New Beginnings

Becoming

Becoming

By Jfarrell

 

What the hell am I becoming?

And will I be good or bad?

Full of love or full of hate?

Will I make things better or burn it all down?

I guess

We’ll have to wait and see.

 

I was a lot of things;

A drunk,

A chronic depressive,

A coward

An insignificant failure.

 

But,

I am changing

Becoming

Something

Else

Something

Different.

 

Let’s hope it’s something good

Healing the world

Giving love and hope in abundance.

I hope

I am becoming WORTHY;

Worthy of the love of my heart’s desire,

Worthy to take my place amongst my fellow humans

Worthy of my love

Yes,

I hope I am

Becoming WORTHY.

 

 

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

i hope

View suicideslug's Full Portfolio

new life

 17 May 2017

 

 

New Life

By JFarrell

 

 

Day 10, Year 0

And I am still sober;

Started a new job this morning,

My first job since March 2000.

My college asked me, “How do you feel about doing higher level work,

You’re obviously more than capable.”

And I am hopelessly in love;

Not bad for a waste of space drunk.

 

My body aches all over,

I feel like I got flu,

I’m not sleeping well,

When I do sleep, I wake to find my bed soaked with sweat,

I’m eating poorly,

Quick snack when I remember I’m hungry,

And one out every three snacks stays down;

Like I said, waste of space drunk.

 

And I have never felt so alive,

So capable,

So powerful;

Jim,

Welcome to your new life,

And, the 21st Century.

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

still sober

Hands

Hands

By JFarrell

 

Look at your hands,

No, not glance and glance away

Look! Really look!

They just look like hands, right,

Anyone’s hands.

Look again.

 

You know who’s hands looked

Just like yours do?

Albert Einstein; Joe DiMaggio,

Marie Curie, Nina Simone

Neil Armstrong, Muhammed Ali

Rosie Parks, Jada Pinkett

 

Look at your hands

What might they do

If you really tried

Save lives, change the world?

Your hands hold so much power

So much potential

Go and see

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

look at your hands

View suicideslug's Full Portfolio

I hope I’ve the strength

I hope I’ve the strength

By JFarrell

 

 

I hope I’ve the strength

To continue.

To persevere,

To make 6 days sober 60 days sober

To make this try out for a job, a real job

To really change

 

I hope I’ve the strength

To keep courage,

To keep hope

If, when, I fall

To rise again and continue

Not lose heart

Not to lose faith

 

I hope I’ve the strength

For my journey

And it’s deadline

I’ve never had a dream before

I have one now

And I hope I’ve the strength

To achieve it.

 

 

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

dream

decay

Decay

By JFarrell

 

As I sleep

My skin dies and is renewed

I don’t know the full working of my body

But I suppose other things

Also decay and are renewed

My teeth definitely

Decay

And this is just me

My body

My existence

 

All around me, around us

Decay

is there to be seen

To be noted

To be cried over

And it is necessary

 

Leaves, vegetation

Decay

to feed the newborn growth

Of new trees, new flowers

We decay,

constantly,

To feed the cell replication factory

Within us.

 

Decay

Is seen as so sad, so negative

But it is necessary

For new life to spring anew

 

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

decay can be beautiful

silver linings

silver linings
by jfarrell

 

been awake since 3
bad dreams
no sleep for me
but what a beautiful sunrise

 

caught in a shower
soaked through to the skin
new hairdo ruined
but what a beautiful rainbow

 

it still hurts
after all these years
like a cancer it eats at me
but I still live (and, perhaps, am stronger for it)

 

bad things will always happen
that is life, sadly,
but every cloud does have a silver lining
and it is these that give life it's worth

Author's Notes/Comments: 

every silver lining is a blessing to be treasured

stop the flow

Stop the Flow

By JFarrell

 

I opened the vessel

And so much came out

I was overwhelmed and swept away

Giddy, dizzy

Dropped on the floor

Panting, gasping for breath

I had no idea

So much was there

 

And I didn’t imagine it could hurt anyone

I didn’t stop to think

How others might feel

And I am sorry for that.

 

I  don’t want to slop the flow

But, maybe, I can shape it into something nicer

More pleasant to experience

With no chance of anyone getting hurt

Magicians and butterflies

Clouds and stars

Brighter futures

 

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

i didn't know i could write until i tried

View suicideslug's Full Portfolio

take my hand

Take my Hand

By JFarrell

 

Take my hand,

And I’ll help you as far as I can;

I can’t carry you,

But, maybe,

If you walk in my footprints,

It will ease your journey.

 

Yes,

It does look like a long journey,

But you are not alone;

Here,

Take my arm,

Take the support you need.

 

I know,

You look around

And see no-one.

I know,

You feel so alone.

But I am here

Here to help you.

 

Take my hand,

I will catch you if you fall;

I will right you if you stumble;

I will be beside you, always;

So,

Take my hand.

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

alone is a lonely place

my dragon

My Dragon

By jfarrell

 

I’m gonna make a dragon;

I wanna write a book, maybe

(not sure I can do that)

But, I gonna make a dragon.

 

And my dragon stinks!!!!

The day after a fire,

Still damp,

That musky, burnt everything smell.

But,

It’s a comforting smell,

And,

If you just breathe in, deep,

And reach into that smell.

 

It feels like a tree in the very early morning,

Damp, slimey, veiny…

And it moves,

Ever so slightly.

There, again…

 

Listen.

Press against the solid and listen.

Ba-doom. Ba-doom. Badoom.. badoom…

It’s like a heartbeat.

It is a heartbeat.

 

 

My dragon will be made of words,

And, here, it was born, it is born.

Close your eyes and take a deep breath….

What does your dragon look like?

 

I bet it’s beautiful :)

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

i'd love to write a fantasy book :) honest

View suicideslug's Full Portfolio