joy

no regrets

 

............




who cares if there 

are flowers on my corpse 

if I'm dead?


if love is your intent

then bring me

some good memories

and things you learned 

to make your life easier

and more worth living.


wrap it up in a rusted coffee can

from some dark alley where babies lie in dumpsters

and place it somewhere all can see and be comforted

that someone thought about them, and cared

about why their lives ended, and tried to understand

not to punish, but to prevent it.

 

give me life in my death,

and not sorrow for

what you forgot to do

or not do, to prevent 

yourself from being hurt

on the day I leave here.


funerals are for the ones who are left here,

because the only thing I intend 

to leave you after material possessions

are divied out,

is the same thing since the day 

I first looked in your eyes,


the gratitude for having shared moments together.


we have all been dying since the day we were born,

and if we arrive at our final resting place in peace,

and not at the hands of violence,

then we have been granted more than enough

to say we have been blessed.

I spend my days now thinking what a beautiful soul you are.






 

5:35 PM 8/4/2013 ©


inspired by http://www.postpoems.org/authors/huliganfish/poem/964713

..............


...........

Long Distance Relationship.

Mysterious-
As you thinly spread magenta 
polish on your bright-
pink finger nails.
Deep blood that penetrates 
the surface.
Your keratin-
dusted ad speckled with burgundy-
DNA.

Certificates of excellence-
scattered on your pale
amethyst walls.
Your dwellings-
mirror yourself-
in ways no one else can notice.
Lilies and quotes-
painted-
surround you.
Bible verses hoover over your head.

Subjected.
Known-
Loved-
admired by many.
Who are you?
A shadow of dozens of golden stars?
A characterization of the millions 
of characters you've read about?
A description of influential 
words that roll off your pen?
An imitation-
of the paint strokes you create?

I yearn- to learn your ways.
Your movements-
I desire to delve-
Connect the sparks in your mind.
Bathe in your psyche.
Loathe your troubles-
Grow from your challenges-
Comprehend the misunderstood

What brings joy to your eyes?
Pleasure?
As the sun rises-
as the rain platters on-
the window.
Autumn breezes-
Wind teases-
shuffling of sienna brown-
burnt orange and crimson leaves.
The smell of antique-
age stained novel pages.
Crisp.
Lulling sounds of music-
as lyrics twist and turn
through your ear drum.
Peace.

What time do you rise?
the times you fall-
What intimidates?
Empowers?
My love.
Distant-
yet-
extremely close.
Bold-
and open.

Affection drips-
as you brush your hair.
Platinum.
Radiant-
Enamel;
Glistening in the-
Eye numbing rays of the sun.
You've learned to love-
Gratitude to your mother.
Giving you grace-
instructing you well.
Gentle-
Delicate.

Your attention is wanted.
Needed.
However-
Your time is taken.
Woven strands-
Cradling.
More becomes less-
As you try to do your best-
Control.

I'll remain.
In the distance.
Waiting.
Debating-
Patiently-
for your attention.
Admiration-
Adoration;
As I continue-
the long distance relationship-
with my love.
Me. 

Perfect Sense

I think hate comes from ignorance,
They say ignorance is bliss,
But I think ignorance comes from a lack of joy,
And anger turned inwards onto the self.
Joy comes from connection to the Divine spark
In all living things, so it would make perfect
Sense that there is so much depression,
Anger and ignorance in the world,
Because it is clear we have somehow
Lost respect for all living things as a species.

Sorrow can come from a lot of different
Conscious and subconscious places, I think,
But if we are neglecting our source of joy,
Then it would make perfect sense that
We would feel a deep sorrow as we watch
The world as it falls apart, and know,
Deep within us, why it is happening,
Even if we wear a mask to hide it.
When i say 'joy' I do not mean simply
A smile or a fleeting thrill from a gift given,
When I say 'joy' I mean a lasting flame of inner peace
And contentment that carries us past any
And all upsets and conflicts we run into.

I do not know of any children who are taught
These things. Are they important to anyone anymore
In our busy lives where there is so much
That is more important than ridding the earth of hate?
I am only one person, but I just do not agree that
Ignorance is bliss. Years ago I may have said yes,
Because years ago I did not know what bliss was,
But now being familiar with bliss, having experienced
Deep depression, having learned the ways I have fallen
Into ignorance and anger turned outward ,
I am more sure than ever about these things
As far as myself goes, anyway.

Saying 'ignorance is bliss' may just be someone's way
Of saying 'I'm too depressed and angry to care',

And, 'I don't want to admit it because it's just easier

To be in denial about the whole big mess'.

Sound right to you?

 

Have a great day.

 

8:41 AM 5/10/2013

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Life

Life

 

Life, what are you?

Why are we here with you?

You are a gift we are given.

You are a curse into the heart of our being.

 

Pain, why do you give us this pain?

Why the pain into the center of our soul?

The life we have is full of this pain.

Why do we have to live this life with this pain?

 

Joy, why do you only give us so little of this joy?

Why is the joy so short, but so sweet?

How to we balance the joy to the pain?

Why does the joy fade so quickly?

 

Balance, the thing we seek most of all.

Why is it so hard to balance the pain to the joy?

Is it because the joy is so much greater, and we feel its loss so much more?

Is it because we can not know the joy without the pain?

 

Death, the end of it all?

There are times when it seems that Death is the only way to end the pain?

Alas if we take Death, then we also have no more joy in this life.

Yet with Death there is no more pain.

Death, I know you, and I hate you and I love you.

 

I am but a lost soul.

I came into this world, this life with nothing.

I will leave the world, this life with nothing.

Is that why this life is a balance between Pain, Joy, Life, and Death?

 

Is there a purpose to all of this?

Why are we here?

Why is there life?

Why is there Death?

Why is there Joy?

Why is there Pain?

 

These are the questions of this life.

We do not get the answers within it.

We live this life to try to find these answers.

Maybe when we find them, is when we are done?

I am not ready to be done.

Are you ready to know?

Are you ready to be done?

 

B. Thompson

May 2013

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I have been lost for awhile.  My family lost someone today.  I am doing well with it, but I needed to share.

 

I am an EMT and a firefighter.  I have spent my whole adult life trying to help others.  To stop pain and Death and to save life and joy.

 

I have been there for too many deaths.  I have seen too much pain.  It is a burden on my soul and a weight on my heart.

 

I try to sink the pain deep inside of me, but it has power and time and can find a crack to come out again and again.

 

I do not know how to stop it from pushing out from the inside. Maybe if I push it to the outside it will have more trouble coming back in.

 

Maybe

 

-bt

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Excavation

Earth, sky, universe, why?
God, spirit, under lies.

 

Words cried out in such defense,
Like theives, replace our innocence.

 

Ocean, mountains, beautiful tree,
Why is it there's no harmony?

 

Wars, symbols, meanings astray,
I wish all except unity would just go away.

 

Learn to find the silent inner space,
And experience what you have been calling 'grace'.

 

6:07 PM 5/1/2013

Author's Notes/Comments: 

the silent world within.

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Missing Passenger

Vows taken on a crisp Saturday afternoon in September,
You wore a velveteen black suit, and me and my cream colored lace,
We swirled through the park like doves in flight,
Everything was oh...so right!

 

That first year, you held me in the rocking chair your mother gave us,
No arms had ever given me such peace and comfort,
Your gentle kisses to my neck and ears,
Three long blissful and beautiful years before our first born.

 

Then the security of all we could have asked for,
The nights of laughter and after dinner rides to the custard stand,
You in your jovial disposition and me with my coy school-like charm,
And then home, to snuggle together on the couch.

 

The tenth year was busier after our daughter was born,
I could not have chosen a better father for our children,
But the rocking chair needed some repair,
I missed our snuggles we used to share in the days of old.

 

You always made a point of reminding me about how you loved those days,
I'd kid you about your extra pounds ruining the dowels under the seat,
But in our own way, the memory savored, lasted into our 25th anniversary,
Still, every few months I would beg you to fix it.

 

Now that the children are grown and come to visit,
I sometimes tell them how you used to hold me in that rocker,
They smile with the same tenderness back at me,
And I see your twenty year old charm in their eyes again.

 

One day, a few months after the funeral,
I took a seat alone in the chair when I came home,
Rickety now, the wood is dried and brittle,
I hardly can imagine those days were real.

 

The days are getting longer, it seems, and many times I wonder
Where you are, maybe sitting on a crescent moon, gazing at the stars,
I have gained so many beautiful memories from the life we shared,
And I still wish you'd fix this rocking chair.

 

 

 

10:19 PM 4/28/2013 ©

Author's Notes/Comments: 

About solid marriages.

 

I have to be more careful copying and pasting...at first I only got half of the poem!

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HOME AWAY FROM HOME

 
Blood they say is thicker than water
Anytime I'm home with my mother
brothers and sisters
I feel like being with them forever
Their presence radiates joy and laughter
But this bond is more than that of blood
It's of blood binded with faith
Now I have to leave, it is a must
Though my body somehow resist
I feel no remorse leaving this apartment
I have a mission to fulfil, In sha Allah I will

There is another bond drawing me
of lovely brothers and sisters in faith
That makes me feel comfort
Even though I'm far away from home
They are all my family; they loves me
I'm glad I've them all around me
A home it is a away from home

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Mystic Law

 

A new day begins and I wonder,

Will this heartache be part of my life?

Seems the whole reason that I existed,

Was in hopes of becoming your wife.

At the day’s end it’s so awful lonely,

As I turn the sheets down on my bed,

Cause your love is felt here with each heartbeat,

And your memory left here in my head.

In this midst of confusion I’m frightened,

With the rug pulled out under my feet,

And the challenges that stand before me,

I pray God grants me courage to meet.

And I’ll hold this love close as I can now,

‘Cause I know it will help me be strong,

At those times when it feels no one loves me, 

I’ll remember the time I was wrong,

I’m still learning that Love’s got to teach us, 

The things that we don’t want to see,

That one’s presence is not what’s important, 

How they "cared" is what’s really the key,

To a world with a whole new beginning; 

‘Cause the Spirit of Love will endure,

Any hardship that we can imagine,

All the arguments, carnage, and more,

So when this world leaves your heart empty,

But sweet memories abide in your head,

And you’re torn between headstrong and heartfelt,

And remember all  that I’ve  said,

That the Spirit of Love lies within you;

It’s the substance of everything here,

It’s the smile you gave when I met you,

It’s the frown and the smirk….it’s the tear….

And our loves and our joys, yes, are wondrous,

But the real thing we’re meant to achieve,

Is to love one another with freedom,

Not possessiveness, envy, or greed.

If we learn this we’ll grow as we should here, 

And plant seeds in each daughter and son,

The Great Spirit of Love will live on here,

And the reason for Life…will have won.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

This poem was written with great empathy shortly after 911, for the surviving wives and wives-to-be of that disaster.

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Red Pill

 

The dawn of a night,

An eclipse of the sun.

Giant spectacles of power,

Here, where life has begun.

 

There's a hum to the world,

You can only feel in your heart.

An understanding and knowledge,

That will set you apart.

 

A drive to fulfill,

To learn all you can.

The mysterious, the unexplained,

Secrets hidden by man.

 

Like ashes of cloud burst,

Falling thick in your hands,

Lies the power of all heaven,

Made manifest in this land.

 

As night slowly lifts

The crow, on the hour

Comes the tempest, the winds,

Held tight by your power.

To unleash the unknown,

To set fevers a fire;

A revolution has come,

Our world, much too dire.

 

This calling resounds,

To those with the will

To come out of the shadows,

To take that Red Pill.

 

Like a beacon of light,

Drowned in a tempest's wild holler,

It seems almost hopeless,

Why should we bother?

 

I don't know about you,

But for myself, I'll agree

Sometimes it's easier,

To pretend you don't see.

 

But eyes be blind,

While ears don't hear.

Heart's can't lie,

And the mind breeds fear. 

 

I hold out my hands,

I put the call out.

Will I hear a reply?

I know without doubt.