Not today

my fucked up head

I wish i could give you a call
I wish i could give you a chance
Maybe someday, but i can't today.
Wouldn't be fair to you,
Wouldn't be fair to me.
Nothing but hurt will come from a lie.
I wish i could give you a chance
I wish i could give you a call
I'm not ready, I can't do this
not right now,
...I'm not ready.
I don't know how to deal,
I don't know how not to get hurt,
and be responsible for someone else s feelings.
I don't ... I can't ...
I don't know how...
I'm sorry.
I wish i could give you a call
I wish i could give you a chance...

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i still love


i feel like its all slipping away
the light the sun the day
i used to believe that one day someone would want me and i would find that high school sweetheart I've dream't about. i thought i had until he walked away and agreed he never would want me.
i left my heart over there in his room, on his sleeve, too bad now he threw it away. it meant nothing to him. i gave him everything that i thought he wanted. only problem what he wanted was she.
i may not be her but i am small and and loud and most of the time i cant keep my heart from melting every time i see you.
now what i can do i can run and jump and yell and cry. i cant hold you and kiss you and other things too.
now i know im not perfect but at least i stayed true.
i lost who i was but i really never knew.
you were my everything,
now everything is gone.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

i deserve to have love. all i wanted was you to love me.

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"My Broken Box"

As she stands in front of me and holds me, as I hold her.
I crumble to thought of ever losing her.
Her eyes bring on so much pain, so much wicked.
My heart brings on so much love, so much care.
That after I stare for as long as I need to.
The pain that was once there I now bestow in my box "my broken box".
That no one can touch.
No one can break .
No one can hurt her again.
No one can cause her that pain that they made her suffer.
I will take on the pain, I will take on the suffer.
If for a mere second she looks into my eyes to see how much I hold.
To see how much I have hurt.
To see how much I've been thrown away.
Your pain is gone when your with me.
I will hold it all.
"In my broken box".

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Love Shaded Black


No hour darker in my life, nor time without less faith


No second greater filled with loss than what you laid to waste


My heart, my hopes, my dreams, my soul, no promise left undone


Your words mean nothing, less than that, how red my arms have run


Blistered pains from smoothest tongue, your words were un-foretold


And now with laughs that break my heart, my words were left so cold


Had I known I'd felt for you, the sooner I would say


But now my love is good as gone, you love her anyway

Author's Notes/Comments: 

This is the way I'm feeling now. Hating highschool, alone, misterable all the time, too many problems, and let's add this onto my ever growing list. Hopelessly in love with someone who might never realize or never love me as much. It's true love, does he realize? Perhaps... Oh, I tell him all the time how much I love him, but will he ever hear the poetry behind the words I say? I hug him all day and nght, talk to him every night (until I pass out) But does he understand that this is so much more than forever? No, probably not. Is there hope?

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Poems 2009


She stares into the night sky
Hoping to find what she left behind
But all she sees are broken stars
And endless black


Author's Notes/Comments: 

I wrote this back in 2009. It was after a fight with my father and I was alone in my room crying, I sat down at my desk and just listened to music. It just kinda came to me out of no where. lol. It has to be one of my favorites that I have done.

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The poet act on impulsion,

Outside of his nest,


Beauty struck him, like the warm freeze,


Such jewels are tears,


Rolling upon his lips,


Soon, to be turn to ink,


To stained the page,




Author's Notes/Comments: 

POETRY is like nature if u know how to read between the lines, u shall found some answer, rights or wrongs, this is hope to you to make that choice.

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the garden

come to my garden,
let me show you the way...
walk in my footstep,
like the shadow, i am!

the day is fading away.
can you smell the parfumof ether,
exoctic flowers rotten to the core,
each one with a bleeding heart!

feel the thorn of the dying rose,
getting each night,
a little deeper...
another fading passion...

moon reflecting on white lillies,
feeding on my tears...
my flesh turning into ashes...
the earth fed with the salt of my being!

can you see the flashing colours?
blinding your innocent eyes...
your feets slowly going into the ground,
buried into the garden of my perverted mind!

my perversion of today,
my innocence of tomorrow!
my garden is eternity,
filled with corpses of memories...


Author's Notes/Comments: 

1 of my favorite place....
When i am lost/ Alone

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