Decisions

4ever gone

the card was cute,

but so wat,

i aint no damn flute.

im not no sweet song,

sorry u got it all wrong.

think im gonna let u run into my life n w time u want?

i'm not!

no more chances.

u gone, enhances my life.

ur the 1 that messed up.

u were a bad mother and wife.

what makes u think i want u in my life?

just because u had me,

doesnt mean i gotta b,

b there when ur lonely.

ur hungry for socialization,

but me, im to busy wit my education.

i aint worried about u.

truthfully, i'd rather have the flu.

life w/o u is so perfect.

wat? u thought it would b worst.

haha, wouldnt that b a first!

shoot, ur gonna make me burst.

right now im not gonna lie,

if u were to just die,

dont expext me to cry.

im not gona b sad,

but that dont mean i'll be glad.

i'll just ignore it.

it'll b like we never met.

wanna bet?

plz just leave me alone.

to me ur 4 eva gone


Author's Notes/Comments: 

i wrote this to my om its a long story why

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Abstinence

Folder: 
Self harm/Suicide

4-22-04



I don't want to cut myself

But to me it seems so hard

It's been so many years

Of bad habits

Of masochism

Of finding release in the

Most awkward places

And the blade has been my

Only, lonely friend

For so dam long

And the blood, I can still

Taste

It on my tender tongue

Metal and sin

It's so hard to abstain

I can just close my eyes

See it drip, drip, dripping,

It drives me insane

For a release

Like you've never felt

It takes me away

On a sea of blood

In the Hills of Tranquility

Author's Notes/Comments: 

You can abstain from many diffrent things. This poem is about the struggle I am endouring trying to give up something dear, and comfortable to me, something that is all I've ever known. Self Mutilation.

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Dark phantoms

Dark phantoms chase me,

Over a nightmare landscape,

Depression flies with clawed wings,

Towards me never faltering,

You and I had a cold and twisted love,

I feel completely and utterly alone,

Even when surrounded with others,

I want and desire to be loved for me,

Just as badly as I need to breathe,

I need you so to be there for me,

I won’t back down not again,

Should I give love a chance again?,

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(Untitled IV)

(Dedicated to Tony Borders and Jessica Hawkins)



Before things go any further,

before the decision is made,

before you make your choice,

before your price is paid,

there's something I want you to know.

Something I want to say;

I love my friends as my family

and I love you in the same way.

Now, I know your decision isn't easy.

In fact, it may be the hardest thing you do;

but I want you to know you're not alone.

The guys and I are in this with you.

We know this will test your beliefs,

your heart, your soul, and your biggest fear.

Just remember, don't call upon us to help

because we're already here.

We all feel the same way

and we want you to understand

that no matter what you two decide

we'll always be there with a helping hand.



         - May 14/ 2002

Author's Notes/Comments: 

This is for two of my close friends as they thought about abortion. Aiden Tyler Borders was born December 2002

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if you have to

Folder: 
Somewhat poems

Your not gentle

or even subtle

can you feel my need for your presence

Quietly I mutter your death

into my pillow

      screaming quietly

letting my mind go

into psychotic words

and feelings

my feelings aren’t like yours

Let me go..

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Sweet AND Sour Pickles

Folder: 
Friends

Of mushroom of foil

so elegant and royal

falling down the tunnel

sand running through a funnel

memorable and soft

up in the loft

teasing tickles

sweet AND sour pickles

and they sing and dance

they sway in delightfull trance

and then the msuic stops

the curtain suddenly drops

the screams do fill the air

the sound of cruel dispair.

but even villain's have hearts

using mind skills as arts

and ladybug fly away home

not every road leads to rome.

the ones that do

will test you true

and the apple falls close to the tree

the sins slither through adam OR eve.

and poisen intoxicates minds

it's more than one cares to find.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

wrote this spur of the mo, while talking to ashamaly on msn, i actually ytped it to her all at once. lol, yay!

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I can't go on

Folder: 
Sorrow

I can't go on like this.

I'm slowly falling once again.

No one can save me, not even myself.

I'm sorry but this life isn't for me.

This isn't where I'm supposed to be.

There's gotta be something better.

Life isn't supposed to be like this.

So I say I can't go on like this.

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Die Trying For You

Folder: 
*~ My Mother ~*

January 23rd, 2004



Doesn’t

Involve

Eternal Love



Trying

Responsibility for

Your

Intuition for

Not

Going away



Forever

On your

Return



You

Omit

Understanding

Author's Notes/Comments: 

My mom moved and pratically ran away on me and my sister for the third time

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Believe

You called me one night crying

And said you were sick of trying

I didn’t understand it then, but I do now

So I’ll try and help you the only way I know how

But I also heard in your voice a cry

That told me you wanted to die

And I knew I couldn’t let you go

So now I just have to let you know

You’re the greatest friend I could ever find

And I’m sorry that sometimes I can be blind

And put you off and look away

When I think you have something stupid to say

But I just want you to always believe

That any goal you set, you can achieve

Because deep inside you’re a good person

And you can help your life not worsen

If you just believe in yourself and friends

You will be fine till this trouble ends

So when I hung up that phone I knew it was good

And you would only do the thing you knew you should

Which was to go on with your life and just live it

It wasn’t worth all the trouble to just up and quit

So I’m glad that I could help you believe

And I know for awhile you will have to grieve

Because what you went through was hard

And deep down inside you are eternally scarred

Now the phone is hung up and I’ve said goodbye

Deep down I’m praising that you didn’t die.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I wrote this poem for one of my friends who wanted to kill herself. Lets just say it helped...alot.

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