Volume One






I'm becoming the monster I sought to be

and it's scaring me

I can't stop the urge

it's to much for me to handle

my life is just one big scandal

power to the freaks;

god bless the geeks

outcast's wearing our fucked up masks

fighting Society

that is fucking with our privacy

suck my dick, and like it

I am the monster born

taking on an all new form

thundering down on you like a storm


call me what you will

because when I am done, you'll feel

all my hate, all my rage

I'll trap you in your own fucking cage

stabbing you with the sticks

that condemned us you fucking pricks

Kill the damn dicks

I lost all my humanity

Next to go is my sanity

I'll give them something to label

I wont rest till its on cable


"De-flowered girl, on Jesus's table"


This is just the beginning

God will reject me for sinning

but I don't give a shit, can you tell?

I'm already living in hell

we are the damned

our life they scammed

Its our Time

spawned from God's crime





Author's Notes/Comments: 

This was one of many dark poems I've written in the past, I would probably do a tribute to my Morbid Device's collection. (A whole another story in itself) But yes, as I mentioned I was going through a rather disturbing time in my life when I wrote this piece.


(Updated; From Psycho- Confessions)

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I hate you

I hate the way you laugh

I hate the way you look

I hate the way you walk

I hate the way we never talk.

I hate the way you just stare

I hate this new you.

We never talk anymore what's

happend to you?

I hate how you aren't any fun now

What has she done to you?!

I hate the way you wait on her

hand and foot

I hate how we can never talk

I hate how you made me laugh

I hate how you make me cry

I hate how we never walk toghether anymore

I hate how you make me feel like this

I hate how you make me feel so bad

I hate you

I hate your big beatiful eyes

I hate your cute face

I hate your sweet voice

I hate how funny you always were

But most of all I hate that I hate you like this

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"Shallow"   11 - 27 - 02

look at you

a hollow being

those you follow are

blind in their seeing

judging by looks

and a glance

you never gave

that boy a chance

all your values

and your worths

are judged by views

of a shallow jerk

look at the pain

you cause that kid

making in vain

his failures and shame

open your eyes

stop this cruelty

it is his demise

you fuel...

don't you see?

Author's Notes/Comments: 

some ppl just don't know how far words can go....

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To Timmy: (Part II)



No mater how much I ihate you,

I love what you do for Sarah.

She loves you,

And is happy with you.

That is why you are still alive.

You had better realize how lucky you are,

How lucky to have her,

How lucky to still be alive,

How lucky to still have your balls,

How lucky you are.


Sarah loves you,

Hurt her,

And belive me,

You will be hurting,

She won't stop me.

If you hurt her,

You will die,

If she hates me after that,

So be it,

But I will hate myself if I don't do something...


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"Sunday"   12 - 1 - 02

i awoke in bed

to a bright light

i closed my eyes

wanting no sight

eating my food

but it didn't stay

i have a hole

created on this day

i went to church

a forked tongue man

i listened and laughed

at God's 'supposed' plan

i lost my job

i'm worthless, too

and guess why

because of the flu

i lost one dear

and close to me

all because of

this day in the week...

what else can i say?

I so dislike this fucking day.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

on june 25th, 2000, my brother comitted suicide... a sunday.

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To Timmy:


T- is for two-faced

I- is for incompitent

M- is for malicious

M- is for meat-ball

Y- is for yellow

I want to masticate and casterate that bastard (excuse my language). But I wont masticate or casterate him. Why? Because Sarah loves him.And she is a wonderful person, I lve her and I wont hurt her. So Timmy...


Author's Notes/Comments: 

the poem explains itself!

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F*ck is a word,

A strong one.

Sometimes used against people,

Sometimes used against pain.

So in a conclusion,

I say this,

F*ck me,

F*ck you,

F*ck everyone in this damn system,

F*ck if I can’t spell,

F*ck the dill holes,

F*ck the pill holes,

F*ck the doctors,

f*ck society,


Fck everyone who cares,

Cares at all.

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Loss sears the soul,

Sorrow takes a toll,

The wound is too deep.

Pain wants to stay,

Warmth ripped away,

Reality goes to sleep.

Gone are the fears,

Dry are the tears,

Love has been forsaken.

Emotions are bled,

The Hate is fed,

The demons reawaken.

Wrath comes unbound,

Victims are found,

The Hate takes a turn.

Plead to forgive,

They just want to live,

They scream as they burn.

The crushing blow,

They will never know,

Brings them to the ground.

Behind the shades,

The light fades,

Escape finally found.

Another comes along,

Singing a peaceful song,

Living without a care.

Shaken from the dream,

Taught how to scream,

Learning true despair.

And when they go,

Another will know,

No way to defend.

Without the stains,

The pain remains,

The cycle cannot end.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

written 10/16/02. Disclaimer: this in no way reflects how I feel. I came up with the second stanza first and just wrote what sounded good around it. The poem creeps even me out.

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Unwanted Love


that feeling, of your hand upon my face.

when you touch me, in that sick embrace

how it sickens me to hear you say you love me

now that you know perhaps you'll see

don't touch me it burns my skin

don't love me i don't need your sin.

i loathe you just stay outta my life

good bye now. i need no more strife.


i just can dstand the way you try to love me

the more you try to more it makes me angry

just leave now, i never liked you either way

bye bye now you better go before you pay.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I wa sina relationship and i didn't love the person it was a HUGE waste of time. and everytime that perosn tried to get close i got a sick feeling.

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