About Them
That You Really Love Them
Oh I Just Want To Be Next To You
To Snuggle With You Like a Pillow

 

He Really Cares About You
It Makes You Feel Safe In His Arms
The Physical Intimacy Within
Stroking Your Beautiful Hair
Mmm Your Smile Is So Cute
But When You Blush You're So Adorable
You're Prettier Even Without Make Up
There's No Need To Cover Up Anything
Oh How Great The Love Is
It's Crystal Clear That You Can Be Yourself

 

Someone Whos There For You
Someone Who Doesnt Just Say Words
Because He Loves You
He Really Cares About You
I Wouldn't Want To Be With Anyone Else
You Are All That I Need

Normally I Would Forget That

What Can I Say When I First Saw You
What Could I Do When I Broke My First Try
Do You Ever Think
What I Thought I Knew
Would I Actually Get
What I Didn't Want
Because A Hearts Breaks Fast
Way Faster Than A Rain Drop

 

I Know The Things I Saw
Isn't The Way I Made To Image It
But Its Just Too Much
Just Too Much
I Never Thought Telling You Would Break It
I Miss The Way We Talked
Maybe I Shouldn't Have Told You
I Should've Held It In
Because It Wasn't Meant To Be

 

There's Only So Many Words
I Can Say To Pass The Time
I'm Running Out Of Things To Do
To Get You Off My Mind
I Feel Like I'm Aware
But I'm Actually Blind
I'm Careless And Forgetful

 

I Know There's Nothing Broken
But I Feel Like I've Lost Something
There's None Like No Other
Because Feelings Just Deceive You
I Know I'm Not Meant To Do So
Not Suppose To Pray Based On My Feelings
But Just Give Me A Moment
Because I Don't Know What I Should Do

 

But It My Brain Marks All The Things I Do
I Can't Waste Time Trying To Forget The Past
Because Its Way Back In History
I'm Just Trying To Image What God Wants Me To Be

 

Though I Feel Like I'm Being Pecked Off
Pinched Needle Pokes
Something I Can't Seem To Get Off My Back
But Even If I Knew How To
I Just Wish I Didn't Always Feel This Alone
I Just Want To Be With You Holy Spirit
Please Accompany Me In My Every Day Living Breath
So I Don't Need A Reason For The Things That I Do

 

I Haven't Given Up I Just Feel Tired
This Faith Is Becoming So Weary
I Don't Want To Become Someone I'm Not
Somebody That Doesn't Care About People
Someone Who's Selfish About Themselves
I Just Want To Be Somebody For Someone

Shining So Bright

Folder: 
People

If I Could See
All The Defects In Me
I'm Sure I Wouldn't Like It
But If I Saw The Imperfection In You
I'd Still Love You Anyways

 

If You Say You're Perfect
I Wouldn't Believe You
In Fact I'd Say You're Lying
But I'd Love You Anyways
I Know Better Than To Love The Things That You're Not
But To Love You For The Things You Are

 

Because When You Shine
You Shine The Brightest
Even If You Feel Like Dull Jewel
And You Feel Like You're Worth Nothing But A Dull Gem
You're A Sparkling Diamond To Me
Cause You're Shining More Than Ever!

 

You Glow Like Radiant Sparkle In The Dark
Oh Even If I Were Blind
My Eyes Would Open Wider Than Loves Arms
If You Could See The Gap In Between
I'd Know It Would Definitely Be Yours And No One Else's

 

The More I Spend Time With You
The More I Fall In Love With You
If I Told You My True Feelings
Maybe You'd Fall In Love Me
But I Know Better Then To Let My Heart Spill Out
If Fate Let By God Made This On Purpose
Then I Wouldn't Want To Spoil And Rush It

 

Because Love Isn't Meant To Be Rushed
Because It's Meant To Be Cherish
It's Meant To Enjoy Every Moment
The Ups And Downs In Each Relationship
The Fights In Couples May Break Them
But Fighting To Stay Connected Together
Is What Makes Them Stronger Together

 

If Lead Me To The Stars
I Would Find You At The End
At The End Of My Rainbow
Only You Would Shine So Bright
Would It Lead Me To Your Beautiful Love

Right Here Beside You

Folder: 
People

If I Could Be Anywhere
I Wouldn't Need To Choose
Cause I'd Want To Be With You
Right Here Beside You

 

Because I Love You More
Than The Number Of Places
I Could Choose From
Love You More Than The Number Of
'I Love You' Phrases In An Entire Life Time

 

I Don't Want To Be Anywhere Else
Other Than Here With You
Because We Could Be Having Fun At The Beach
We Might Be Chilling At The Arcade
Playing Along The River Stream
Biking Around In The Park

 

But I Choose To Just Chill And Cuddle Beside You
Where Ever You Are I'll Be By You
Right Beside You So Close Our Cheeks Brush Against
I See Your Face Blush Like a Bright Tomato
I Smile Back At Your Adorable Cuteness
Because I Choose To Be With You
There's No Where Else I'd Choose

 

We Could Be At Home Listening
To Smooth Cool Jazz
Peaceful Melodic Orchestra
Listening To The Radio
What Ever It May Be
Sitting Outside Watching The Clouds Pass By
May It Be The Night Time
Star Gaze Upon The Beautiful Night

 

It May Be A Beautiful Night
But There's Nothing More Beautiful Than You
Sitting By Your Love Partner
Oh How Your Heart Beat Pumps Faster
Or Pumps Way So On How Close You Are

 

May The Closeness Be So Comfortable
That You Don't Even Want Sex
Because Of The Corruption Of This World

Divorce And Broken Relationships One After Another
And Oh How The Disease Spreads Like a Plague

 

But To Be Snuggling Right By Your Lover
To Feel Close To Each Other All The Time
Oh How Lovely Our Skins Brush Up

 

Kissing You Oh So Gently
Not Too Soft Or Not Too Fast
But To See You Blush Like The Color Scarlet Red
To Run My Fingers Through Your Hair
Oh How Pretty But So Adorable At The Sight Of You

 

Gently On The Lip That Happiness Of Tears Flow Out
To Feel The Pulsing Heartbeat Pound Faster
It's Such A Pleasant Moment To Feel
To Be Here With You
Snuggling Close Beside You