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9/24/06



I overhear you speaking to her

In well thought out converstaion

Occasionally you turn to me and smile

You do not realize

I despise you both

My jealousy could turn into murder

And my murder could end in your death.

But no, you really don't want that to happen yet.

You will die happy

I will die young

You will go out with grace

I will just be hung



I see all these mouthes around me

But I can't understand a word that is said

Everything is moving in circles now

Nobody has a body, just a bunch of heads



I looked into a field

with a birds drowning a scarecrow

It was then revealed,

I am that scarecrow.



Maybe I am too damn jealous for my own good

Maybe I can never connected because I am often misunderstood

Maybe you are just some kind of creature from hell

Whatever you were sent here to do, you are doing it well.



I am always misplaced, cause it feels like I'm constantly confused.

Was it suppose to end this way, was I suppose to be this bruised?

No, no, no you got to help me out, it's like i can never fucking see.

I let myself adapted and I became exactly what I never wanted to be.

Walking in the dark

Hiding in the Lie

Vision, Audio, Touch,

Nothing is there

Pretend the light hides it

The vision of the stage

A part will Always stand

Gullable was written on the ceeling

Her juice was in your soul

Glowing of Neon green

Lying on a bed of wooden lies

And gasping at a fakes laugh

What was it?

What is it?

Whats there that I didnt give you?

Beuaty elopes her, yes

But as we all know

Beauty is only skin deep

Golden spirals of foil

Illuminate her

One day all will realize...

Wicked...

Unwanted...

Faces sure are ugly

When You're Alone

26-JUNE-2006



"When will you be mine"

Are the words that I see flashing upon my screen

I know I'll regret writing this

Maybe days, weeks, months, or years later

But tonight I have only one regret

And it is that you are not mine

Maybe this is an attempt at poetry

Maybe it is the manifestation of vain jealousy

Maybe it's just boredom

But there is nothing stopping me now

How can my internal status quo

CHANGE

from one day to the next

Only you know how to explain it best

For you, she is complicated,

For me, you are complicated

Why are you going around moping

Of how she doesn't love you

What are you... a drama queen

She does, it's clear as day

But it is obvious: you want things done your way

What can I say?

Is this your plea for attention?

I would love to say it's not working

But frankly...

It's taken it's toll on me

You have manipulated me in such a way

While you dragged on about how she

was unreachable in a sense

Simultaneoulsy you became unattainable

and translated to me as

IRRESISTIBLE

Why do I go back to old habits?

Do I look for aloofness in guys?

Is that a personality trait I can't live without?

It's obvious...I'm your bed pan

The object you will have at hand

When you need to dispose of all your

impurities

I's obvious I'm your second hand

choice

It's not fair to me

What a drama queeen!

Ignore me

Just trying to let off steam

A little bit overwhelmed by reality

Maybe I'm just lonely

In that case just leave me be

Your work is done here

You've done your bit for poetry

I thought that i would follow you,

to see where you go.

Your homes such a secret,

Your house dosen`t know.

To think that i would tell the things you`ve not yet shown,

or even try to be any one of all the things you`ve ever been.



Something in the way that you look at me.

Something in that ordinary stare.

Something in the way that you look at me,

that isn`t there.



Much needed irrigation on the lanscape of your face,

your hills hide a history the law couldn`t trace.

To think that i would tell them things you`ve not yet told,

Hate and jealousy are funny things when you`re lying in a distant stream.



Something in the way that you look at me.

Something close to freezing in the air.

Something in the way that you look at me,

that isn`t there.

And without care.

Why is it I am so green-eyed?

Why do I have the urge to make them divide?

I was the one who told them to go for it!

So why am I throwing and having such a fit?

I wanted her to be happy as well as him.

Now they are and I’m just grim.



Wow, I never thought it would happen, at least not to me.

I have two good friends of mine together and now I really see.

I didn’t think I’d miss him that much. I didn’t think I’d care.

But now I see how things are going and all of what they share.

The two good friends of mine, both I have a huge crush.

And now my feelings for them both I’ll have to keep at hush.

I’ll hear from both ends each of their happiness and dreams.

I’ll just nod my head and smile a façade and hold back all the screams.

He’ll be happy she’ll be happy, and I won’t intervene.

Only in my journals will I write and be obscene.





Inspired by: Emily Pellam and Sean Reily

Dedicated to: Myself and my need for composure

Created on: May 31, 2005

Sensitive

Feeling so hurt again

How fast I went from neing happy

To wanting to cry again



You always complaing

That nobody ever hinks of you

Why should I?

Just an hour ago, were you thinking of me?



It's not my fault that you

Took something you don't want

I have a right to be upset

With what you won't share with me



And what you said

It's hurting me

I can't face you again

Not tonight



I just want one piece

Of that little something

I'm willing to share my everything

But you're so selfish



And by the time you're ready

I'll be fine again

So don't bother

Sharing anything

I said it wasn't a matter when we spoke of it before

That was when I didn't think she'd arrive at my door

Like Hamlet's Ophelia, I'm losing you to HER

Her wickedness creeps through like a heartless tempter

Why would you leave me to this guilt

For I know that, when you leave, your grave I've built

Forget what I told before and don't let it ruin you

Your outrage and madness will destroy us too.

To hell with this

I am sick of this shit

You think I wouldn’t have found out

What the hell is that about

You lied to my face

If that is the case

I no longer care

I am being fare

You didn’t think I had the fondest Idea of what was going on

Wow weren’t you wrong

Both of you lied to me

And that’s the key

I know I shouldn’t care

So you know what fuck this do what ever you dare

I not going to stop you

But  I don’t know if I will forgive you