memory

Red Clouds Of Dust

Folder: 
Poetry

The red clouds of dust gather
the dead of earth rise
angels fall from the sky
like bitter tears that fall from our eyes

The suffering of death is long
the agony of life brief
we walk this dry earth
our souls infested with grief

The legacy has been snuffed out
the memory in decay
our last existing breath
like sand has been washed away.

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Need

Folder: 
2012

Need

I need you
I want you
To be near
To never let go
To never walk away

I can’t remember what
It was like before I met you
Nor do I really want to
And that is one thing
That I’m thankful for

I know that I had boyfriends
Before the accident
But none of that matters
Not any more, not to me
Because you are mine

Just as I am yours
That is why I need you
That is why I want you
Because you are everything
That I’ve ever needed

~Chrystal
Written on
February 29, 2012

Author's Notes/Comments: 

This was a poem I just wrote to/about my boyfriend, Tom Neville. its now been 6 months and we are both as happy (insert favorite metaphor here). Of course, we still have slight issues but at least they aren't major ones, like most couples get by the second month.

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Integration

Open wide to let the world flow in,

while embracing love,

feeling creation. Allow the creative, and

just this once,

forget memory to receive now.

Observe a sunset
and be a part of it.
Feel an integration with everything around you,

for it is you.

Reality is your existence, but what you perceive
is a mere projection.

Your mind projects
with a cluttered vision of ‘know’ledge.

You know not.

It’s opinions, judgments, justifications, speculations, and masturbations.
Forget what you ‘know’ and cast out memory—

significance equal to reveries,

but taken as seriously as reality.

Reality to all
is unknown and immeasurable.

So instead we thrive

in the known and miserable.

-Ryan K. Fuller

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Now is everything

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Shouldn't Have

Folder: 
2010-2012 Poems

I shouldn’t have clicked that stupid link.
Now my thoughts start to sink,
Back from where we began
Until the day I painfully asked you-
To forget me and ‘be gone’.

Your one mistake, I cannot forego.
You cannot undo, even if you wanted so.
Sacrifice our hearts for doing the right thing.
She was there, she was weak-
You shouldn't have given in.

You knew you could have been the one.
You were my best friend, my worst lover.
I was your queen, your heroine
And I always know, in your eyes I’ll still be-
If it’s not a sin.

On the other hand, I’m happy to see you happy.
Finally embrace the life, the ‘consequence’ as it should be.
But still I know those eyes, that Mark Ruffalo smile.
Who many times told me-
‘I’d be waiting for you at the end of the aisle’.

You shouldn't have promised.
I don't regret that I believed.
Life goes on, love survives.
We had the time of our lives.
But still--I shouldn’t have clicked that stupid link.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

-(c)jerlin-16Jan12

Digs

It was early evening, just as dark won over
and forced the tapered daylight to sink down to the south.
We laid beneath the comforter and kept each other warm,
giggling at nonsense exchanged by means of code.
Back then it was natural to act like silly brats,
lost amongst the promises we'd told to one-another.
The lights we dimmed and music played as we wasted time,
all relaxed and napping off our lust as if it wine.
The sheets would ruffle into waves with every mild turn
as passing cars would light the room and show me her again.

We laid with noses touching and she chose to ask me if
I still thought her beautiful after we had changed.
It seemed absurd to wonder it, but I still had to admit
that she could and always will ignite a flame in me.
And she grinned and stared into my fair and honest gaze,
and told me that she'd loved me so and so much more and ever.
The truth was told and I maintain, the more that she would worry,
the more the curve for me to grasp and navigate by sail.
The more there was to wrap around and sink into and feel,
all the good and for the best for he, like me, who digs it.

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Elf

Each part of me in emblazoned with your emblem
that states me yours and yours alone.
I fantasize about our time in which the curving lips are shared,
but 'til it comes I am content to simply mend your stables.

So soon you'd come to face me, sans bonnet or a frill,
and for the first I saw you clear and you were no one dear.
Then I ran and sought and sorted, losing tracks of time and days,
all whilst you're content to brittle down to dirt.

I never gave a thought to life had I'd soon returned;
I simply stood and followed through and made ways of others, elsewhere.
Nightly then she'd cross my mind and I'd search myself for bits
of flesh and jaw and lobe-less ears and depths in big, brown eyes.

Absence was the only thing that reinforced and wove
a sense of blighted unity that drove us all from home.
We sought another, and in that sought our woes,
leaving us with one-another, too busy with our own enclosures.

And by the time I capture vision of her as I'd known,
I'll be old enough to have forgotten all that had gone wrong.
Bygone times with lapse in mind and memories that fail;
they'll leave me frail and atrophied, but thrilled with the result.

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O'er Countess Graves

Folder: 
Viet Nam Pieces

O'er countless graves Love's teardrops flow
to earth to nourish mem'ries that grow.
Cherished the place, beloved each face,
each sparce, narrow garden is a holy place;
those whose Love turned Grief now know.

Strong word is "Love", despite Death's throe.
'Tis sunrise there, still night here below.
Peaceful Love with Stately Grief God doth replace,
o'er countless graves.

"Take up our dream!", they tell us, "GO !
Liberty's strong thread, run it! So
lives, hopes, dreams, fires-of-Soul may pace
yet coming runners in Life's race,
and ALL win !" 'Though Death counts countless tears
. . . . . o'er countless graves.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

The young generation who fought the latest war knows the futility of war better than anyone else knows it. They stand at their fellow warriors' graves and remember why they died. They alone can tell future populations of that futility, but will that population listen? Will they learn?

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I Can't Remember

Fading into a
Haze, that rises
All around,
My vision is clouded,
And I
Can't
Remember.

In the distance
I can sense the presence,
Of a long forgotten memory.
Desperately, I try to find my way out
Of the haze,
But I
Can't
Remember.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

All the important memories are the ones that tend to slip away.

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Something Like A Memory

Folder: 
2006

It was a dream, I think

The first time I felt this

Coursing through my veins

 

It touched me so tender and mild

Then slapped my face

I felt the stinging pains

 

I loved the feeling, this feeling

Love so deep and pure

Racing heart, blurring my brain

 

I remember watching and feeling

With just one touch so gentle

All of my evils where slain

 

I never really knew the dream man

Who had done all of this

I just know how it does feel

 

Then you touched me, only you

And something like a memory

It suddenly became so real

 

Do dreams really come true

Is what you’ve always wanted

As close as a tear

 

I still don’t know, will I ever

But here you stand before me

And I have not a fear

 

~Chrystal

Written on

September 28, 2006

Author's Notes/Comments: 

This one was to Paul.

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