Mixed emotions: The battle within


I debate with myself,
wanting to let him close again,
to let him be my friend.

I know he cares about me,
know he worries,
I can hear it in his voice.

I want to have someone to talk to,
someone I know will listen,
who will let me cry.

But I don't want him to be so near,
not when I can't feel his touch.

Angry at myself for getting  him involved,
don't want to get so close to him.

I still love him so much,
but I don't want to trust him,
not when I don't deserve his concern.

Why does he still care,
when I'm not his problem anymore?

Trusting him, confiding in him,
makes it difficult for me to pull away,
makes it hard not to fall again.

I want to let myself fall,
just to know for sure that he'll catch me.

But at the same time I don't,
because I'm not sure which I want more:
for him to catch me,
or to just let me fall.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

When you're used to falling, it seems safer to fall, but what if it's also safer to let yourself be caught?

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