Eventually

 

Bent up and beaten describes the will that resides in his diminshed heart. He vies for the chance to be joyfully bliss in the so-called emotion, "happiness". Stressors surround all aspects of his young life, but for no holding reason. Stressors that are pre-disposed in his mind, the demons of depression and that arduous anxiety. Young age is no excuse for the way he feels. Family & friends help serve as a distraction from his psyche. Even in his young age, he questions continuously the way he feels. 

 

Adolescence rears it's eventual head, and he still lives unfulfilled. An empty crater in his soul rests, filled by the uninvited plagues of the mind. Family & friends are still present, now more aware of him and his emotions. They console, but he desires solitude. The seemingly never-ending chain of anxious thoughts and depressing darkness has him unable to move at times. He faces an unready future, and even in his adolescence, he continually questions the way he feels. 

 

Adulthood is ever-present, and he faces the fearful face of meeting expectations. The years seem to tick away now, unnoticeably and uncaringly. His mind has been broken before, but not like this. He tries to find outlets, distractions, relationships. Dark things choke his mind, suffocating him in everyday life. The slippery snake of suicide and self-harm hold constraint over him. He contemplates and questions away still, questioning the way he feels every demising day. 

 

Middle-age offers solace in the form of love, an outlet that was previously unbeknownst to him. Love and self-less actions keep the snakes and demons away, for the time being. He knows where the thoughts lie though, consuming the back of his mind, pushing each day back to the surface. A constant struggle between his self & mental health and his loves in life & relationships. Falling in and out of love, re-entering and exiting the void that has plagued him since youth. Middle age ensues, and the occurence of his own born changes the tides of life. Love that he reciprocated enough, provided him with his own bloodline. His own baby-born, his own daughter. A glimpse of a feeling he's never been accustomed to reaches him for a brief moment, happiness makes the short scene as he looks upon his newfound love in his daughter. Yet, the thoughts don't disintegrate and eventually as his daughter grows older, the thoughts become more intense. As life throws its toughest punch it has yet to offer, he questions his love. He finds himself drowning in his thoughts once more. Feeling as if he never stopped questioning at all, he continues to question the way he feels.

 

Years pass, and through the most diminishing of times, he lives on. He grows older and older, and so do those whom he loves. His daughter meets her love in life, he feels comfortable in this thought, but anxiety still consumes him in what life still has in store for him. The fear of anticipated stressors has him still questioning away in his older age. 

 

He's grown older now, and life delivered its fair share of challenges, but he trudges on. His daughter delivers a baby, an event he thought he would never reach in his life. A baby boy, his own grandchild. He looks upon the baby boy the same way he did his daughter. But something changes in his face, he breaks down into tears. As he looked upon the boy, he saw his own face. A mirror image in his mind of himself, he couldn't believe. That unaccustomed feeling of happiness returned in greeting, but this time with no plan on leaving...The boy grew older and older, and his face continually resembled his own in his mind. He saw himself in his grandson. As looked upon his grandson, with no care in the world but that of the love he has for the boy, he soon realized. He hasn't questioned at all since the arrival of the boy, he hasn't battled with his demons or wrestled the anguishes of his mind. Well, because there were none. He realized that he was happy, for once in his life. He found the feeling he so longed for, that at points he thought didn't exist, he found his salvation in this emotion. A tear ran down his face as he sat looking upon the boy, his grandson. He knew now that happiness wasn't a rare commodity, it's always reachable in life for everyone, like he found his happiness. Happiness can always be found, eventually. 

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

The story of a man in his old age finding happiness through his grandson and the reflection of himself that resembles through his grandson.

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