Angst

Dustbin Memories

In the darkest corner of the alley is where you will find me,

Slumped in a position of discomfort,

Staring at old photos, memories,

As I live my life on the streets, I think of her, of them,

Where are they now? Do they spare a thought for me?



The fire in the dustbin warms my fingers, but sends chills through the rest of my body,

A fleeting memory of my wife, laughing, dancing with me,

But not with the man I am now, with the man I used to be,

I see my children in the trees, putting yellow flowers in their hair,

“Look at me Daddy, I’m a princess”

I awake from my daydream to the realisation of tears on my cheek,

Where are they now? Will they even think of me again?



I sometimes want to go and find them,

Just to see how they are doing, to see if they are ok,

But I resist, for I know that just one brief look at my wife, my children,

Will send my heart plunging into my stomach,

How can I expect them to love me, look at me?

I’m in ragged clothes, I smell, my home is the iron and cardboard in the corner,

Why would they want to see me? Why would they even entertain they mere thought of that?



So I stay where I am, peeking out from within the walls of my alley,

Hoping to catch a glimpse of the people passing by,

Hoping that one day “they” will venture past,

Depressed, tired and drowning in self-pity, I stay,

With tears in my eyes, and photos in my hands,

Alone.


Author's Notes/Comments: 

What would it be like? To lose everything knowing that things could be different.

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A Thousand Miles Away

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Lover's Lane

you are so near yet so far away

she crys for you

still you want to stay

she can see the uglyness inside of you

you feed on the prey

still she goes a stray



you look into her eyes

she can see all the pain

all the tears she cries

a light of hope in all the rain

why do you feel so far away



she will hold on to the memory of you

goodbye to the memory

she holds on to that part of you

you can't let go of that part you want to be

you are too far way

goodbye to that memory  


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The End

Why is it that love is a game that only fools play

I wouldn't know

Love is a game that I forfeited long ago

Is it true that it is better to have a love lost than not to have loved at all

I wouldn't know

Love has not strayed across my happy valley



Why should I even carry this burden that has plagued my existence

Is living this life some kind of joke that only "God" can laugh at?

Is there a "God"

Where is this "rock" of stability that so many count on

The barrage of inconsistencies is enough for me to be pessimistic



Should I create my own personal climax

Should I cause my "The End" and allow the credits to roll by

The Darkness of Death has befriended my insignificant soul and has bonded with me

And the point of life is beginning to succumb into nothingness

Alienated and alone



However



I should deal again and see how the dice will be thrown to give this life another try

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LESSON ON THE PASSING

I felt the warmth

Leaving her hand

While she stared

Silently at the ceiling



It was then I learned

That tears cannot express

What is in the heart

The true depths of sorrow



For tears only wet the sheets

And leave behind a bitter salt

Sobs echo off deaf walls

And only wake the living



The lesson learned that day

For mother, sister, daughter

Wife or friend, is that

Forever is an eternity

Author's Notes/Comments: 

For everyone who has lost someone close and didn't realize their importance until it was too late.

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