Because I'll Never Be Happy


Can I scream at you?

Can I let my hateful words penetrate your ears?

You listen, and I go on

I'll never be finished

Because I'll never be happy

Because I'm too selfish

Because I pity myself too much

Because I don't think I'm a good person

Because I have low self esteem

Because my parents loved me

Because it's unconditional

But I'll never be happy...

Maybe I don't want to be happy

Because complaining makes me feel better

Because I like getting pity

Because I want to feel special

Because that makes me happy

But I'll never be happy...

Because I'm stuck in an endless circle

Of trying to be happy

By staying unhappy

And I can't break this loop

Because I don't want to

Because I'll never be happy

Because this is my life

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Feelings cut deep

Every time I try to give

It hurts inside

When all I know is how to live

No one knows how I feel

Nobody cares for me

I hate this feeling

But it always comes back to me

You say it's my fault,

That you, I ignored.

Too bad I never knew

That I, you abored.

If you had told me (months ago)

I wouldn't have cared.

But so much time has passed,

And my feelings not spared.

Now you sit in joy,

Feeling you are free.

But what you don't feel,

Is my hate for thee

Now you know,

That I live in hate.

I dwell in darkness,

And my wrath will not abate.

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A Time For Hate

The guillotine of fate, is slowly comming down

Upon the heads of the innocent, all of whom wear frowns

Good cannot be found, throughout this evil place

Ruled by people who judge others with a smile upon their face

Ths clock is slowly ticking, fate it seems is late

As time passes inevitably, the evil humans wait

The minutes and the hours pass, more heads continue to drop

Evil has finally taken over, malevolent deeds will never stop

Author's Notes/Comments: 

this is just about all the bad shit goin on in our world, if only it'd all just fuckin leave....

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Shut Up

I don't mean any disrespect,

Just stating a fact,

Sometimes your mouth just don't stop moving,

Your voice is not soothing,

So keep your opinion to yourself,

Before I go deaf.

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I Hate


Swimming though hate,

rolling, folding, flowing.

It attacks me at every point.

I want to leave and yet don't.

I have the need for love and yet won't.

I desire the hate and embrace it.

Can't you feel my hate for you?

Hate is me and I hate you.

It flows at every false promise.

When you said "I love you", it was a lie.

For you are with someone new, and passed me by.

Your fondness must have been only in my head.

I sit here and burn with my hate.

You never feel the pain that is my fate.

My spilt blood boils thinking about you.

Every cut, every time.

My hate keeps burning, you will feel mine.

It seeps into your body.


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Tribute to Nothing (wrote it when I was very pissed)

My dad is a fucker

sometimes I wish he would die

my dad drives me crazy

because of his lies

I hate him more than anything

I hate his face, and disease he brings

I hate the way that I am treated

I wont rest until hes defeated

around him I cannot feel joy

he treats me like a puppet, his own little toy

I cant take this anymore

sometimes I wonder what I am still here for

I'm slipping into a depression

I dont like how I feel, this is my confession

I dont seem to feel any love

sometimes I wish he would just shove...

me to the floor, knock me down

so I can call the police, and leave town

I cant wait until I'm grown

but life on my own, I havent known

he is always in control

I feel like I've been living in a hole

everyday it gets harder to breath

now I have this inner need

to make him disappear somehow

I want him to leave me alone right now

I'm wishing things that just arent right

we dont go a day without a fight

I cant wait til I leave this place

and never have to see his face

I will never be like him

I'll never make others feel as dim

my children will never feel this way

things will be happy mostly everyday

he treats my mom even worse

everynight they fight and curse

when shes sore and tired from work

he yells at her, hes such a jerk

inside my head is such a force

I wish that they would get a divorce

all he does is sit on his ass

while we are slaves, and walk on glass

trying just to stay out of trouble

I do nothing wrong, but feel it double

I often feel like I've died

when my best I have tried

and he tells me its not good enough

everyday life gets a little more tough

and he is so selfish

wants everything in a golden dish

while we scrape what we have off the plastic

sometimes he makes me so sick

we are all bullied into giving in

theres no way that we can win

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I hate you

I hate the way

You’re cheerful all the time

And how you find it odd

I can’t make a happy rhyme

That I’m not happy all the time

Well I’m sorry

I’m not writing to please you!

I’m writing what I want to!

And I hate you

I hate how you look down upon

All those pretty models

You say

They’re way too thin

That’s easy for you

You already are

And I hate you

I hate when you try to make me optimistic

It only makes my stomach sick

I hate it when you tell me

My fetishes are gross

You only think so

Because you don’t have any

And ask me for my grades

So you can show me what a loser I am

Standing next to YOU

Basking in your SWEET PERFECTION

Of a summer day

Were crystal shards of light fly by

And I know

It’s All you

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Author’s note: (deticated to: Susannah)Originally the ending was supposed to mean that it was her, as in her fault that I hated her. Not just me hating everyone. But it sounds more like I think she is my light. I don’t care how it’s interpreted. She’s one of my best friends, either way fits.

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Hating Me, Hating You


revised: 9/18/08

Have I ever told you

That I hate you?

Well I swear it’s time

I have forever

And the only joy I get from life

Is watching you suffer

But no near as much

As I do every day

Because of you

Sometimes I wish I could hurt you

Half as much as you do me

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Deticated to: Bethany, my best freind

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Hoping for death..

In this hopeless moment, looking for atonement, I take my gun and cock it, hollow point bullet resting in its chamber, cold steele pressed against my palm.. you’d think I was playing, maybe even just saying.. "I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna pull the trigger and blow my head off!", cause I'm ticked off, and I'll be found dead any minute now in my 2nd story loft with my head shot off, and no one will care why I did it..

Can’t you see it’s my pain driving me to this madness, and the world rejoices of my wounding sadness.. Madness prevails!  

I’m hated in this life, life loathes my existence, and death lifts it's glass to the air and toasts, and smiles, and loudly boasts, of my demise and my lifes' trials.

I tried hanging myself, taking pills from my bathroom shelf, the pain digs deep in me, and there’s no reason to drag this on. You see? I’m praying tonight, for the cold grip of death. I have no more life left, no more time left.  

I’m burdened each day, and no where to run. I go into my closet to pull out my gun, cock the fucker like I did last time (it was fun), this time with a bottle of tequila and rum.

Something’s not right, I usually don’t cuss, but this world’s got me all fucked up, but still I blush.

Don’t try to make anything of it, just come pull the trigger for me, we'll call it even. Wipe your fingerprints clean, and drop the gun on the carpet.

Shot to the head, oh here we go again.. Body falls, hit's the ground, I've fallen down, never to get up.

Dead, lifeless, last breath leaves my lips, death makes me sick and the world still turns, the sun still sets, and the wind blows softly to kiss my blood red lips.

Death as I hoped it would come, came quick.

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