I Think

closet boxes 2002

Can I forgive you

when for so long you broke my heart

and if I did

tell me if it's long 'till it starts.

When I realize

the things you visioned were all lies

and I see that

all this time you were disguised.

Could I hate you

for everything you put me through

I guess I never will

think I may be in love with you.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

two sides, enough said there

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Who Are You

Who are you, why are you here

You’ve been with me before, but never this long

What exactly is it you want with me

You justify yourself, but I know you must be wrong

Who do you think you are

To smite my face and take it all from me

Then what gives you the right

To say you’re on my side, and you will set me free

What did you say, what did I hear

You say that you’re a friend who will get me through the night

Then why do you only appear

When every thing around me can never seem quite right

Why is it that you pause

I asked you a simple question, don’t bother playing this game

What is it you call yourself

I know who you are, Pride is your name

Author's Notes/Comments: 

If you wanted a September 11 response, you've got it.  I know it's not the most patriotic (in fact, it's not in any sense)  but it's how I felt about the things I was saying and doing in those ten days after that I thought were patriotic and supportive but were just prideful and hate filled and it was really taking me down.  Well, I’m done with that run on, sorry.  But non-the-less, this was my response.  I hope knowing this doesn't offend anyone.  Peace and God bless America

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Sick of Wishing

Hard Times

Another tear, comes from my eye

I wish these tears, all would die

I’m sick of crying, my whole life through

Knowing this crying, is all from you

Another rare smile, to brighten my day

I wish these smiles, would forever stay

These smiles come, only now and then

But to many smiles, is just like a sin

Another dream, I wish were true

And that there was something, I could do

I wish these thoughts, all in my head

Were once something, you really had said

I’m sick of wishing, all of my life

I’m sick of thinking of using the knife

I’m sick of everything, mean you have said

And I’m sick of always being led

Never am I, to wish again

I’m not to live, the live I’ve been

I now know, exactly what to do

Make my wishes, and get rid of you!

Author's Notes/Comments: 

This poem doesnt realate to my life. (My friends, don't worry!! I don't want to get rid of you!!

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I Don't Hate You/ I Just Really Don't Like You Right Now.

closet boxes 2002

I could tell you that I hate you

for what you did to me

for how you caused me pain

but what I great lie would that be.

I can't say that I hate you

I am just simply mad

but I doubt we will ever find

the friendship that we once had.

You said you really liked me

then you hurt me for the first time

and now you've kissed another one

yet another in your line.

If you like her so much

why don't you just go for that

I would rather you be honest

then have you be a brat.

I'm sorry if you don't like this

but right now I don't like you

and if I said to fuck off

what would you really do.

Just say to hell to all this shit

then find somebody new

I don't want this to happen

I still do care for you.

So even if we'll just be friends

i'll try my best to see

even though I don't like you right now

you never meant to hurt me.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

This IS NOT for anyone.
I swear.

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Presenting... My Hatred for You

Like a thousand masks you presented yourself to me

A person with no identity

Not a care of the world

Not a care to me.

Looking deep inside you would be looking at a mirror

A mirror that reflects off another

And another and another

And then another.

Innocent as you may seem to me and many others

Your heart is not as what it seems

Makes one question the colour and the temperature

Or the overall existence of such an object.

However cool as you may be

To me and to those who are close to me

Your hatred fly at me like dark claws

Clinging on every word every movement every part of me.

My anger towards you grows each day

Like a storm you circled above me

Driving me slowly to insanity

And act like someone I am not.

Though I cant say this to you in your face

I can say it in this poem

How much I HATE YOU

and despise you.

You make me look low and small

Like a pest that deserves to be squashed

You've created a monster that will haunt me

When you've created ME.





I hate you for who you are

I hate you for what you've done

I hate you for how you've hurt me

I hate you for I once loved you.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

If you ever read this poem, wait... I know you'll never read this poem because you dont give a care about me or what I do. But if this poem ever gets to you, I wish you can understand what you've put me through and really... how much I cared and loved you. You are the second person in this world that has betrayed me and the only person that could make me feel this rotten...

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You Know Me, But You Dont

you think you know me

but you dont

you dont see whats inside

you dont see the darkened details

that I try to hide

my rage, my hate, my jealousy

the pain that sometimes clouds

you dont see my broken heart

or the things that try to break out

you dont see that part

what you see is my smile

the outer side of me

you hear what I say to you

thinking I am one of the happiest in the world

but thats not always true

no... there is much more that lies deeper

no one will ever know

theres reasons I dont show these things

sometimes its all an act I play

I'm like a puppet on strings

theres no one who can see me that way

my feelings will stay where they are

I'm not saying I'm never happy

that is far from true

but there is more inside of me

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Distribution of Hate Inside Me

Inside a million spiders

crawl beneath my skin

in every darkened corner

releasing venomous sin

with web not easily broken

they suffocate my feelings

darkening my soul and love of light

descending on their hateful strings

they land with nothing sincere

everything inside they devour

trampling with sharp feet

using all of their evil power

they leave me feeling completely drained

they have spread their hatred

I cant control anything anymore

the goodness has been shed

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have i tried to hard or not enough i'm never awake i'm up all the time spongeup the emotions of the room count down just a little too soon nobdy nice everwins nobody mean is truely happy how can you belive the unseen never wanted to care never wanted to know never wanted to see the light of day the worst part about sleeping is there is always another day but no other way you count on the people around you for help but they're only helping themselves you want to see clearly but your not awake losing control of your own wishes fuck the ways of life its not what its meant to be drowning out in the love of sea drowning out its free_ee

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Music of my Soul


The music of my soul sings a sweet melody of death,

The music of my soul sings a sweet melody of suicide,

The music of my soul sings a sweet melody of homicide,

The music of my soul drowns out what I’m saying,

The music of my soul says a chant of revenge,

The music of my soul is called,

My conscience!!

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