9/24/06
I overhear you speaking to her
In well thought out converstaion
Occasionally you turn to me and smile
You do not realize
I despise you both
My jealousy could turn into murder
And my murder could end in your death.
But no, you really don't want that to happen yet.
You will die happy
I will die young
You will go out with grace
I will just be hung
I see all these mouthes around me
But I can't understand a word that is said
Everything is moving in circles now
Nobody has a body, just a bunch of heads
I looked into a field
with a birds drowning a scarecrow
It was then revealed,
I am that scarecrow.
Maybe I am too damn jealous for my own good
Maybe I can never connected because I am often misunderstood
Maybe you are just some kind of creature from hell
Whatever you were sent here to do, you are doing it well.
I am always misplaced, cause it feels like I'm constantly confused.
Was it suppose to end this way, was I suppose to be this bruised?
No, no, no you got to help me out, it's like i can never fucking see.
I let myself adapted and I became exactly what I never wanted to be.
Walking in the dark
Hiding in the Lie
Vision, Audio, Touch,
Nothing is there
Pretend the light hides it
The vision of the stage
A part will Always stand
Gullable was written on the ceeling
Her juice was in your soul
Glowing of Neon green
Lying on a bed of wooden lies
And gasping at a fakes laugh
What was it?
What is it?
Whats there that I didnt give you?
Beuaty elopes her, yes
But as we all know
Beauty is only skin deep
Golden spirals of foil
Illuminate her
One day all will realize...
Wicked...
Unwanted...
Faces sure are ugly
When You're Alone
26-JUNE-2006
"When will you be mine"
Are the words that I see flashing upon my screen
I know I'll regret writing this
Maybe days, weeks, months, or years later
But tonight I have only one regret
And it is that you are not mine
Maybe this is an attempt at poetry
Maybe it is the manifestation of vain jealousy
Maybe it's just boredom
But there is nothing stopping me now
How can my internal status quo
CHANGE
from one day to the next
Only you know how to explain it best
For you, she is complicated,
For me, you are complicated
Why are you going around moping
Of how she doesn't love you
What are you... a drama queen
She does, it's clear as day
But it is obvious: you want things done your way
What can I say?
Is this your plea for attention?
I would love to say it's not working
But frankly...
It's taken it's toll on me
You have manipulated me in such a way
While you dragged on about how she
was unreachable in a sense
Simultaneoulsy you became unattainable
and translated to me as
IRRESISTIBLE
Why do I go back to old habits?
Do I look for aloofness in guys?
Is that a personality trait I can't live without?
It's obvious...I'm your bed pan
The object you will have at hand
When you need to dispose of all your
impurities
I's obvious I'm your second hand
choice
It's not fair to me
What a drama queeen!
Ignore me
Just trying to let off steam
A little bit overwhelmed by reality
Maybe I'm just lonely
In that case just leave me be
Your work is done here
You've done your bit for poetry
I thought that i would follow you,
to see where you go.
Your homes such a secret,
Your house dosen`t know.
To think that i would tell the things you`ve not yet shown,
or even try to be any one of all the things you`ve ever been.
Something in the way that you look at me.
Something in that ordinary stare.
Something in the way that you look at me,
that isn`t there.
Much needed irrigation on the lanscape of your face,
your hills hide a history the law couldn`t trace.
To think that i would tell them things you`ve not yet told,
Hate and jealousy are funny things when you`re lying in a distant stream.
Something in the way that you look at me.
Something close to freezing in the air.
Something in the way that you look at me,
that isn`t there.
And without care.
Why is it I am so green-eyed?
Why do I have the urge to make them divide?
I was the one who told them to go for it!
So why am I throwing and having such a fit?
I wanted her to be happy as well as him.
Now they are and I’m just grim.
Wow, I never thought it would happen, at least not to me.
I have two good friends of mine together and now I really see.
I didn’t think I’d miss him that much. I didn’t think I’d care.
But now I see how things are going and all of what they share.
The two good friends of mine, both I have a huge crush.
And now my feelings for them both I’ll have to keep at hush.
I’ll hear from both ends each of their happiness and dreams.
I’ll just nod my head and smile a façade and hold back all the screams.
He’ll be happy she’ll be happy, and I won’t intervene.
Only in my journals will I write and be obscene.
Inspired by: Emily Pellam and Sean Reily
Dedicated to: Myself and my need for composure
Created on: May 31, 2005
Sensitive
Feeling so hurt again
How fast I went from neing happy
To wanting to cry again
You always complaing
That nobody ever hinks of you
Why should I?
Just an hour ago, were you thinking of me?
It's not my fault that you
Took something you don't want
I have a right to be upset
With what you won't share with me
And what you said
It's hurting me
I can't face you again
Not tonight
I just want one piece
Of that little something
I'm willing to share my everything
But you're so selfish
And by the time you're ready
I'll be fine again
So don't bother
Sharing anything
I said it wasn't a matter when we spoke of it before
That was when I didn't think she'd arrive at my door
Like Hamlet's Ophelia, I'm losing you to HER
Her wickedness creeps through like a heartless tempter
Why would you leave me to this guilt
For I know that, when you leave, your grave I've built
Forget what I told before and don't let it ruin you
Your outrage and madness will destroy us too.
To hell with this
I am sick of this shit
You think I wouldn’t have found out
What the hell is that about
You lied to my face
If that is the case
I no longer care
I am being fare
You didn’t think I had the fondest Idea of what was going on
Wow weren’t you wrong
Both of you lied to me
And that’s the key
I know I shouldn’t care
So you know what fuck this do what ever you dare
I not going to stop you
But I don’t know if I will forgive you