My Mistake

just notes*

You said everything was ok

I just wanted everything to be alright

why couldn't you just say it wasn't right....


you hid everything...everything

why couldn't you just say i wasn't right...

maybe someday i'll get the courage to ask you why...

why did you lie to me?

why play this game...this useless game with my heart... day..maybe i'll ask you why...

why drag me down this lonely lane this pointless path....


i gave you my all...

maybe that was my mistake...

maybe that was my mistake...

i promise never again will i make this mistake ...


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The river

am I nothing but broken bones? is this beating heart nothing but a burden to myself & everyone I meet..?
as I walk through this valley alone..

the shadows become something i've well known.
your eyes, they magnetize.. the fear in my soul is screaming out "lies!"
where should I try to hide..?

the clouds hang above, as the river i'm crossing over continues to flow..
if I were to fall, would anyone ever know? slipping away from it all, even myself..
glancing at these hands, I wonder what would be different if I was somebody else..


this forest goes farther than the birds & the trees..
this grass grows taller than below our knees..
my fate is an open wound.. bleeding.. bruised.. cut & used..
where am I going..? what am I to do..?
too many questions within me.. are we all our own worst enemy..?
on the top of this hill, the sunrise & fall reminds me of Gods undying love..
every memory that follows behind is purpose-less..
how could you think you know me better than I know myself?
every word you spew is worthless..


dreams are like looking through stained glass..

all different shapes, colors, hues..
why would you want to watch them shatter.. how could it not matter!?
one thing to remember.. don't give your love away, for the sake of saving someone else...


path after path, turn upon turn.. we struggle, maybe learn..
I stare into space & wait.. for something, i'll never know exactly what...
ashes have become of these fantasies..
careful not to let the blood of the past stain what is of my today..
dancing around the casualties.. murder my misery.


shed a tear for everything that used to be & let it all blow far over me.
if only we could all perfectly mend these wounds..
fragilties of life, scars of death..
the last time you close your eyes... that very last breath..


black night sky with stars so electric..
fragrant & soothing, my boat keeps moving..
row, row, drift away..
feet in the dirt but i'm being pulled astray..
the current so strong & winds full force.
the ocean is taking it's course..


beneath the misty swamp, stirs disarray..
where Satan's children go to play..
one by one, two by two.. sinking to the bottom.
he's a theif, can't you tell..?
reeking of that evil smell..
naive indeed as you let him feed..
you act as if life has turned you to this bad seed..
fool, you did it to yourself...
why blame someone else?


& finally I jump in the river to drown..
reaching out for my savior, not because i'm in danger..
I need to be taken from this earth.. I smile because i'm hurt...
when my feet hit the river floor, i'll close my eyes, & open the doors..
a light shone through, my hope for God was true...
I embrace... soon free... this body was never me.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

7.26-7.27- 2013.

Romatic Tragedy

Gone as fast you came, good riddance right?
What's the point of staying here, 
being here just brings me down. 
Often leaving with out hesitation
Bring all the heat but all you do is smash patience.
Nothing left here but broken hearts and faded out faces. 
Scratching a canvas full of old Images.
We've been here more than once.
Like a tourist destination.
I'd like to escape, sign my resignation
Moving on forward but end up taking two steps back.
Losing my mind here as I keep getting attatched
Sever the bonds and break lose of these chains
Cause once i'm set free
I'll feel happy and free and with out worry
Of having to please you again..

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Hope you can relate...

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Shattered Hearts and broken Dreams

Time has passed on by beyond anyone's control.
The feelings i've felt before enriched my soul.
The boundry-less emotions were overwhelming
Yet no one could say it wasn't a real feeling.
I live today not knowing what coulv've come next, in my heart follows a tinge of reget
A day without knowing what might come next.
Lack of affection, restless nights
What have we become? From what we originated from...

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When Life Gives You Lemons

When life gives you lemons, 
you'll pucker at first; 

but after a while, 

you'll become immune to the flavor. 

Who knows,

you may even acquire a taste for them.  

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The Metaphysicist


She was an aqua butterfly fluttering her iridescent in the frigid winds of the north 

Searching and wandering though she was not lost only to be found.


She hugged every morsel of the tree with reverence loving it and becoming it.


And she was all thoughtless we had but no mind of our own

But she swore by these paragons of deliberate hatred and what she wanted was to be a perfect memory to every man who was arrogant enough to experience her body.


She glittered with desire, breaking so easily, so tarnished, so gone. She was fooled and damp with hatred 

She knew from behind her back that she was nothing of my knowledge. 


She terrified me and chilled me to the very nomadic wanderlust of my soul.

And when she was recognized every part of the metaphysical realm came alive.

At two she rose and watched the butterfly fall beneath her waist and flutter

And those who fell broke to the scent of her glittering perfume, and the rubies and roses all became her through the damn wall she used to be me.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

One of the first poems I ever wrote, I was about 13 at the time.

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still your daughter.

I wish you understood that
the storm in my eyes is not meant to
strike down your branches but i just have trouble
holding the flood above my palpebral dam and
concealing the darkening and contorted surface of my planet

I wish you understood that
the aftermath was never yours to
rummage through and salvage but instead a mess you
must learn to see from your view and
still hold all the bits and pieces in your arms and call it your daughter

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Does she love me?


She says she loves me but won't say it back.
She says she cares but doesn't text back.
I try commit suicide she falls to her knees 
but does she love me?
I hold her hand and tell her it's gonna be alright
I tell her I love her, while holding her so tight.
But does she love me?
I've felt love before and Idont feel it now. 
I want this girl more than ever but I guess not for now.
Am I wasting all my kisses?
All my thoughts and my dreams?
Growing old with her is my everlasting dream. 
I hope she loves me
I've messed up to many times
I hope she loves me 
I've came so close to suicide. 
I hope she loves me 
I want her to be all mine.
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Second Choice

There was a time I would get upset 

when I was your second choice. . . 

Now I wish I was.