The Reasons

The blinding-

blaring headlights in the window- that was the reason
The reason why I broke away from your embrace
Why I smeared the lipstick stains from my face-
Slammed my finger to your lips-
Wishing you didn't exist.
The reason why I whispered and pleaded for your silence.
For this scene soon turn violent-
As she parks the car.

The way she gathers my sons-
Hand to hand, stroking their blushing cheeks; light kisses upon their foreheads-

reassurance of unity-
That was the reason.
The reason why I pushed you to the floor-
Regretting our conversations -
You weren't worth the humiliation as you continue to grab for my attention.

The age progressing photos
Of my children shattered on the dwellings.

The eyes of my offspring-

their hands, ears, lungs, hearts and the oxygen they breathe- these are the reasons.
The reason why I warned you to leave before my commitment entered our abode. 
You start to resist as I ball up my fist-
Tension and silence result into violence.
I strike you once.
Erasing all of the broken promises- discrete gestures.
Subtle smiles.
Faint touches.
Reluctant stares.
Your screams-
Only make me angry.
"I told you to shut up."
As I grasp your neck.

Her smile as she caresses the gentle heads of my children.
The way she grabbed my hand while saying her vows.

That stare she gives when waking up by my side. That twinkle.
That twinkle is the reason.
The reason why I didn't stop when you gasped for air. 
The realization that she might leave-
Tighten my grip.
The footsteps of my children- light but pounding-
Mirror my heart beat.
Their little voices screaming my name- 
The reason why-
The reason why you'll never be found.
A mistress that I've had my all.
Just a memory.
Never to be thought of again.
As I enjoy my reasons-
The reasons why you no longer exist. 

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I thought I at least had her in this forsaken ghetto
Turns out she's been going out with my friend cuz I found a condom below her stilettos
What did I do to deserve this?
I thought our love was a bliss
Now I know she never meant not one kiss
On our past photos I fkn piss
All the wasted time on this bitch
I want to burn on her on a stake like a witch
 I'm tossing and turning in my bed
Repressed memories unleashed in my head
The only thing that can fix this is loaded 40 against my head 
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she talks about passwords
she loves to discuss dog turds
how she gets all perturbed
with how she used words
honestly she could care less
her close relationships are a mess
lies with no distress

claims to be a healer
master bullshit dealer
sits high upon her pillar
sold her dad for a dollar
on her mom puts a collar
the truth is never hollered
she knows she is a coward

hurting men is her game
she knows who to blame
to her it's all the same
could be next on her list
or a just a finger on her fist
words and mind she will twist
happiness will be missed

"I'll take that and that too."
like it's all that she can do
I am the latest prisoner
so I better listen to her
do what I am told
or I will be scold
but I am too old
how much longer can I hold?

she chases down
and finds the clown
and makes him frown
her mind is broken
a crack token
don't buy what she's smokin
she's knows and is lookin
for her next victim
to blame
for the pain

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Just musing off of another poet in here... Should I write more?

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OK, here was my nightmare:

I was in this house that had a basement and in the basement were stairs that led to an attic like place. The basment was haunted and so scary. I was terrified to even be next to the basement door. I followed this old lady down into the basment and up these stairs into the attic. There was a living room there with two couches and two chairs. I sat up there with the old lady and all of a sudden I felt a cut on my cheek and instead of the blood running down my cheek it ran up my cheek and the old lady was like "Oh they got you too, it happens to me all the time."

Then my mom and three other old people came up there with us and sat down. They said they wanted to play a game and they all pulled out guns and started shooting eachother. Then this HUGE black dude came upstairs with a GIANT ax and chopped the old dude sitting in the chair next to me in half! I screamed and ran out this door which lead to this hill outside.

As I ran out there were tons of people following me, running in fear too. Jeff was there as well. I finally went back to the basement and discovered that my mom was missing an arm and it was all bloody as hell. There were nurses there and they were making us stick out hands in this jar-like thing full of bullet ants. It hurt but they said it was for our own good. When we got back into the house I walked into the bed room and discovered Jeff in bed with a 15 year old. He said he had been cheating on me with her for 6 months. I started to cry and beg to him telling him that I loved him so much no matter what he did. And he got pissed and this teenager, who was his friend in my dream, started telling him that I was a bitch and he should kill me.

Then there was gun fire coming from everywhere and everyone started running and I could see Jeff and that teenager coming after me with a gun. Then Jeff shot me in the back. I finally got away from him and met this woman who took me to this other woman's house where she said she could fix my wound. So she did but I was still scared shitless.

Then all of a sudden all those people came into the house and were still running around like chickens with their heads cut off. I saw Jeff and the teenager and hid under these stairs, my heart was pounding. Then Jeff and the teenager saw me and Jeff poitned the gun right at me and I kept saying "why are you doing this? I love you so much please don't do this!" Then he shot me in the head and I fell to the floor but I was still alive. I played dead untill he was gone, or so I thought. When I got up he saw me and ran towards me and held the gun to my face. I broke down. And cried and cried and cried, and begged for my life and I kept telling him "I love you, please don't kill me, I Love You.".Then there was a struggle. Then I hear "BANG!!!" That's when I woke up.

It all seemed so real too. I never want to have that dream ever again!

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Slip *(explicit).

The covers hide more than your advances,
the shapes moving and sliding,
grunts and moans escaping,
writhing between eachother
like some freakishly white
wrinkled monster in my bed.
I sit there watching,
waiting for you to finish
before you realise I was there
watching by the bed as you
tore my heart and soul out
and poured it down her throat
and in her cunt instead.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Sorry this is pure fiction but alas it came from somewhere as a finished write word after word fell down to freakishly write this sheet...

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You said it yourself, "Words don't mean a thing. It's actions I need to see."
If I could only show you the way that you showed me…

I'd need to take the I love you's away.
I'd need you to promise forever, without knowing I'd ever stay.
I'd sleep with you every night, and break up with you every day.
I'd tell my family you're crazy for getting upset about things.
I'd yell if you hate my friends that say they fuck me in their dreams.
I'd punch you in the face if you ever accuse me of anything.

Last, but not least, I'll mail you back your ring.
I'll leave you voicemails, with no way to contact me.
The reason- "I changed my mind about sex, it's a sin."
That's what I'll email you in a month, and to let you know I fucked my best friend.
Tara, you don't deserve the details. It doesn't matter, I'm never talking to you again.

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I can still taste the grape juice from your lips.
I know every night he tastes it too.
Don't preach to me about salvation,
after he curls up and feels the insides of you.

Your God is synthetic.
Their lies are pathetic.
Intolerance isn't prophetic,
and true love isn't heretic.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

1. This is not meant to offend anyone's views.
2. This is my first poem.

Correct Me If I'm Right...


Correct me if I am right,
You can into my life like a thief in the night
Sweeping me off my feet
Drowning me in the sheer essence of love
As you allowed me to get lost in you
I open up my world to you
As you showed me things
My heart as never seen
Only love given as a perfect dream
As we danced the sun rose
High in the sky
Damn you left me floating high
With smile so big
It could be seen from miles away

Yes, please correct me if I am right
We pledged our love before Christ
We said our vows from the heart
We exchanged our rings
We kissed and i throw the bouquet
We danced all night with our family and friends
We tool thousands of pictures
To remember this very special day

So what do i do now when i see you with her
In the arms of another woman
Correct me if I am right
You pledged you love to me unconditionally
So how am I to react
When I see the man I choose to love
Flirting and carrying on with another woman
Just looking at you and her
Makes me wish I was dead
As I stand here with my heart in my hand
I never thought this day would come
To catch the man i love Cheating

Correct me if I am right
Out of your mouth you said it would never happen
Well what the hell is this i see
Oh hell no, you just kissed her
Let me pull up a seat
Because I want you to see my face
When you realize your busted
When you know my trust has been broken
I don't want you to try and deny this
Trust me I am not going to make a seen
Oh no, not just yet...

I told myself it was too good to be true
But I gave myself to you
Took cake of you because I loved you
And you played me like a fool
Oh waiter can I order please
Yes, I would like a Remy on the rocks
And could you make it a double
By the way could you send
Your best Champaign over to
My husband and his mistress
Please attach this note for me
"I am going to love my Alimony"
Signed you wife, Enjoy!!
Now look up and to the right
Smile and wave
Cause your busted

Correct me if I am right
There is no need for you to return home
Cause you want be sleeping in my bed
You want be making love to me any more
And you damn sure want be filling my head with bull
Cause I don't ever care to hear it
I was a good loving wife to you
Hell I put you two children through school
And do you think i want you back
After you been with her
Hell I'll fuck my self before i lay down with you
I hope she was worth it
Because you have truly lost it
The house is in my name
And it will be up for Auction
Come first thing in the morning
So will your Benz
So I hope the bitch got cab fare
Or some comfortable shoes
Cause yall will be walking tonight
I just had the car towed
Lmao!! isn't this some funny shit

Correct me if I am right
You thought your ass was a player
Sorry to bust your bubble
But you just got played
So don't come trying to raise hell with me
You can just charge it to the game..

(c) 2012 cassandra Evolutionsofpoetry covington

When it Backfired

My Personal Faves

This sour bitter taste; I'm sick
my head it rots
For here now festers
all-consuming anger, STOP

Ignore me dear? I get your point --
she's yours; I'm not.
So when you kissed me those 3 times
guess you forgot?

Well then don't glance at me.
don't smile, don't laugh, don't KNOW
And leave your dimples home
your soul I won't see show.

So Irritating how I've done this
to myself
My own worst enemy
to quote my mother's wealth

And so what drives these stupid choices?
ask again
I can't admit my desperate stance
to any friend

Am I not smart? Or kind?
Not worthy, funny, cool?
Should I be prettier? Dress nicer?
Break less rules?

This loneliness; it's stalking
silently behind
a shadow darkening
and messing with my mind

Author's Notes/Comments: 

If you're reading this, subject of the poem, ignore it again. Thx.

See also: "I'm not Yours"

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