Illness

Hello Mr. Sick

Hello Mr. Sick

You remembered me.

You've come back again

To revisit thee.

 

The first time you came

It was really bad.

Worst time in my life

That I have ever had.

 

Now you're back

To attack me again

It seems to me

I just can't win.

 

Have you come this time

For a very short stay

Or have you come this time

To take me away?

 

Whichever one

You decide to do

Make it quick

I'm tired of you.

 

So will you leave

Or just hang around

Till I feel better

Or a cure is found?

 

I'm in a lot of pain

Every night, every day

I pray to God

You go away.

 

But Cancer, this is what you do.

You hit, hide and then come back.

Compassion for people

You surely lack.

 

If you decide to stay this time

It might just be the end of me.

If not, go and don't come back

You, I really don't want to see.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I was told I had Stage 4 Cancer two years ago. Recent events with my illness have gaven me cause to write this poem.

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Through Death's Eyes

The Mighty Quin Presents.

Through
Death's
Eyes

Copyright © 2012 Matthew Wayne
'An M.D.Publication'.
All rights reserved.

Writing by:
Matthew Wayne

Illustrations by:
Eric D.

Chapter One;
“The Sickness”

His red ball rolled down the street as Quin froze in fear.
“Mom” the young boy shouted with all the force he could muster. He watched what appeared to be the grim reaper virtually glide down the middle of the road. To each side of him people and animals started dieing. Many of them went out gasping for air as if they could not breath. Some held their chest's over their hearts.
Death followed in the wake of this reaper as it moved closer and closer to the boy. Frozen in fear he felt his legs turn to lead as he so desperately wanted to run. The closer death grew near, more of his vision started fading. Just as the hooded figure was upon the boy he blacked out.
The reaper continued on, raising his arm as it passed by the child, his skeletal finger gently tapped the boy's forehead. He gracefully fell back onto the pavement. All was quiet as death continued on down the road. The boy laid there peacefully as cars veered off the roads when the reaper passed them. In all the chaos the young boy takes a shallow breath. The noise fades in and out before long bleeding into the backdrop of his own beating heart.

Quin awoke from his slumber. Laying in a hospital bed. Confused and scared. The last thing he had remembered was his ball rolling down the road, then a black shadow before he collapsed to the ground. His eyes slowly looked around the room. Attached to his body were wires that connected to various machines next to his bed, each buzzing as if they had been left unattended for some time now. Quin's voice was hoarse as he tried calling out to anyone who might hear him.

Gathering his strength, Quin managed to crawl from the bed, being dehydrated made him weak as his balance unstable. After removing all the various wires that were attached to him. He held his breath as he quickly pulled the needle from his hand that had been connected to the I.V. His eyes swelled with tears as he cried out to anyone who might hear him.
When nobody responded he carefully made his way to the door of his hospital room, opening it his eyes grew wide as his jaw slowly dropped. He let go of the door handle as it continued to open all the way.

The hallway was a mess, as if only moments ago there was a riot of some kind. Bed's flipped over, trash and medical supplies thrown everywhere. It was the dead bodies that scared Quin, his eyes glued to the chaos before him. They littered the floor as he carefully moved to dodge every corpse he managed to pass. Some were laying their heads down on their reception desks. There was no blood. No signs of any violence apart from the chaos of the room that managed to look as if a bunch of kids ram sacked it. Quin was frozen in shock at the insanity before him.

The lights above him flickered as he made his way to the large sliding glass doors of the hospital's entrance. Holding his breath as if not to disturb the dead. Quin took a step forward towards the doors as the motion sensor kicked on opening the sliding glass doors revealing the wilderness of the outside world.
What Quin saw however was completely different than what he was expecting. People were walking down the sidewalks. Cars pulling in and out of parking spaces. Walking a few feet, he felt the sun hit his face as he looked up feeling the warmth against his skin as he lowered his head he froze once more catching his breath as before him only a few feet away stood the reaper once more, towering over the boy.

The reaper was about to speak, but suddenly Quin felt a hand grab his arm quickly spinning him around and before him stood his mother, before she could say anything he quickly jumped into her arms holding her tight. He was afraid he had lost her.

“Well I have some good news” The doctor said as he walked up to Quin's mother who was standing at the window outside of his room. She took a deep breath as she wiped the tears from her eyes as she heard the doctor. “Oh.. I'm sorry I was just lost in thought.” She said as regained her composure. “Good news?” she asked hesitantly.
The doctor looked up from his files as he smiled towards her. “Yes, it seems our current treatment is working for Quin.” Her eyes drifted towards her son who was sitting on the bed in his hospital room. He was wearing a gown and a cap that covered his bald head. He sat at the foot the bed, staring straight ahead, as if catatonic. Sitting across from him was the reaper. Quin was focusing hard staring deep into the blackness of the hood. Trying to see if he could make out eyes or anything for that matter.

The room was quiet, until Quin broke the silence. “Am I dead?” his voice was soft but direct. The reaper slowly shook his head from side to side. Outside of his room the doctor was going over the technical aspect's of the boy's condition, “He seems so disconnected with reality doctor” His mother spoke her voice shaky and rattled. “He told me, he saw his reaper as in the robe and everything.” The doctor nodded his head. “You know, with the location of the tumor side effects such as hallucinations are bound to occur, Your job is to keep him grounded here.” The doctor trying to reassure Quin's mother put his hand on her shoulder.

“Am I dieing?” Quin spoke again to his reaper who sat across the room not even a few feet from him. This time the reaper nodded his head slowly. Without warning the reaper stood up. “It's time” a deep voice from out of no where as the reaper raised it's arm a skeletal finger reaches out touching Quin on the forehead. Quin's eyes rolled up into the back of his head as his body suddenly stiffened up before going into convulsions. His doctor and mother jumped into action rushing into the boy's room the doctor quickly starts yelling towards the wait staff for help as Quin flopped wildly on the bed from his seizure.

Chapter Two;
“The Quest Begins”

The room buzzed with beeps as the various machines attached to Quin monitored his condition. Quin's mother sat in a chair next to his bed gently holding his hand, as a nurse was checking his fluids hanging in bags on the other side of his bed. The door opened as the doctor came in. folding his arms over his chest. “It looks like we have him stabilized for now however, I'm afraid now.” He paused for a moment then walked over towards her looking down. “He has slipped into a coma, The only thing we can do now is watch and wait.” He hung his head as he left the room. She turned her attention back towards Quin this time squeezing his hand a little harder. “I'm here baby, Mommy is not going anywhere sweetie. Just wake up” She took a deep breath fighting back the tears wanting to rush out.

Quin opened his eyes, he was standing in the hallway of his old house. Buzzing with sounds from the television, kids running around the house. He remembered this, it was only a few months ago, weeks before he was diagnosed with his illness. His mother was entertaining a new friend as she called it but he was really her new boyfriend. She tried to soften the blow towards him and his younger brother after losing their dad.
Looking around the house Quin spotted his reaper standing by the door. Walking over to him he stopped, looking around the house again before speaking. “What is going on here? Why did you bring me here?”
“Kids!” Quin's mother shouted from the dinning room, her voice carried up the stairs to their room where they were playing. The past Quin pokes his head out of the room and yells in anger towards his mom “I DONT CARE I DONT WANT TO MEET YOUR NEW BOYFRIEND!” he waited a moment before adding on “AND YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!” His head disappeared back into the room slamming the door. That set off his mother as she quickly took off towards the stairs. Quin remembers this day, she not only had a long talk with him but he got punished as well for acting out as she put it.
“I did not bring you anywhere” The reaper spoke calmly towards Quin. “We are inside your head. All of this, is of your own creation.” When Quin blinked in that split second his entire surroundings had changed. No longer were they in the house, now they were standing in the middle of a field, on a hill. It was dark, over looking the stars and they even seemed a bit brighter than usual.
The reaper's deep voice broke the silence. “You have one chance to live, but it will cost you and you must prove yourself worthy.”

“Quin” A soft voice whispered directly into his ear caused him to quickly turn around in doing so once again his surroundings had changed, It was day time now. Standing in what appeared to be a desert full of odd shaped cacti. Each one representing a shape. Some even formed the shape of a number. In his hand he was holding what looked like a steel bar, no longer than four or five feet.

“What the hell” Was all he could find words for. He quickly closed his eyes and tapped his toes together three times while repeating “there is no place like home.” he slowly opened one eye. Hoping to be back with his mom, but when he opened his eyes he was staring at a cactus in the shape of a square. Looking around again, he noticed what looked to be a trail, that had previously been used a few times. Taking a deep breath he began walking. He did not even know which direction he was heading in.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I just couldnt resist myself!!!! What can I say, I have a bad habbit of sharing my work before I finish it. haha This is the first two chapters (obviously a vary rough cut) of my Kid's book "Through Death's Eyes" I've been using this project as a vent for my creative juices since I've been suffering from writersblock as well as working on various other projects. One of them being The Postpoems publication.

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Somewhere October 21, 2012

Somewhere October 21, 2012

Somewhere, somehow
These memories pains me so
Harder to breathe
“Let it go” they say
But it ain’t that easy
“Learn from your mistakes”
There are unresolved questions
“Move on”
How can I?
Repression: both a gift and curse
Diagnosis: Major Depressive Disorder
“They’re mistaken”
Research shows it’s Autism.
Specifically, Asperger’s

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Poem written from personal experiences and research (lots of it) To people with disabilities: hang in there

Halo

Halo

I have another's heart
and alien one
bum bum
it's like a voice
bum bum
it's wired to someone else
all these feelings are useless to me
bum bum
but they're feeding something hide

that body was a battlefield
and the legendary war was called bipolar

a dream within a dream
and the laws of your flesh are nothing
while you're living and dying
I'm having another existence
here in your sleep
i'm hiding a smile
it's like alice in wonderland

All i can do is wait
because here death is just a legend
time is infinite
because life sometimes is just a long path to the end

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tags:

Shower Me In Tears

Folder: 
Pain/Ilness

I step into the warming water,
And let my sorrow flow.
No one hears the cries of me-
These tears, they'll never know.

They pool down there, at my feet,
And swirl on down the drain.
I only wish they washed away,
My sorrow and my pain.

Amidst the splashing shower sounds,
No one can hear me crying.
They don't know, that in this water,
Another part of me is dying.

A storm that rages in my soul,
Rattles my core like thunder.
Sometimes I wish the tub would fill,
And drag me right down under.

In there, there is no separation,
As one with water, my tears meld.
I must release this inner flooding,
Too long have they been held.

If only water could wash away,
The moisture of my fears.
Take away all my afflictions,
As it showers me in my tears.

But once again, its time to step out,
Wipe the water from skin and eyes.
Put on a smile, along with my clothes,
Because no one ever hears my cries.

A Poem For Karen

My friend, I know you can fight this,
Because that's how strong-a-woman you are.
No way can this, take you out,
Hell, I've seen you in worse shape, at the bar!

Woman, you always speak your mind,
So start screaming off your head!
I know that if anyone can do this, girl,
Its you, that will get out, of that damn bed!

As long as I have known you,
Nothing has ever held you back.
So come on Karen, win this fight,
Just give it a bitch-like SMACK!

If there's one thing, I've always known,
Its that your heart is made of gold.
You'd give shirt right off your back, (literally lol)
With you Hun, they sure broke the mold!

So many people are pulling for you,
And sending prayers to God above.
Please know that we are here for you,
And know, that you, we love!

Author's Notes/Comments: 

This is for my friend Karen, who suffered a massive stroke very early Tuesday morning. She is only 48 and has a husband, young son and family and friends who need her here still. The stroke was very bad....but she is holding her own and has sooooo many people praying for her!! If anyone can d this...KAREN CAN!!! Love ya girl!!!! FIGHT!!!!!!!!!! <3 xoxo

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Let's pray for Earl King

Earl King had a heart attack and needs our prayers.
He's a good man and needs to know that people care.
At the moment he's in critical condition.
Let's pray that he'll soon be in remission.
He's given his friends and family quite a fright.
Let's pray that Earl will be all right.

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FIBROMYALGIA

Folder: 
Pain/Ilness

Firmly, it holds me a prisoner
In its taunting grip of misery,
Bringing me to sanity's brink,
Relentless as it courses along.
Obediently, I take the punishment-
Mutiny of this, my own self.
Years of this torturous affliction
Align itself to my core-to my very soul,
Leaving no room for such piteous cries.
Great is this pain so real, yet hidden.
Invisible to those who only look-
Apparent, to those who care enough to see.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Invisible diseases hurt the most-not by way of the obvious physical pain, but by way of the emotional toil it takes when no one understands or even tries to...

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Chronically Chronic

Folder: 
Pain/Ilness

 

Its a life of constant chronic tears,
brought on by the constant chronic fears-
that tomorrow could be even worse,
in this endless, vulgar, chronic curse...

That I chronically call my life...

 

Its a never-ending losing fight,
So easy to give up, as every night,
I lie under the sheets of my total pain,
praying the nightmare won't play, yet again...

But of course, it does...

 

For my nightmares aren't simply fiction,
its just the reality, of these afflictions,
that love to beat me, so far down,
love to see me prone to ground.

Begging on my aching knees...

 

I try in vain, to tell all the others,
such pain is real to this woman, daughter, and mother.
I'd stop it if I could, just for each of you,
and do the things, a woman needs to do.

But they don't ever even hear...

 

So I'm chronically all alone,
In my chronic state of a combat zone.
Chronically crying out at disease,
That no one chronically can even see.

So they all look away...

 

Rather than have to face my distress,
Its easier to make it seem such less.
But in effect, they hurt me more,
emotional pain now piled on my floor.

Next to the physical pile of painful me...

 

Oh, to make the world understand,
even just my own, little part of this land-
That what I have is chronically true-
Such torture would I never wish to you.

That I chronically call my life...

 

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