Abuse

Hounds of Hell

you beg for mercy

laying there helpless

as they drain you of all your dignity

you are so fucking gutless

you just milk all their pity



you looked into my eyes as you fell

there was nothing i could do

you're trapped yourself in this hell

i love you

you hade nothing to prove

i could never deny what you will tell



your hope is fading

the hounds sink their teeth into you deeper

your memories are slowly erasing

the vile is the reaper

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Ever

You were ever after me...

you bounced me on your knee, and

swung me through the trees,

you said I was a tease.



You were ever after pleased...

that I could meet your needs, and

when our "little secret" bleeds,

you claim I am diseased.



Snow White no longer wakes up,

The kingdom isn't filled with laughter,

Cinderella doesn't find her shoe,

You stole my happy ever after.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

To all who've had their childhoods stolen from them.

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CRAZY

the voices echo in my head

the touch repulses my body

the smell lingers heavy in the air

the sight of you still paralyzes me with fear



the world is such a cruel place

full of lies and deceit

full of takers and, not near enough giver

full of everlasting pain



yes life dealt me a shitty hand

but I played the cards I was dealt

I made my way through

stumbling only to get back on my feet...and be stronger



as I grow stronger I hear their whispers about me

"shes lost her mind"

"she doesnt think before she speaks"

"can you believe she said that"......"what is she on"



CRAZY.......perhaps

if CRAZY means no longer willing to accept the lies

if CRAZY means no longer being afraid of the dark

if CRAZY means knowing once and for all I was NOT to blame



CRAZY......perhaps

I however believe I have been set free

for once in my life I can feel the wind beneath my wings

I know I am going to fly.......I will soar



sounds of peace, replace the echos's of yesterday

no longer do I fear your touch

and the smells that surround me are OH so sweet

CRAZY.....maybe........but I think NOT!

Author's Notes/Comments: 

this poem is for those whos lifes have been touched by child abuse..... at times you may feel so alone .......but only through awareness shall we stop the predation of our children

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Poison

Folder: 
Venting Daddy

Your words shatter within me

   in the eye of your storm

Your eyes see right through me

   filled with malice and harm

Your message is clear

   you wish I were never born



Poison. You're Poison.



I thought for years

   you were the official mind-reader

I thought you were King

   but you were a well-dressed defeater

I thought once you loved me

   you're such a clever deceiver



Poison. You're Poison.



I took second helpings

   of the lies you would feed me

Hoping, by submission,

   you'd eventually need me

But nothing made you care

   and I lost Hope completely



Poison. You're Poison.



I tried to give up

   but they sucked my effort dry

They locked me away

   and I'll bet you never cried

Doesn't matter, you're the same

   whether I live or I die



Poison. You're Poison.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I seem to write a lot about my father. Maybe recent events have caused me to feel the old anger again. Maybe I never really got over the old anger in the first place. Either way, he's definatly had an effect on my life. I know the way NOT to parent, so I can't say it was a total loss.  (post script: Much thanks to Tom for providing the, uh, "chorus." worked well, I think)

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The Journey

The pain is endless

My soul is numb

My heart never fulfilled

The memories cloud my mind



Yesterday wont go away

Tomorrow is more then I can take

Happiness eludes me

Sadness fills my being



The feelings of loneliness overwhelming

Thoughts racing, never stopping

Playing over and over again

Every detail forever more etched



Every touch still felt

Every twisted word still heard

Every tortured secret unraveling

Playing in my mind forever more



Peace is a stranger I have not met

Anger is my best freind

Wasting in my tears

Crying of my fears



Praying for the end

Awaiting life anew

Where pain no longer touches

And tears become a thing of the past



Let me go home and rest

To a place where I can smell the rain

Let me sleep

Sleep without nightmares of years gone by



Not knowing where Im heading

Time is wasting with my fears

Pain is paralyzing my heart

The weakness is overcoming me



I have endured a lifetime of sadness

Faced evils few will ever know

Seen the bottom of the mountain to many times

Weary from the climb back up



Tired.......my eyes are closing

Weak........my fight has all but vanished

Exhausted...looking for a place to rest

Restless....ready to take the final journey

Author's Notes/Comments: 

When I wrote this poem I was dealing with some child abuse issues....feelings of depression and ending the pain

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Child On His Breath

Folder: 
useless

He said it smells like children,

And there's child on his breath,

And though she tries to fight it,

She only can invest.

But in a faded moment,

The story has all but ended.

Hidden in a hundred years,

Swallowed and descended.

He said you taste like heaven,

Where god is all but here,

And in this faded moment,

She tries to disappear.

This world, it smells like children,

The predators surround,

And quietly claim their victims,

That cannot make a sound.

She said you smell like children,

And this he quickly denied,

Her eyebrows raised, she turns her head,

And just like her, they died.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Inspired by my hollowed heart, and the feeling I get in my stomach everytime I hear "Prison Sex" by Tool.  It's a sad, sick world.  But I had to give this poem a name, so you would expect exactly what you get.
Currently this poem is under revisions. Just a new project I am working on with another poet on this postpoems site, who's insight and opinion i value very much. Zawadi X, thank you for the challenge.

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X

Folder: 
useless

He said with a sneer,

As he slithered on by,

"You are the reasons I make children cry."

He grinned with that mouth,

And squinted those eyes,

He knew what to do to make your heart cry.

That devil, that troll,

That monster that tries,

He always remembers how to make your heart die.

You chicken,

You fake,

You always let him find that taste.

You loser,

You're lost,

You avoid the shadows at all cost.

He said with a snicker,

As he slithered on by,

"I've got what you need to keep you alive."

And you remember the time,

He came dancing in,

He never pretended, and never will again.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

this one will be erased soon. i have no idea what is going through my head. i just keep writing. this shit is so lame. im not an apathetic person, "i just play one on tv"

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Luna Triste

That moon up there tonight,

she is keeping no secrets.

The trees are angry...

lashing out at everyone.

Even the ground is swelling up,

heaving in frustration.

The wind is screaming too...



What did you do?

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Triste, triste.

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You Were So Good

"It's cold, it's so cold in here",

I told my teddy bear...he didn't answer.

I remember warmth,

in a time before you touched me in that way.

Touching me and touching me until I was truly touched.

Didn't you say that you were going to help me?

No wait, you said help yourself...to me?

Not unlike a piece of meat left out on the table overnight...

you consumed me.

But I WILL NOT be a part of you!

I refuse.

When I was six and I refused, you didn't listen.

You're bold, you're bold when near,

like a cancer.

"You were so good", you said...I didn't answer.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I think that this one is self explanatory.

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