cheating

Of A Woman Named Rain

Eyes closed.

 

The distant sound of lazy, rolling waves caresses your ears. You're no stranger to patterns and repetition, but the predictable noise of the tide is somehow different, somehow comforting.

 

Inhaling deep breaths of salty air that carries the song of no responsibilities or cares, you revel deeply in the foreign sensation of utter tranquility. 

 

A bird calls from somewhere nearby and it shakes you only slightly from this dream like reverie.

 

A perfect escape.

 

You find yourself humming along to the tune of the breeze as it playfully ruffles your hair; the thought of sangria crosses your mind for a brief moment, but drinks are best for leaving the office behind.

 

And right now, you're in paradise,

no liquor required.

 

You stretch sore muscles, still stiff from sitting in that damned chair for what feels like days on end. The warm tropical air seems to breathe life back into a weary body.

 

Your shoulders momentarily shudder. The weight of your normal life unexpectedly seeps in like an unwanted visitor.

 

Guilt.

 

You fumble and struggle to push it out of your mind and refocus again on the warmth of the midday sun against your face.

 

Outside of this place, there's a storm. A relentless hurricane that batters against stability; torrential rains pound against buildings and flooded streets keep you trapped in that  office.

 

It's a dreary and abysmal existence.

 

If you think hard enough, you can recall a time when the sun would shine bright, and the sky was an endless sea of the richest blue.

When birds chirped melodies and the trees gladly borrowed  shade with leafy green palms.

 

Yet what once was life in technicolor gave way to dismal greyscale, and soon the rains came. What was supposed to be a season stretched on for uncomfortable lengths, and one day  you realized the storm was here to stay.

 

The relentless showering of water upon rooftops, and the continual howling of angry wind was enough to drive a man mad.

 

Yet you'd caught glimpses of the sun a few times- the briefest moment when the blanket of sullen grey cracked, and for those few seconds, hope was renewed.

 

Hope that the sun may yet shine again, that the birds may return; the only memories of the storm now collecting in raindrops rolling off their feathers.

 

It wasn't much, but it kept you holding on, and that's when you stumbled upon the secret place. A hidden corner of the world, somehow untouched by the storm outside.

 

It was the best and worst thing you could have discovered.

 

Each visit was a small slice of paradise, a break from watery misery, but your footprints tracked muddy reminders of bleak reality every time you entered. You feined ignorance but couldn't turn a blind eye to what was happening.

 

White sands, gradually staining with the murky darkness of the storm.

 

So often you mused to yourself if this place was your savior, or ultimate damnation.

For as pleasant and relaxing as it was, the nagging guilt of leaving others outside  as you indulged in relief left you walking back into the downpour with your head down,  and heart heavy.

 

It was impossible to tell if this tropical escape was necessary for staying your sanity, or if it was only a matter of time before it too fell prey to the swallowing blackness looming on the doorstep.

 

Only the roaming hands on the clock face of life could know the answer you searched for. And if you were honest with yourself, nothing else could quite compare to the way this beachy escape could make you feel. It stirred a long dormant part of you awake, and to lose this secret cove could feel like severing a lifeline.

 

You needed this.

 

For a man can only take so much mud and water squelching in his shoes before he slips under the same floods that have claimed so many before him.

 

"Perhaps, just perhaps, ignorance truly is bliss"

 

With renewed clarity, you dig your toes beneath warm sands  while the seagulls call, and a smile of contentment settles on your face.

 

When the breeze blows just right,

 

and the waves crash in tune,

 

you can nearly drown out the sound of the wailing winds behind you.

 

 

hey...

Folder: 
naughty ramblings

I'm really not the type to snitch
but yo man asked me to be his bitch
the one who wears matching panties
the one who ups all the anties
goes low and takes all the mess
The one he secretly calls the best

yo man asked me to be his bitch
A third wheel rolling beside you which
Knows his deepest desires better than you
His aches and pains that keep you on the pedestal
Checked all my details but this one he missed
Mary Jane is the only girl whose lips I'll kiss

Girl run flip the switch
He won't find a new bitch
Recycling old chicks 
who used to let him hit
your man asked me to be his bitch
quit playing bitch and go scratch his itch

Author's Notes/Comments: 

lol

Uncommited

Hushed lips with an icy touch,
Flakes falling between the two.

 

With words left unsaid
And faces taking an ashen hue,
Words seem incoherent.

 

In absence of one another,
The mood plummets to a dark hue,
With Ebony comparable.

 

When hope settles in,
Exasperation creep toward them.
An anxiety left as an untouched subject,
Threads of doubt works its way in.

 

Cold as it is,
A fire couldn't dare to warm.

 

They live through their lies,
Whilst every night spent,
It left a sensation,
The unnerving reminder of an empty bed.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I don't even know, to be honest.

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The Fool

What do I do when 

Everything is not enough?

 

What do I do when 

I give all, and it is rejected?

 

What do I do when the love

That was meant for us two to share

Is cheapened by another?

 

Love is not cast away,

And suffering is sure to stay

And so alone I cry and moan 

And tell the world 'leave me alone!'

And accept what I never can condone.

 

And I wait for when 

She wants love, not lust,

And comes back to me.

 

I wait for when everything is enough.

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Half a Queen

I never thought the day would come.

 

The love that used to swell up in my chest, lover, you know- the kind of affection that tightens your throat and awakens a storm of butterflies to stir up madness in your belly-

 

Gone.

 

I grasp desperately at frayed heart strings, hoping upon damned hope that I would catch a fragmented piece of the blind passion I once felt for you,

 

Drowning myself  in the suffocating  fear of something far worse than loving a calloused man;

Losing the ability to feel at all.

 

The pain you've caused, the wounds your lies and deceit have inflicted, has left me numb.

I once knew how to forget the world and slip into a blissful ignorance as I rested in your strong embrace.

 

Now those days flutter in the recesses of my tired mind, and soon memories of what was melds together with dreams of what could have been,like a patchwork quilt forged from  the juxtaposition of the  life you promised us and the much bleaker reality, stitched together with missed phone calls and unexplained late nights.

 

 

When I think of these things, late late at night; when I realize I'll never learn to stifle the voice in my head that tells me your words are poison,

 

because I've learned that small voice tells more truth than your fallacy laced lips,

those are the nights I'm alright with not feeling.

Tonight I clutch numbness close to my chest, nod at the empty pillow, and  smile at the sound of sweet nothing.

Sassafras

When I say the magic word, 

all of this can end. 

Sassafras. 

After the news I heard today, 

I know exactly where we stand. 

Sassafras. 

You won't even see it coming, 

It'll be a quick blow to the head. 

Sassafras. 

Was all this pain really worth it,

when you tried to lay in her bed? 

Sassafras. 

Even though I hate the bitch,

I'm glad she stood her ground. 

Sassafras.

I wish I could have seen your face

when she "sadly" turned you down. 

Sassafras. 

Now everyone is talking 

you're the joke of the town

Sassafras. 

Where are you going to turn

now that no one is around?

Sassafras. 

None of this is my fault,

but I should have seen the signs.

Sassafras. 

Should have looked a little closer,

should have read between the lines. 

Sassafras. 

I thought we were in love

when I looked into your eyes.

Sassafras.

But now I know it's true,

that even love is blind. 

Sassafras. 

I Look For Company in the Cracks

and he will leave me alone tonight

Again within my darkness, my question and fright

and again, again my emotions are denied

And again I pretend to be okay, when a heart is fried

 

I'd like to know just one thing

Will there ever be an answer to bring?

Night by night, without a knock on my door

Tears so frozen, still thoughts bringing me so sore

 

I embrace my shadows and what I have been ripped from

I try to look up to the sky, and yet there's still no sight of a visible sun

Your lies cloud the beauty from what I could see

Your lies take away from what I thought could be

 

and it's all so obvious, yet my boredom chooses to hold me up so

To the still of chained emotions, trying to grasp the shadows made of woe

and again, I still do not  know why

When my only entertainment is looking forward to another lie..

 

With your words draped in sweet clever disguises

Lead me only to questions and silent demises

You again speak of love so freely

But I can tell by your eyes you don't hold it dearly

 

and I'll wait intently again for more words to keep me company

So I can cling to something, someone, but instead I look forward to agony

It's something I don't quite understand

but it's the closest I have to someone else's hand

 

and he will leave me alone for another night

Still without another explanation, I cling to an empty sight

 

 

 

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Stay true

My hand aches as it longs to hold yours,

like my heart ached when you held hers.

View sansimi's Full Portfolio

I Know

You say I'm your destiny,

but Hell every minute you mean less to me.
I don't know what to tell you,
I feel like you're so see through.
All the lies you put me through,
I don't know how I ever liked you.
You're just nothing but a deadbeat liar,
I know that you've always liked her.
No need to pretend we're perfect,
Stop lying 'bout the marks on your neck.
I know that you cheated,
no more trying to convince me to believe.
I know what you've done, 
You're impossible, we've had our run.
It's time for you to realize you've lost me your "only one". 
I know that I'll be fine,  
it's the years we've spent together that really make me wonder;
how long has this been going on. 
Was I always your "special one".
Or was I just a number,
just a girl you could get under.
I'm done with all the shit you put me through.
It's time that I leave you.
Take one last look at what you gave up,
I'm leaving now I wish you luck.
You were just one flaw in my life, 
now I can move on and create happier times.
I'll never see your face again,
the thought makes me jump up and down inside.
As I turn and walk away,
You call out "baby please just wait."
You're begging is way too funny,
You know just what you did so go crying to you're other "hunny". 
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