heart

*The Fight (2)*

 

 October.15.2004

 Trisha Barrek Hopkins

 

I wish I was stronger

But no matter how hard I try

My wishlist not to igsist just gets longer

More and more I'm left alone to cry

In the late hours of the night 

 

Deep inside no one sees the pain

That I try so hard to fight

The only way to go on is to fill my eyes

With these salty tears

But all I really gain

A blurred vision when I look to the light

 

Can God not see

I'm so tired and sick of feeling so alone

I guess not because he just lets me be 

And eachday my heart becomes more hollow inside

It becomes all stone

 

This path of pain I am meant to follow 

From it I can not hide

And deeper I go into this evil shadow

Because no man shows they care

I just do not want to feel anymore

I have no strength to fight

The demons that drag me to the floor 

The pain and hurt inside my heart

They try to store 

 

It's trying so hard to make me die

And some days I wish I would 

I no longer want to try

Yes I know I still should 

But everyday a piece of me disappears

And is gone forever 

I try to scream out"help" to someone 

But it seems like no one hears

And the light is fading from the sun

This evil has put a spell on peoples ears

 

No one hears my helping plea

This evil has made people blind

So no one can see me 

Try to fight as I try to find 

A way to stop these wounds

So they no longer bleed

But the evil trys so hard

To make me fail

On my pain he loves to feed

I am becoming too weak to go on 

But no one will help with the fight 

So I should just give up and die 

Just disappear fade out sight

As I sit alone and powerless as I cry

 

As my soul drifts away

From my body it once knew

No longer fighting another day

My days are bitter darkness

No longer a happy clear blue sky

My lifes such a mess

 

I gave up I try no longer to live

This evil my soul I give

I just sit here in emptiness

I wait to die

I sit and watch my life pass me 

As I hear my last word spoken

It's loud and clear

I'm not in any fear

I'm fine as I can be 

To say my good-bye

The evil keeps my pain as a token

The tear I cry

My heart is so broken

And I no longer know the word

Or the meaning of the fight 

I don't even try

To keep my soul in my sight

 

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3am

I find myself laid awake at 3am entangled in her web that is seemingly embedded deep within my mind. 

 
A feeling of warmth engulfs me as I realise the things that were once paramount to my existence no longer serve a purpose, for now she is my existence. 
 
The world could fall apart around me but I would not be fazed. My thoughts would still be trapped, willingly, in that deep part of my mind meant only for her. 
 
 
 
 
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*Give ME Back My Heart*

March.9./March.10.1996

 Trisha Barrek Hopkins

 

Give me back my heart

I gave it to you

To take care of

Not tare it apart

I'm not someone you can push and shove

 

The pain it went through 

When you went behind my back

How could you hurt me

How could you think I wouldn't find out

You said I could believe

Well I have something to tell you

Sweetheart I already knew

 

All I want is for you to give me back my heart

Yes the one I gave to you

The one that is in a million pieces

Because of you

How stupid of me 

To think you would be true

You said I could set my worries free

 

Sometimes I cry

Because I remember our good times

Then your evil strikes me

Now my soul wants to die

Why couldn't you just let me be

 

Give me back my heart

I should of known

From the start

Only if I could of forseen the future

You took me off my gaurd

And I got thrown

 

The rumors that went around

Were they always about me 

The things about you I found

Made me see clearly

We just wasn't meant to be

My heart wasn't treated fairly

 

All of those lies you told

I would of figured it out someday

But I didn't have to wait too long

Everything came to unfold

When you were so weak

I always stayed by your side

You turned out to be a little sneak

I was the one who was always strong

The only reason I always cried

Was because I knew deep down we didn't belong

 

Give me back my heart

Take back these tears

Today is a brand new start

My heart will never hurt again

Heart broken all those years

 

I should of left you then

My love for you

You threw down the drain

Your soul was never true

You're not worth "a could of been"

 

Now it's your turn

To feel all the pain

It's your time to burn

Tears and heartbreak you will gain

 

My love for you will never be

This is why you must go away

From you I'm finally free

I no longer want to stay

 

All I want is my heart back

To stop all this pain

You're not worth it that's a fact

Baby you're done playing this game

 

Give me back my heart

And lets never try this again

Baby we're through

My life you're no longer apart

I'm no longer in love with you

 

Copyright

*Don't Give Loneliness A Chance*

December.9.2002

 Trisha Barrek Hopkins

 Dedicated to my highschool sweetheart Derrick Mann

 

 I will love you more then that

Dance by your side in candle light 

I never knew you could make me feel this way

No matter what "we" become to be

Promise you'll stay

Promise you won't set what we have free

 

Don't give loneliness a chance

To take away the romance

Promise your kind of love will never disappear

And you'll always be by my side 

To wipe away the tears

To capture my fears

 

Now and forever

We'll be in eachothers heart

I'll always be your lady

This friendship I promise I won't let it part

 

Lets forget our shitty past

And make a future so kind

A passion that'll last

One in no other we can find

No one else can compare

Not a soul can share

 

Don't give loneliness a chance

To take away our first dance

To take away our first kiss

Don't let loneliness take our romance

 

Don't give loneliness a chance

To keep us from eachothers arms

Let us have a moment to experience with our charms

Let us see the true light

Enjoy eachother with delite

 

Always forever and a day more

I will remember my truest crush

You're the one I always have adored

I will never forget your gentle touch

The day I got to experience your magic

My heart soared

I felt butterflies in my stomach

 

That's why sweetheart

I won't give loneliness a chance

To take away what I always have on my mind

To this day from the start

You're a special man one that's so very kind

 

We will always remain

Best friends forever

Our lives will never be the same

Our hearts will always stay together 

Promise me you won't give loneliness a chance

And we'll stay close to one another

Promise you'll forever remember my name 

Forever keep this romance

 

Copyright

*The Things You Say But Don't Do*

 November.26.2002

 Trisha Barrek Hopkins

 

The things you say 

But dont ever do

Are the ones that hurt in every way

It's rude to make me sit here and wait for you

If I had to hold my breath I would be blue

Remembering all the promises you said

 

This is confusing me

That I wish you knew

If you say your going to call

Then you must see it through

Instead I sit here like an ass and wait 

For the phone to ring 

Your lies I really hate 

Calling? You still have not done

I guess with your heart

I really haven't won

Once again mine is falling apart

 

I wonder if you care

That your causing all this pain

I thought it was okay 

With my true feelings to share 

But I live with your lies another day

And your attitude remains the same 

 

As I sit here and cry

Your most likely playing your game

You know...I should of let my soul die

Because all you care about is fame

It is almost five

And still no call

I wish I didn't let my heart come alive

You..I wish I never saw

 

Things you say

You never come through with it 

Or you make it for another day

Which that's just bull shit

You shouldn't treat someone you care about this way

Its just not right

To show affection one minute and not the next

These tears I'm trying to fight

I'm trying not to put a hex

On your pit a full heart

As you did with me that night

 

The things you dont live up to 

Its not fair to me 

Because I am opening up to you

I should of kept everything inside left everything be

I should of kept these feelings hidden

I shouldn't of set them free

I knew it was forbidden

 

Things you say but dont do

I hope this is a faze you're going through

And soon it will be okay

To love and care for you

Like the other day

 

But still the things you do

Are not what you stay to

You never see them through

You wait to the very last minute

Or you completely forget about it

 

This pain inside you caused I wish you could feel

I wish to my heart you could be real

But the things you say

You never do

So I'm going to put my heart away

For someone else who is true

One who will see things through

One with me 

Who'll always by my side stay

And never set my heart free

 

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*Where Do I Belong*

June-20-2014

 Trisha Barrek Hopkins

 

I've been searching for you

And finally after fifteen years

Our hearts are no longer two

After all of these tears

I finally got the chance to be with you

 

But where do I belong

In your busy mind

I'm trying to be strong

But no matter what I do

In your head

Something always goes wrong

There are days you're not kind

It's always something hurtfull you said

 

I sit here to think

Nothing comes to mind at first

Another second passes before my day begins to stink

Wondering if I am cursed

Or if we will get some luck our way

Why must I feel like this everyday

I always feel like I'm gonna cry

Why do I even bother to try

 

Sometimes the thoughts in my mind

My head feels like it's gonna burst

And some thoughts aren't what I want to find

I want to share my thoughts with you

But I can't find the words they won't come out 

 

So another day passes by

We are stuck in a rut and can't escape

Your thoughts make you cry

Mine make me angry and so mad

And I want to shout

There's days where I feel our souls die

 

I havent seen your smile 

For a very long time

Honey it's been awhile

There's days I begin to wonder

My heart begins to break

I dont feel our relationship is as strong

When will our love get awake

 

I want us to be like before 

When we were happy and tight

Now it feels like im a bore

I want things to be right

 

I want to belong

I want to be with you

I want to feel your touch

I miss it when you don't kiss me 

I miss us so much

Please honey tell me what you want to do 

Do you want to keep us 

Or set us free

 

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Miracle

Miracle

You walk in unafraid,

My heartbeat's trailing you,

Both my eyes are on ya,

My breathing can't be slowed,

I hear you in my head,

Can't wait to see you 'gain.

 

Your'e my miracle,

My lovely miracle,

You shine like the stars above,

Listen to me miracle,

You came from God above,

You've answered all my prayers.

 

You're looking my way,

My mind is always on ya,

Oh boy you drive me crazy,

I see you walking towards me,

Nodding your golden head,

Can't wait to see you 'gain.

 

You're my miracle,

My lovely miracle,

You shine like the stars above,

Listen to me miracle,

You came from God above,

You've answered all my prayers.

 

Miracle, my lovely miracle,

Miracle, my lovely miracle,

There are,

Stars in my eyes,

There are,

Words that aren't spoken,

They're are,

Notes that speak my heart.

 

You're my miracle,

My lovely miracle,

You shine like the stars above,

Listen to me miracle,

You came from God above,

You've answered all my prayers.

 

You speak my name,

Your words are always true,

Both your eyes are on me,

My heart is beat, beat, beating,

Your words heat my veins,

Can't wait to see you 'gain.

 

Your'e my miracle,

My lovely miracle,

Can't wait to see you 'gain.

Your'e my miracle,

My lovely miracle,

Can't wait to see you 'gain.

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Supposed to be a song, it's one of my personnel favorites.

*Mind, Heart, Soul*

March.23.2001 
Trisha M Barrek Hopkins


-Mind- 

 

You are always on my mind 
Too sweet 
So kind 
When I'm cold you're my heat 
Someone just like you I won't ever find 
No one else i want to find 
Your love always makes me blind 
Right next to me will always be your seat 

 

-Heart- 


You'll always be in my heart 
So deep 
Never part 
When you're with me I cant sleep 
I knew we were meant to be from the start 


-Soul- 

 

You are apart of my soul 
You are all around me 
To keep in touch will be my goal 
I'm not ever setting you free 
You're a precious memory forever I will hold 
Apart of my soul you will always be 
You are worth more then gold 
You are dear that I hope you see 

 

You will always be in my mind 
You will always be apart of my heart 
You will always be connected to my soul 
And the memories will never end 

 

Copyright 

Trisha M Barrek Hopkins 

*Only The Strong Will Survive*

March-21-2007 
Trisha M Barrek Hopkins


Leave me in heaven if i should die 
Help my soul if i shall cry 
When i fall help me shake it off 
Help me believe only the strongest will survive 
It s time to go 
Help me and my heart thrive 
Just ride with the flow 
God let me know 
Tell me my shadow will remain on the wall 
And when i look down at the ground it will still be below 
I will stay 
Try to stay alive 
Go out with my kids to play 
And be stronger then the demons i may hold 
Or The depressions and stress i may buildup inside 
And try to forget the evil I've been told 
And be able to see the crisp blue of the day 
I will try to not become greedy for gold 
Because Only the strongest will survive 
I will always protect my sacred ground 
For no one can destroy my will 
For each day will become the past 
And the power to live i have found 
My strength will forever last 
For i have no need for a fun pill 
For only the strongest will survive 
Leave me in heaven when i die 
Show me the way 
To save us all 
How to erase my darkest day 
Because i plan on standing tall 
We remain hand on hand 
There is a wonder in peoples eyes 
And always one set of footprints in the sand 
Even though i still hear the echo of my pasts cries 
The salty tears i once in awhile see 
Rolling down my face 
Trying to not believe 
My hearts moving at a faster pace 
As i begin to float upward toward the midnight sky 
Where in heaven im meant to rest 
Finally i am allowed to die 
Or maybe it s just a test 
God my be playing to see how far 
My will can with stand the cards i am dealt 
Or to see if my evil away will melt 
Because only the strongest will survive 
I do know i want to remain alive 
For i will protect my days i have on this earth for a very long time 
Because god could take me up to heaven in a drop of a dime 

 

By: Trisha M Barrek Hopkins
Finished: 1:21 am 3-22-07