Hate

Hate....or not

you kept walking

when i wasnt finished talking

you say you hate me all the time

what did i do that was such a crime?

would you like to explain?

since you put me through so much pain

you say its all bout you

but really you have no clue

you know wuts really low?

the day you called my a f***** hoe

why do you like to talk bout me behind my back?

respect is something you lack

i'm right here jus say it to my face

oh wait, i forgot your a disgrace

you talk talk and talk no action

when it was my turn, you shoulda saw your reaction

why are u so scared?

is it cuz you said "no one cares?"

well guess wut? no one does

so leave me alone and how i was

all you do is blame

i find that very lame

you say ur emotions are uncontrolled

jus stop cuz that gets really old

you say sorry so many times i lost count

all i kno is it added to a big amount

i WAS nice and u gave me the 3rd degree

is that how ur gonna reapay me?

well its my turn to yell

how does it feel for me to say burn in hell?

now you kno how i feel

you better believe this is real

grow some balls and admit it

or do wut ur good at, talk ur s***

go ahead and choose

you have nuttin to lose

you needa stop hating

and come up to me, i've been waiting

if you talkin to me means fear

then leave me alone and disappear

this is the end

you jus lost a friend

~CRISTINA~

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A Nightmare

I can't stand living anymore.

Everyone's closed that once open door.

No longer do I get flattered

Instead my heart gets shattered.

It all drops to the floor

And no one stops to pick it up anymore.

Not one single person cares

It's like I'm living a nightmare.

Where I just want to wake up.

But I don't dare.

In fear of if i do,

I'll find it's all true

That you really hate me

But I still love you.


Author's Notes/Comments: 

Not an emotion I've felt but it just happened to turn out that way.

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Unbreakable

Folder: 
2004

You'll never see me cry again

These tears have turned to stone

I'll never share my pain again

I'm unbreakable



Lonliness will never hurt me

Thoughts of you are gone forever

Don't ever say you love me

I'm unbreakable



Each night is an eternity

A starless black abyss

But I can last this eternity

I'm unbreakable



The heavens can cry forever

I'll catch the tears myself

And cradle them forever

I'm unbreakable



You can call me a liar

The truth just hurts me more

So for now I'll stay a liar

I am breakable...

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I'd rather not say what inspired this...

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Refund



I'm not praying for you

Nor am I praying for me

I ask god for favors

To improve existence



Because if you're honest

And you take a look around

You can realize agony

Though I know why you choose to not



Because you are so weak

Not in body, but in mind

You may be able to kill me

But I have seen all there is to see



And you just show off for your friends

Your words send me into silence

Though in my absence of speech

I desperately wish for your departure



Because you are the muscle head

The fool with quite the ego

And seeing your contorted face

My mood plummets even further



And I blame it upon you

Because it is at your effort

Why do you construct this pain?

I guess it is your desire



To cause me to bore hatred

And to wish for the touch of death

For I would quickly end your reign

And I would feel no fucking remorse



I'd piss upon your blistered corpse

And set it aflame, watch it burn

I would feel satisfaction

And then simply turn, and walk away.



END


Author's Notes/Comments: 

I hate the ignorant teenagers that roam the Earth, looking for a reason to be assholes.

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Mother Dear

With hateful comtempt I love her

She asks, probs, and questions me

Biting my tongue, her voice I do endure

She buzz's about, and harasses me

to the extent, and worse than a bee

I try to run,

I try to hide,

Hopefully as far as London

My feelings for her are like the tide

They rise and fall

Several times a day

Fighting with her is like running into a wall

She doesn't give, even when I yell, "Okay!"

She is the one that smothers me

And tries to keep me close at home

As if she's trying to kill my personality!

Last week she even tried to comb

What she calls a "Rat's nest"

Which in fact is my stylish hair

She nags, without rest

I know she does this, 'cause she really does care

But I wish she'd quit acting, just like a bear

The reason for the smothering

Is because she's doing her mothering

And although I want to hop on a train

And ease my brain

She is my mother

And I really do love her

Though this I could never say

So I'll wait for another day...


Author's Notes/Comments: 

My relationship with my mom...

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Connie Denise Murphy

In the begining, you treated me wrong
after forgiveness, you promised to change
As we both know, that you didn't last long
Why did I believe something so fucking strange?
   You told little lies all the time
   thinking I would never find out
   Well bitch, I've uncovered your crime
   Now let's see what you're really about
You claimed you were honest and mature
I guess maybe you forgot to say
that you were also heartless and insecure
and that you would fuck me over one day
   It's funny how you left out that part
   AS you lied straight to my face
   You made me believe that you had a real heart
   Oh, but I know now, that is NOT the case
I treated you like gold
while you treated me like shit
The truth you never told,
but now, it's too late for it
   I just don't see why you would
   fuck me over quite like this
   Did I not do something I should?
   Was there something I missed?
I was better to you than anyone before
and treated you better than anyone could,
but now I'm walking out of the door
Good luck finding someone half as fucking good
   I need not to remind you of what you once had
   You already know in your heart how great I am
   If you want another chance, that's too bad
   Quite frankly, I just don't give a damn
Jesus Christ, Connie! You don't deserve me!
Be taken advantage of and be used
and maybe then will you see
how bad it hurts to have your feelings abused
   Connie, I can never respect you again
   and rememeber that we will never be
   what we once had been
   You don't deserve that from me
As a matter of fact...
You don't deserve my thoughts or my time
And come to think of it,
You don't even deserve the WORDS that are in this rhyme
   Simply put, you can't be trusted for shit
   You are a LIAR and a CHEATER, too
   I won't forgive you for any of it
   You deserve to have it done to you
And to think, this would have been the REAL romance
that you said you've been waiting for,
but you went off and took a chance
Now a chance with me you have no more

- December 11 / 2003
  
 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Of course, this is dedicated to Connie D. Murphy. To see how this started, read "3 Days"

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Hate and all...

You hate it all, I hate you too.

I walk into the room and you tear me down,

I'm crushed, I cry, do you see this frown?

I find there's nothing I can do.



You blame it all, I blame you too.

I can't take the way you scream at me,

Are you trying to kill this family?

I find there's nothing I can do.



You fake it all, I fake it too.

Do you really have that much disgust in me?

Do you want to see me cut and bleed?

I find there's nothing I can do.



You can't see at all, I can't see too.

I can't see the heart, I once saw in you,

How much more do you beg of me?

What more do you even need?



Here I am, hate and all,

I'll blame you when, I finally fall,

And til' this day, I could not see,

The person I was suppose to be.

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Just About As Bad As Me

Folder: 
My thoughts

you say i am nothing but touble

You say i am not too good

You think you see the truth

But what you see is you

You think you are better than me

You think i am everything you see

But someday when you are on bended knee

You will see that you are

just about as bad as me

I hate all of your fuckin lies

I hate all the rumours you spread

I hate it when you criticize,

I hate it when you skrew with my head

You think you are better than me

You think that i am everything you see

But someday when youre on bended knee,

You will see that you are just about as bad as me.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

i dont know....think about it.

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Bleeding Love

I admired you from afar

I loved you forever

I had my heart set on you

Then one day you told me you loved me

I believed you

And once we got so far, we couldn't turn back.

You broke my heart.

You lied.

You took my pride and shoved it down my throat.

I choked on your love.

You poisoned me.

You killed my love, my spirit.

Now as I look in the mirror

I see the red scars from your love

Or, what I thought was love.

How could you         me so?

I thought you loved me,

I thought you cared.

I thought you would always be there when I needed you.

But I guess I thought wrong.

My life has since been trashed, chopped up, spit on and frowned upon.

Look at what you did to me--don't you care?

If you don't, that's one more soul you killed by your scarring love.

Or, what I thought was love.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

This was based on my first and only relationship. The guy I went out with for exactly 1 month had dated so many of my friends it's not even funny. But our relationship went bad after about 2 weeks and he did      , tried stealing alcohol from my house, smoked in front of me, tried to get me to get high and drunk with him and told me one night that if he was with me we'd be having    . I was only 13 and he was 15. So he broke up with me for no reason and this poem was written in light of it, even though this is not how everything happened.

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