5.a.m.

5.a.m.
Alarm wakes me.
I kiss my partner on her head, as she sleeps.
She looks... beautiful.
 
I go to the bathroom.

Use the toilet.

Splash my face with cold water.
Drying my face with a soft towel.

My eyes close for a second,

 

I think of the long drive ahead..

I start to think of how hard its been,
How hard its going to be till I win.

I want to be at the beach,
I want sunshine, or rain or sleet or snow.
I just want to rest. 
Hearing the waves crashing around me,
I’m so tired.

 

I remember her smiling at me,
as she played with her friends.
I remember her, running up and hugging me.
..I remember her happy.

 

I know shes going through shit.

 

I splash my face with cold water, again.

I look at my reflection.
..I look, very tired.

 

I put my clothes on, quickly.

I walk past my daughters door,
..I touch the door. 
I know shes sleeping soundly.

 

I Make a coffee, drinking it as I walk out the door.
I put the mug, behind my wall as I leave.

I get into the car. It doesn’t start.
I think of the possibility’s.

 

Every car, I ever owned,
I gave a name.

 

I whisper her name as I take of the brake,
 and start rolling down the hill.
I get one shot at this, or its time for a spark plug change.

 

I turn her over. She doesn’t start.

I put on the handbrake.
Get a block of wood from the boot.

Put it in front of the tires. 
Take of the handbrake.

I push her... back up the hill.

 

I jump back in, try to start her again,
As I roll down the hill.

I whisper her name, she doesn’t start.

Shes in a bad mood.

 

I put back on the brake... push the car back up the hill.

I take the mug of coffee, from behind the wall.
I finish my coffee and put the mug back.

I swap a spark plug, reluctantly.
thought I’d get another day out of it..

 

She fires up.
I smile and say morning honey,
Bit early for you, too?..

 

I talk to my cars.. when their difficult.
Helps me to stay calm. I don’t expect a response.

 

I know where the speed cameras are.
So, I floor it.

 

5.45.am

I have to be at the Queens bridge, before 6am,
Or I won’t get there on time.

 

5.56. 
I reach the bridge.

The road clear. I drive.

 

Three years. Roughly three times a week.
There and back.

 
No help from anyone.
 
Never missed a time.

 

Just to say..
I love you, & I’m here for you Pumpkin.

Come home. x

 

These people did terrible things,
to you and me.

 

Don’t let them get away with it.

 

You let them get away with this,
You’ll give way to the second, the third.. till the end.

Make them give way. 

 

They are nothing.
 
You stand up this time.
Next time will be easier.
I promise.

 

The first 5.am was the hardest.
I wanted to just kick in the door and break his fucking neck.

 
Love,
Dad.
xxx
 
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I needed a rest after that.
I’m only human.
 
so, I took you to the beach. x
Author's Notes/Comments: 
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