Holding On

Realizing that dreaming has been better than reality, mainly because I have been thinking, and thinking tends to get me into trouble. I spoke my mind, and did I say too much? I think I said too much. I wish I could take it all back, but then I think to myself that maybe it was for the better. I think that was the end of it, but I still find myself waiting to hear from you. I don't care what it is that you have to say, I just want to see your name on my screen. I just want to know that I crossed your mind enough that you took the time to talk to me, regardless of the context. Say goodbye if you please, I asked for it anyway. But am I naive to think that we live in a world where people care to give closure? Everyone wants it, but it doesn't seem like anyone provides it.

 

I feel deeply. I feel too fast, more than I should, more than I ever plan to. I can't help that, but I wish I could cushion the pain especially when I feel like I shouldn't be hurting. I feel like an idiot for seeing this coming, for ignoring the signs. I looked at you through rose-colored glasses, and those red flags just looked like flags, at least I told myself so. You were so convincing, so enticing. I wanted to not care about your intentions, I just wanted to feel you. Then I found myself unsure of what to do with what I was feeling. I didn't know who to talk to about it. I thought if I just expressed myself to you that we could work through it. Then I realized we weren't at that point. Poor judgement. But then I keep coming back to wondering if it was for the best anyways. I keep ignoring that thought, I don't want to make any decisions on it just in case you have something more to say to me.

 

We could've been great, we both believed that at least. I think we moved too fast. Maybe we ruined what could've been by not giving it a chance. That is why I am holding on, holding on to what could still be, if there is even a chance for that left.