heart

My Wish For You

Folder: 
My Love

This is it
This is goodbye
And though you say I just can’t add up
I’m not so sure about that
But your saying that may mean
That you’re not good enough for me
Yet, that’s not how I feel

So before you leave
I wish

That you always find God’s grace
That you find what you’re looking for
That your dreams give you wings
That you aim at the stars
That you appreciate compliments
And forget critics
That you live like you’re dying tomorrow
And you always find your way back

I’m still your friend
And I can settle for second place
But only because loving you briefly
Is better than not knowing you at all
Perhaps another time
Another life
We would’ve been happy
But if you can’t find someone better
I’ll still be here

And I wish
That your heart won’t be broken
Past what I can fix
That the fork in the road
Wakes you up to the drive
That you find joy
In the little things in life
And that you always find your way home.

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The Illusionist

Folder: 
Love

Come to me, watch my eyes
Come catch a glimpse of paradise
Watch my smile while I cry
Show my life as I die
See my light! Is truly dark
See my magic, only farce
The door which leads you to my heart
Is really a wall, protect my heart
Yes I smile, but you can't see
The pain and tears inside of me
The magic I show you to make you smile
With a broken heart all the while
I live and love to make you glad
All the while to miss what I had
This my job, I won't let you see
So that you won't cry for me
Magic I claim, magic I know
All an illusion, only a show
But soon you will leave, a smile on your face
And that smile will be my redeeming grace.

All I Ask Of You

Folder: 
My Love

All I ask of you
Is to let me in your heart
Don’t push me away when you hurt
I can handle your problems
I am a strong tower in your storms
A lighthouse in the darkness
And I know the way home

 

All I ask of you
Is to remember me
Don’t forget our times together
When your dreams come true
And rob me of you
When you spread your wings
While you fly on the breeze
Just pause and think of me

 

All I ask of you
Is to be yourself
Don’t be afraid to hurt my feelings
I love you, not the mask you put on
Let your feelings flood around us
Just say what you need to say
And I’ll be there to listen always

 

All I ask of you
Is to not change to please people
They don’t know who you are
Many of them don’t even care
But I do
I care

 

All I ask of you
Is to live each day to it’s fullest
To live like you will die tomorrow
To not regret past mistakes, but learn from them
To live and to love
Each day is the first day of the rest of your life
Be who you want to be

And as I cheer you on
And watch you take to the skies
I can’t help but hope
That someday
You might love me too

Hollow

Folder: 
Love

Church bells ring
But I don’t hear them
Silence is my only sound
My world is in black and white
The color is gone
Since you’re now no longer around
Music once flowed, now out of my life
Children are laughing
But I can’t see
All I see is you, leaving me slowly
Watching me suffer
In love with you, forever I’ll be

Why didn’t I fight
My cowardice shown
But now you’re gone
And I’m left all alone
I’d rather be in pain
Than feel nothing at all
Apathy, still having
Yet further to fall
My heart ripped out
A hollow chest remains
No power to fight
Memory, my chains

So, am I living or have I yet died
Nothing is left, I’m hollow inside

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tormented And Hurt

tormented and hurt

i can feel it coming on
like the calm before the storm
like a flower without sunlight
is my body badly torn
i took it for granted the days i could go
now i sit here, all alone
day by day it doesnt change
just a hard uphill battle every fucking day
tomorrow will be bad
probably worse than today
as i walk to the front door
and smell the air
my breathing gets heavy
hands start to shake
can feel like my knees , are starting to break
i can see the sunlight
just out of my reach
as i drop to the floor, feet from the door
its already to late
it broke my legs
and cut my throut
with its long rusty jaged hooks
into my back
it halls me back to hell ,
It has won
anxiety and depression
will not be overcome ...
even tho ill wait my chance
day by day
I'll once again to break free someday ...

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I am

Folder: 
The First One.

I AM
scared that’ll fall for you.
am scared to kiss you, cause am scared I might just miss you
am scared to hug you, feels harder to not hold you tighter
am scared to miss you, because it means I just might NEED YOU
am scared to laugh with you, feels like it won’t be just the two
am scared to cry for you, means I might just have TO lie to you
but what scares me the most, Is that am so scared to LOVE you
because if I do I might just close my eyes and just see US two
AND FORGET, forget, forget
THE reason for being so scared
forget, that I’ll just get HURT.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

FEEDBACK. Please.

My Place

Folder: 
My Love

I’m sorry
But I can’t help but stare
I know those eyes
And I see right into them
Past the walls placed against them
Past all the remarks
Past all the cover-ups
Right to the scars
Right to the pain
Right to your fears
I’m your heart
Or at least
That’s what you gave me
I’ll never leave you
I’ll never let them hurt you
I’m always here
Embracing you
Letting you know
You’re still alive
And have so much to live for
This is my place
Living on the inside
So you can live without

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My Heart Stops

Folder: 
Sad/emotional

I have had a dark past,
With so many things I never told you,
I couldn't tell you...
I told you many things though,
I was afraid,
I wanted to cry.
Every time I told you something,
I didn't know what you were thinking,
Tears  began to fall,
My heart rate seemed to pick up,
Anxiety seemed to take control,
Its foot on the gas,
And I just couldn't stop,
I worried,
I cried,
I wanted to scream,
I wanted to hear someone say,
"It'll be ok",
No one did,
You understand now?
I can't trust,
Not yet at least,
You said I could for you,
I promise to try,
I can feel anxiety still pushing,
Pushing me forward,
But what happens when I run out of fuel,
Out of energy,
Is it true?
My heart will stop?

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written for a special someone who I hope will read this... ✋

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Listening with heart

Perfectly Ordinary, this scene of life
Grass and leaves weaving
The moon on the rise

Automaton lungs breathing in
breathing out
As the pen in my hand pours words
like water from a spout
I don't doubt that this world
is uniquely a dream
Recently, I don't doubt much anything
What is there to doubt?

Everything is moving as it always is
yet what makes it seem real
is far from abyss

Subtle breezes greet my ear
Roaring over multiple ambiances
quite near

Water trinkles, voices bloom, the sun tickles, the evening gloom
Seeking love
being kind
oh how it seems......so hard to find
but when I stop
and as I sit
Only then......I see
what I have missed
Always here....Never gone
Awareness now, and forever on.

Loving what is is loving "I".

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I felt deeply moved while writing this, and I how you feel moved while reading it.

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