Chapter 1 - Valentines Day 2013

It was the third night in a row Tom had stayed up all night. He was on YouTube. It was Wednesday at 4 in the morning, but he wasn't tired. He just kept watching video  after video. His heart heavied in his chest. His body shook and his face boiled. After three nights he'd gotten use to wiping the tears away. His eyes burned and his voice shrunk. It was at 4 in the morning Tom could be Tom to Tom.

 

   He just kept repeating and repeating a scene from the United States of Tara. A suspended silence hung while Marshall crept close to Lionell, took his head and kissed both of his eye lids. Tom could only imagine sharing such an intimate moment with someone. Then Marshall kissed him. The whole world was oblivious to the love that was shared in that one kiss. Tom started to cry again.

 

   These sleepless nights had been going on for years now. Why was it only now that Tom knew what he had to do? Tom's heart leapt 2 feet every beat. He laid awake all night to wait. Wait for his parents to wake up. He knew he had to let himself free and embrace the world. 4 o'clock went by slow but 5 went to 520 went to 550 and those last 10 minutes would define his life from then on.

 

   It was Valentines Day. Finally when his parents woke up he went to their room. He had planned it all night in his head. He would go in hug his mom and dad and in that embrace he would announce to his future "I'm gay." His parents would hug him tight tell them they loved him and maybe ask a few questions before they continued their daily routines.

 

   This is not what happened. He walked in and they were still asleep. His perfect plan was ruined. The rest of the day sucked just like the last few valentines, the dances, and the dating questions parents ask. "who is SHE? The GIRL you like?"

 

   Tom lived in Kansas. Actually Tom lived in the same city that United States of Tara was located, Overland Park. Tom knew he lived in a progressive part of a conservative state, but to a closeted 15 year old boy, he could already see how people would look and talk to him. Befriending the few brave out upperclassmen he could see people liked them but their sexuality always defined them with others. Tom didn't want that.

 

Fuck fuck fuck!!!

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