Failure

Empty

The empty space is what fills the hole inside my heart. Funny how others success brings me down to a beaten level where I wander forever aimlessly on the paths inside my brain. I doubt everything I’ve ever done and everything I do because what am I worth, what am I even needed for if I can’t even tell the success story of any of those who matter.


I’ve become a dementor of sorts, but rather than suck the positivity out of them, I wrap my mouth around my heart as it weeps the blood that once motivated. I viciously suck it out with every gasping breath. I don’t want to live a life of being told by others what someone I love has done. Don’t think I want pity for knowing there is not even presence in my absence. If the one who succeeds understands my helpless cries of devotion, then they alone should know each song that will need to be whispered in my ear to stop making me feel like the empty bottles in the road that get run over and burst, eventually flattened into useless trash.


I had a dream last night
That I needed you
As I do every day
Funny thing is
That this time
You tried to pull away. 

I Sometimes Fear

I somtimes fear
and by sometimes i mean often
that I'm full of crap
that i'm not working hard enough
that even if i'm as talented as I imagine myself
which I'm sure I'm not
that talent is one of many things i need
and I don't have the others

A Dreamer Deferred

What happens to A Dreamer Deferred?

 

Do they live in a constant state of fear
Like a criminal who committed a crime ?
Or go off like a bomb

in the space of time?

Does it kill them to know that life isn't fair?
Or does it push one to the verge
of despair?

 

Maybe it just cuts
like a knife.

 

Or does it end a life?

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Langston Hughes poem A Dream Deferred, inspired to write my version of A Dreamer Deferred and it basically runs through the trials of how a person deteriorates when their dreams do not come true. Summing up all their thoughts, I might revise it but I kind of like it.

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Stumblin'

Cooked up a destiny,
not meant for me
The plate was full
but my lips were sealed inwardly
Dreams became practical through life, blasphemy!
talking flexibility,
i'll work you intellectually
The complexity of the brains design,
intricately connected to the spine
Tolerating the intricacy of my lines,
as if they aren’t mine
but well defined by the signs that you read between,
formed and shaped in His image,
long live the king
so let it simmer, sizzle even.
imploding your insides with gestures of corruption,
but He flicked the switch to reveal blessings
so the indigestion is just an expression
of another lesson being brought to birth, non-rehearsed
see me now
you wanna be's, cold cocked trial diggers, stone throwers,
so judge me not; unless u be judged
I was guilty before the good Lord
but His blood washed away the evidence
to bring us to the first fruits
like Obama being the first black president
the revealing of my faith is evident.
unblemished, non stick, teflon
so all opposition gets the rug treatment,
stepped on!
no leant removal.
left alone, flagrant foul.
change your angle,
before your casket bound
6 feet deep is a long way down
so don't fall victim to the flames that prey around
I see the tears,
it hurt huh? stool cushion
I take Curtis Mayfield advice and keep on pushin'
induced transformation;
so leave your tool kit and stretch yourself
take the road less traveled
to put some trophies on the shelf
case closed,
ring finger filled;
time to tell the testimony, King James!
So point and shoot with grudging accuracy,
prolific mastery
ur throwed by kinetic friction
of the sablimenary contusion of confusion
now catch yourself, you still stumblin.
there's no rest for wicked,
quick to shed blood
Tiny Tim cruel, flim spitter
Donald Duck slow, you da da done!
stop trying,
you haven't figured;
I'm brick house stable
Hurricane Katrina couldn't break through my demeanor
I'm prayer ready,
faith faded, trim cleaned
i've done my business,
automatic flush sequence
but the drain can't dispose of my lush pieces,
because I've seen heard
and touched Jesus,
now sue your sacrificial seed
and break the shell,
lift your hands
and praise now!

By: David Johnson & Jeremy Baker

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Jeremy and I play a game called word play and this is what we came up with. He does a line, then I do a line and we keep going till we feel we're done. Enjoy!

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Failure Is Not An Option

I will not bend

I will not break

I will push forward

I will survive

I will not fail

Failure is not a word it is a feeling

This feeling will not apply to me

With one step at a time I will conquer

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Lead

When heart warming thoughts leave behind lukewarm blood,
to walk home through the veins alone.
And how the soldiers kept warm, by cupping bullets like mud,
In their palms surrounded by bone.
Bullets that aimed, but landed in snow,
on the nights that the winter kissed.
Taunting and haunting that lead that was so,
surrounded by flesh that it missed.
Hugged by failure, tucked with regret,
the ammo most certainly would cry.
Wishing and hoping with its dense metal heart,
that he could have felt a grown man die.

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Zakary *my baby brother*

Not a day goes by that I don’t think of you.
I think and wonder to myself-
Would it be different?
Would it be different if I would have stayed?
Could you have stayed around a while longer with me in the picture?
Damn it! I wish I would’ve stayed with you. Stuck it out a while longer instead of running!
You need to know -
That you were the one and only reason I stayed for as long as I did!
And I would still be there today if my mom didn’t come and get me.
For the year and a half that were together for, I grew closer to you then anyone could have ever expected!
Probably because I raised you the whole time I was there besides when I was in school.
Besides buying the major necessities like bills, etc.
I always took you out.
We danced together, and sang with each other. Even tho u were about 3 at the time you memorized songs the first time you were to hear it.
I hope you don’t think I abandoned you!
I was only 14! Last year I had a car and I so badly wanted to see you, and lil’ Natasha.
I was ready for the trip
But then I found out you two were in a foster home!!
And dad told me they wanted to adopt you guys.
BUT THEY CAN’T
NO! That was my dream!
When I was able to get my own place, and money, I was gonna be your hero, and take you far, far away with me!
I should have this right.
For God sakes I’m your biological sister.
I was there for you when I was there!
You hung out with me and my friends, you were our little buddy.
3 years old and you had so much knowledge you had no right to experience!
Every time I hear our song “Sometimes” by Britney Spears.
I just wanna break down and cry! That was our song!!
It meant so much to the both of us!
You sang it so perfectly
Like my little Angel!
Cause that's what you were.
And now that 4 years have passed I'm gonna get you back!
I saved you once before and God as my witness I swear I’ll do it Again but this time with our baby sister!
Love always and forever
Ame

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I had to put into words what i feel about my lil' brother cause i can't stop thinking about him. I miss him and i feel that i had failed him. And there's way i'll be able to see him again.. he's been adopted out along with our sister who i never met..
Written October 26th, 2005

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The Attempted Escape

The Attempted Escape

Bolting towards the open feilds trying to elude its grasp
Running wildly past the trees attempting to resist its painful clasp
Hoping it wont capture me as I race through the night
Carelessly leaving a trail; keeping me in its line of sight
Glancing back; seeing it is still on my tail
Realizing that it would take my mind and eventually prevail
Exhausted and now staggering, I cannot run anymore
Losing my will to resist, quickly hitting the dirt floor
My mind is now invaded and my thoughts now forgone
Being dragged back with it, failing to have pressed on

Author's Notes/Comments: 

HOLY HELL

All Part Of The Plan . . smh

Folder: 
Random Poems

Yea im doing shit ppls thought I couldn't do ; breaking there solid thoughts & ignoring there sense of view ; & even if I point them out man they still won't have a clue ; cuz I was expected to fail and only believed by few ; congratulating my success stfu I see right through ; fake smile me all u want but I ensure ur words are long overdue ; like dam u must gotta addiction to wanting people to meet with disaster ; but I guess I shouldnt blame or judge u for even the matter ; since we was all raised in the environment where failing was da only thing that seemed to mattered ; like it was favored becuz to you that meant shit was going as plan ; U got used to seeing failure during the course of your lifespan ; like I needed to get a kid & a G.E.D to be considered a man ; & if I'm constantly disrespectful then sure yea u understand ; blaming ppls like u for my life yea ikno ; part of the plan ; smh. . like dam ; . . . dam ; . . .dam

Author's Notes/Comments: 

ehh

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