ocean

Intangible Gift Of Acceptance And Love

Folder: 
People

I Know How You Feel
I Know That Kind Of Pain
The One You Feel
This Ain't No Mystery
There May Be No Healing
It's Not That Easy

 

But I'll Be Here For You
Cause I Know They've Hurt You
But I'm Here Waiting For You
Just Come Here With Wide Open Arms
And I'll Heal Your Heart

 

Many Tears You've Cried
Sorrow Spread All Over The Ocean
But If That Sadness Stretched Over A Horizon
I'd Clear It With The Wideness Of My Love
The Unconditional Unlimited Love
Assured And Complete Safeness Forever

 

There's No Strings Attatched
No Danger To The Vunerable
Cause I'll Be Your Shield
The Security In Your Heart
If You Feel The Pain
Then Let Me Heal Your Heart
With A Lovable Soft Hug

 

Something That May Be Low Of Value
But That Underestimated Value
Of Giving A Definate Intagible Unconditional Present
The Wholeness To Give Ones Body
And Hold It Against One Another
To Feel The Warmth And Care

 

To Feel The Pain And Sorrow
If You Could Feel The Emotions Of Others
Would It Feel Rough
Could You Feel The Agony
The Aches That Injuries Their Mind
The Throbbing Torturous Conscience

 

You Wonder If Theres Anyone In The World
If Someone, Just Somebody At All
That Would Definately Care For You
You Just Gotta Know That I'm Praying For You

 

Cause I Know The Words They Throw Will Hurt You
Words From Bullies, Enemies And Traitors
They Throw And Yell In Your Face
And All You Feel The Pain Thrown At You
Wondering What Can You Do To Escape It All

 

I Know It Ain't Easy But Its Worth It
You May Feel Worthless But You're So Important To Me
I Know Theres a Reason For You Living This Way
But Don't Give Up On Me Just Yet
CauseI'll Take You As You Are

 

I Don't Care How Broken You Are
Or What Has Happened In Your Past
Cause In A Way Everyones Broken
And Messed Up Somewhere In Their Life
Whatever The Weakness You Have
I Don't Need To Know

 

But For Sure I Love You From My Heart
Telling You Words May Mean Nothing
But From The Purity Of My Soul
I Couldn't Give Anything Else
Then This Conditional Love I Was Given
This Love Christ Has Given Me
Where In The World Could I Possibly Obtain
The Only Thing I'd Ever Want In Return
Is You To Accept The Love I Give
No Need To Worry At All
Cause I've Loved You Since The Beginning To Forever

The Love That Hurts And Heals Us

Folder: 
Miracles

I Know You Said Love Was Fragile
It Was Created To Give And Take
Sometimes Hard To Receive
But It Hurts When Our Hearts Are Rejected
The Pain The Is Strained By Tenseness

 

Lord You Say They're Someone For Us
But I Don't Have Anything Good At All
When I Feel I Was Worthless
I Was Valued As Nothing As Important
But You Loved Me Like No Other

 

I Know Dreams Are Perceived  To Reach
But On The Way Towards Our Dreams
Sometimes We Find Better Ones Anyway
And When We Find Someone In Our Life
Dreams May Disperse Into Many Directions

 

When The Love We See In Someone
Causes Our Hearts Beat So Rapid
Could It Possibly Be Destiny
That The Lord Made This Person For Us

 

That Even Through Experiences We've Faced
Cause Us To Falter And Stumble To The Ground
Knowing The Mistakes We've Made
The Wrongs And Troubles Cause Us To Worry

 

Knowing Love Is So Fragile
But With The Lord On Our Side
Anything Is Possible Through Christ
Was I Trying To Find Happiness
Possibly In Someone Other Than Christ
Or Was I Trying To Fill It Common Issues

 

When We Face Rejection
Is Our Hearts Broken To Bits
Scarred By The Broken Pieces
The Pain Causes Us So Much To Forget

 

Cause Even If We Attempt To Fix It Up
Do We Pick It All Up By Ourselves
Torturing Our Hearts To Misery
That The Glass Cuts Our Skin Wide Open
It Hurts Like A Bleeding River

 

But If Love Is So Strong And Powerful
Why Does It Also Cause The Effect Of Pain
To Think It Was To Give And Take
Maybe The Friends We Made Through Childhood
Was Not Enough Affection To Our Hearts Attain

Love Was Made For You

Folder: 
People

Love Was Made For Free
Made Free To All
To Share And Give
To Take Or Receive
To Offer And Send

 

I Was Made To Love You
I Was Made To Give Freely
I Was Made To Share Generously

 

What Ever Happened To Hearts So Wide
To Hug Like No Love Could Ever Do
Setting You Free Everlasting Joy

 

To Be Shining So Bright
Flashy So Much Light
You Can't Even See Love
But There's No Need To See
You Feel It So Much
It's Everywhere
Here And There
It's All The Time

 

Love Was Made Here To Stay
Here For You Share With All
No Need To Hold Back
Nothing Held Against Anyone

 

Never To Late To Say No To Love Again
So Get Up Get Up It's Free From Me
You Can Steal My Heart
If You Hurt And You Can't Feel Love
Let Me Pray For You And Hug You
All I Want For You Is To Feel Loved
Cared For And Cherished Deeply

 

So Why Not Give Love A Try
If You're The First
Then It's Not My Last
It'll Spread Over The World
By The Clouds In The Sky
The Rhythm Of The Snow
The Softness Of The Dripping Rain
If It Hurts You So Much
Then Let Love Set You Free

Metallic love

I can't focus... it's getting to me, more each day.. 

my thoughts stretch like clay, & unfortunately mold me, here & there.. 

I wish so much for you to of been able to stay.

was it really mean't to be this way..?

cause I surely feel unsatisfied.. 

comfort is something we all crave.. 

but you were like security to me, & I watched it all get ripped away..

what a waste of a night.. what a realization, I couldn't fight..

 

I miss you more then the depths of the ocean go deep..

some nights like this.. I have trouble trying to sleep.. 

we yearn, we learn.. forever burn...

tables turn..

I want to take back so much i've said..

because they were useless particles floating around in my head..

6 months pass.. everything falls to ash but the memories.. 

 

fuck me for letting other opinions get in the way of my true heart..

fuck them for denying love.. as if they really knew.

sorry I can seem like a rainbow of emotions.. or a bleak cloudy day.. 

but I can promise much sunshine after being drenched in such heavy rain.. 

 

will another 6 months make a difference..?

or would it just be a whole year spent needing you..

it's not like I can't live... or breathe without you..

but it's to the point I really just don't want to... 

sorry about getting "distracted".. 

I don't excpect you to still feel like you need me,

want, love or care about me.. 

though I feel all the same & even more.

 

this incense continues to coil... & I could watch it for hours.

as i'm thinking.. when I die.. would this all of passed right before my eyes?

I want to know that instead of sitting here, waiting..

hoping, wondering.. not knowing.. 

instead, I'll get to see you smile again..

that for me, would never ever be a waste of time.

at least i'd know that's what I did with my last bit of life.

 

I don't know if I have the power anymore to get you to laugh without trying..

or the privilege of being on your mind... 

when I take my last breath, please tear this heart out of my chest..

put it in a jar.. keep it preserved.

if you go first.. i'll remember your wish, if it's still what you'd want.

i'll hold onto yours too.. even though it's no longer beating..

always I will love you.. through my hands this blood is seeping..

like treasure... from the chest.

metallic love..  

Author's Notes/Comments: 

3.12.13..

Throw It All Out For You

Folder: 
Miracles

Why Are You Asking What I Came Here
Hope Just Broke Right Through The Door
Come On And Turn Out The Flame
I'm Not Just Some Person
Who's Just Here For Fame And Games
But The Glory Of The God

 

You Step In Play It For Fun And Games
You Make It Feel Likes Its Real For Right Now
But You're Just Here For The Misery
To Give The Hurt And Wounded
Lots Of Pain And Crying Sorrow

 

Because Words Are Weapon And A Disease
Throwing Pain Like Its Bullets Of Rain
I Know You Think Its Funny
Cause Of The Tears That Are Shed
But That's What You Want
You Don't Feel It At All
I Don't Know What You're Aiming For
But I Know You're Going To Throw It All Out

 

I Can't Back Down And Just Give Up
I All I Know Is I Can't Turn Back
Cause I Gotta Leave It In The Past
The Road I've Only Ever Known
Bring It Out And I'll Start Again
Drop Out With The Fears
And Start Breaking It Out With Tears

 

I Gotta Turn In My Sins
Cause I Know I'm Not Perfect
Christ Died In The Cross
For The Sake Of My Soul
To Cleanse The Impurity In Me

 

If I Ever Get Scared I'll Pray For It
If I Ever Get Worried
I Give All Of My Worries The Lord
Please Get Me Out Of The Mess
I Can't Do This On My Own Lord
You're The Only One I Could Ever Count On
Nor Any Friend Nor Family Or Any Human
Could I Possibly Count My Soul On

Resisted Afflicting Bitterness

Folder: 
Miracles

Will I Be Covered Up By The Remains
Being Thrown And Shattered All Around
You Left Me Here Like Pieces Broken Grass
Whats Left Behind Is A Hurting Wounds

 

You Took Me On A Ride
Just To Make The Pain Less Hurtful
I Can't Always See What You Mean
The Actions Of Underrated Meaning
I Should've Known Better
But If It Hurt You Far More Than Me
Who Would've Known Any More Than This

 

You Were Suppose To Be Coming Back To Me
Rinsing The Wounds And Erasing The Rain
Curing Far Better Than Any Measly Medication
Bleeding It Out You Couldn't Return The Favor

 

Can You Show Me The Path
Changed Me To Believe
Trying To Feel A Little Higher
Raged Fighting Looked Wiser
Crossing Hot As Fiery Incensed

 

You Keep Saying You'll Be Back
But Whats Here Is Increasing Pain
Increasing Pain Sweeping Away My Happiness
Standing Here All Alone
You Feel So Far Away
Is It Really That Meaningless
I Used To Feel You In The Air
But I Don't Know Anymore
You Used To See Me All The Time

 

I Lost Everything I Don't Have Anything
I'm Still Holding On
That's Why I Still Pray
You Say You Feel My Pain
But I'm Feeling Too Empty
I'm Losing So Much Of My Mind
All I Got Is The Faith Left In My Hands

 

I Was Told For Christ To Rule
All Of My Heart, Mind, Body, And Soul
Cause All I Got Is The Faith You've Given
There Was Isn't Much I Could Do
But I Can't See Outside Of This Fog
Through The Muddy Eyes I've Go

 

I Told Myself I Would've Give Up
But I Know I Really Can't Trust Myself
I Know I'm Not Fooling Anyone
Cause I Know My Pride Will Crush Myself
Christ Come Save Me Of All I've Done
I Don't Remember A Dime Before I Met You
Since I Was A Mess Before You
Thank The Lord God
Christ My Healing Savior

   

Insecure Heart Collides With Weary Faith

Folder: 
Miracles

Oh God I Haven't Felt You In Forever
I Know I'm Hurting So Much
I'm Caught In My Own Sorrow
I'm Sorry If I'm Not Strong Enough
Forgive Me Of My Bashfulness

 

I Wouldn't Trade A Moment With You
But I've Been Praying Like Crazy
Breathing Is So Exhausting
I'm Trying To Cry Out The Pain
But This Bitter Sorrow Is Causing My Skin Cold

 

You Just Gotta Know I'm Struggling
Jesus If It Weren't For You
Where Would I Be
I Was Lost In A Storm
Depression Was Cutting Into My Soul

 

I Can't Even Find The Words To Say
My Arms Are Tired As Broken Hearts
Wondering If You Hear My Words
Do You Feel My Heart
Even I Can't Feel You
I Just Can't Give Up

 

You Died For Me
There Aint Nothing To Compare With Pain
To This Amazing Grace You've Given Me
And You Waited For My Existence
I Know When I Woke Up Light
It Was Because Of You Christ

 

I'm Not Perfect
But Sometimes I Feel Worthless
Just Trying To Cover Up These Wounds
But There Must Be A Reason
Why I May Be Living This Way

 

Why Does It Feel So Hard
Sometimes I Just Want Collapse
And Fall Into Your Arms Jesus
This Exhausting Body Cries For You
These Tears Weep To Feel You

 

Sometimes I Complain
I'm Sorry I'm Not Patient Enough
I'm Tired And Weary Of Feeling Alone
I Know I'm Not Alone
But These Demons Keep Reminding Me

 

I Don't Know Which Way To Go
Why Do I Worry So Much
How Will I Be Able To Serve Others
When I Can Barely Take Care Of Myself
Jesus I Long To Be In Your Arms
I Wish For The Affection That I Lack
To Be Able To Spread The Love You Give
I Can't Compare This Comfort
The Safety You Provide For Me

 

I Feel So Invisible At Times
But I Know You're Here With Me
When I Can't Feel You're Here
I'm Desperate And Tempted To Give Up
Though My Insecurities May Control Me
The Salvation And Redemption You Gave To Me
I Can Never Forget The Feeling When You Saved Me

Failure in a glass

sad but true, shame on you... all has come unglued..

i'm swimming through this ocean, tide pulling me over & under, just to try & make it back, without blunder..

I'd rather dig a thousand pins into my skin, or burn a billion holes onto my back, then hurt you unintentionally..

can't you see, I'd much rather strike myself...

I don't want anyone to be an object of my pain..

so please refrain from stepping any further.. 

you don't know what goes on in my brain...

these chemicals are mine to control.

so stand back while I get a-hold..

 

ashes to ashes... everything collapses.. piece by piece, coming apart.

nothing ever felt right, from the very fucking start..

sometimes I cannot convey the thoughts in which my mind is stirring up,

or the feelings that cause my heart to silently bleed..

if only I had those wings, I would of flown away long ago..

& saved you from the inevitable hurt..

 

not being here.

sometimes I wonder if that's the only real dream in which i've truly conceived through out this life time..

nothing special, but it sure seems realistic..

she screamed at me, "it's all just a fantasy!" .. inside I went ballistic..

twisting & turning, face to the floor, squirming..

staring down at the shriveled remains of sanity... 

 

your eyes expell such melancholy.. do you see the same in me..?

am I just a tree for you to chop down..?

to carve your name in..?

to climb..? to rest up against..?

no longer will I walk along such a thin frail line..

no longer will I stand out of the shadows to be seen...

for these shadows are all that will vaguely cover me..

offering faint protection.. 

 

sometimes you can't avoid the rejections, the experiences, or the lessons..

when you drink that water, check the bottom to make sure it's clean..

though it may appear transparent & clear..

you could end up swallowing a ton of nails...

choking on how much you've failed..

shame on me, too.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

3.2.13

-sigh-

Letting Love Into Your Heart

Folder: 
People

They May Break Your Heart
You May Feel So Insecure
Afraid And So Upset Inside
But Don't Worry Cause I'm Here For You
If You Move Just a Little Bit Closer
You Could Put Your Head On My Shoulder

 

Waking Up In The Dark Night
If You Gotta Cry Out Lout
Just Weep It Out And I'll Hold You
If You're Hurting So Much Inside
Let Me Come Inside And Heal You

 

They May Shut You Out
But I'll Bring You In
If They Push You Down
Let Me Lift You Up

 

Step Into My Mind
And Let Love Into Your Life
The Clouds Spread So Wide
The Sky Is Clear As The Night
The Stars Shine Bright As Ever

 

I See Your Heart Hurting Outside
But Let Me Fix That For You
Let Me Show You A World
A World Where Love Never Ends
Places Where You've Never Been

 

Happiness Spreading Abundantly
I Know Exactly What You Mean
You Feel So Alone
You Thought Nobody
In The World Would Care

 

Nobody Would Come And Accompany You
To Come And Enjoy Your Company
With No Doubt May I Ease Your Pain
Set Those Eyes Of Sorrow
Into Eyes Full Of Joyfulness

 

But Let Me Change Your Mind
I Was Made To Love You
Just Made For You
To Give Love And Receive
It Was Made To Give Out
To Be Able To Share
And Spread To The World